The Wanted are a vacant-looking five-piece clad in neutral hues; with cheekbones more pronounced than the capital letters of their faux-convict band name. With its subtle underscore and dare I say, sophisticated chorus of word-play that would confuse a Countdown contestant, the band’s first single, ‘All Time Low’, was this year’s surprise number one single. I like to believe that I’m a modern girl, but what I cannot forgive is the surfeit of sickening cliche that I am filled with after listening to ‘Heart Vacancy’ by The Wanted. The song contains the ingenious metaphor of the heart as a locked door (get it? We ladies guard it after nasty men hurt our feelings), and if only we could unlock it with the ‘key’ (their love and protection), we could be so, so happy. This song has about as much depth, resonance and realism as an episode of The Jerry Springer Show. Women don’t need this tedious, artificial sentimentality anymore. And they certainly don’t need their feelings of loneliness to be patronised with an empty melody and haggard selection of romantic musings. The final verse of ‘Heart Vacancy’ details – “when I….talk to you…on the phone…listen close…” – to be honest mate, I’d have already slammed down the receiver.