Though the summer looked like it would be ruled by a blue-haired Katy Perry in a sweetie kingdom, our Summer anthem seems decidedly divided by two polar extremes. Whilst B.O.B meditated on missed opportunities in ‘Airplanes’, the majority instead found themselves drawn to a different beat…namely one of ring-tone esque pounding repetition and a 1950s Italian songster lamenting his abilities to speak ‘Americano’.
This year, there was no ‘SuBo’ (Susan Boyle) reminding us that a Scottish lady in slippers can achieve 9 million units of worldwide chart domination…instead, the world would much rather be preoccupied with the talents of a pre-pubescent boy claiming to be best friends with Usher. Justin Bieber’s ‘Baby’ has not only seen off competition from Lady Gaga to become YouTube’s most watched video of all-time, but both…yes both…of his albums are Platinum world-wide.
If only Christina Aguilera could have the same fortune. We praise her for having better vocals, for sustaining a marriage, for having a degree of, albeit small, artistic merit…but we are still more interested in her shaven-headed rival
Whilst Britney spent the year finishing off liposuction and a world -tour showcasing some stellar miming, Christina tried to be edgy with new album ‘Bionic’. Maybe it was the embarrassing display of pseudo- sadomasochism, perhaps or just the fact that ‘Not Myself Tonight’ is truly awful…regardless, the single propelled the album to become the lowest selling number one debut in UK chart history. Perhaps too dirty this time Christina?
On the box Glee and Modern Family are dominating award-shows and ratings, as the two US hits prepare to debut their second seasons this month. Earning an impossibly brilliant 33 Emmy Nominations between them, (and not forgetting the fact that the piercingly auto-tuned ‘Don’t Stop Believing’ still hasn’t gone away), their positions are secured at the forefront of Prime-Time comedy. Whilst season two of Glee promises guest stars including ‘SuBo’ and Javier Bardem…yes, you read correctly…the Academy Award Winning Javier Bardem.. Modern Family continues with intricate and interesting comedy, where the seemingly mundane will fail to become anything but utterly bizarre.
Yet, it seems little can stimulate our population more than the opportunity to applaud the male form. There was nothing more satisfying, or more frightening this summer, than attending a midnight screening of Eclipse, the third instalment in the Twilight Saga. The plot was the same, Bella’s incessant lip-biting was the same, Robert Pattinson’s evident boredom was the same…but the reaction to Taylor Lautner’s abdominal muscles…an entirely different story. An over-excited gasp will no longer suffice: one can now expect teens literally applauding his pecs at most showings. However, not only Edward Cullen broke box-office records this summer. A mixture of charm, childhood and tears accompanied the 3D exploits of Woody and Buzz in Toy Story 3, whilst Christopher Nolan’s Inception earned the director over 200 million dollars in his back-pocket, as well as a league of captivated, if somewhat confused, fans.
So, what’s to follow our 105 Days of summer? I’m predicting a further storm of internet fury concerning our newly cast Spiderman (British actor Andrew Garfield), that Paranormal
Activity 2 will get everyone’s panties in a twist and that both Ke$ha and 3Oh!3 will continue to make terrible music of the ‘Sing-but really we’re only talking’ variety that is ever-so slightly genius. Should I also be taking bets on when Bieber’s voice breaks? Or when we may eventually become bored by Lady Gaga? I fear that neither are a possibility.