The first time Simon Cowell laid his eyes upon One Direction, they surely must have become cartoonish dollar signs – catnip for teenage girls. ‘What Makes You Beautiful’ is, of course, incredibly bland and produced to within an inch of its life. During the chorus it sounds as if two different versions of the song are being played simultaneously, the guitars and synthesisers not so much working together as sounding like a cat and a horse being forced to mate by a mad scientist. A song written by a businessman, not an artist. And they wear chinos on the beach in the video.