Battleship ★☆☆☆☆

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Battleship must be a worthy contender for the worst movie of 2012. The movie attempts to exploit the nostalgic nature of audiences in attempting to bring the childhood game of the same name to life. The plot follows a fleet of ships and their crew as they encounter an alien invasion whilst participating in a naval war games exercise. Yes, the movie really is as ridiculous as it sounds.

Battleship boasts a starry cast and yet they are often abandoned by director Peter Berg in favour of countless CGI explosions that would have even Michael Bay rolling his eyes. Style over substance would be an understatement.

Rihanna proved to be one of the film’s few redeeming features as she lit up the screen with brief flickers of real acting potential during her surprisingly limited screen time. Sadly the majority of her scenes simply required the songstress to yell “boom” at the top of her voice.

Liam Neeson makes disappointingly brief appearances as the stereotypical overprotective father to Brooklyn Decker as he ridicules her love interest, Taylor Kitsch. Schindler’s List showcased Neeson’s capabilities as an actor and Battleship will leave audiences questioning why he signed on for such a farcical project. Decker was undeniably cast based on her looks as means of exciting lustful teenage boys in an attempt to distract their attention away from the flimsy board game premise. The cast were undoubtedly lured into this cinematic insult not by the promise of creative fulfilment but the scent of crisp dollar bills.

You have to admire the number of times that characters comically pause to stare into space to flaunt their best ‘scared faces.’ I assume that this is an attempt to fill up screen time and compensate for lack of a substantial plot. The aliens are in no way threatening; I am unsure whether this is due to their lethargic simplicity or their amusing desperation to resemble Transformers. If anything, Battleship only succeeds in making Transformers seem like a complex, cinematic masterpiece.

Battleship (2012), directed by Peter Berg, is distributed in the UK by Universal Pictures, Certificate PG. 

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I am studying Film and English at the University of Southampton and I'm in my 2nd year. My main passion is cinema and my goal is to become a film producer.

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