The Edge Reacts To… Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Men Tell No Tales

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Jack Sparrow is back. In a move that has clearly split many people, Disney have now revealed the trailer for the fifth instalment in the popular franchise starring Johnny Depp as the infamous pirate captain, who is once again joined by Hector Barbossa (Geoffrey Rush), and franchise-returner Will Turner (Orlando Bloom) as he fights to avoid Captain Salazar (Javier Bardem) and retrieve the coveted Trident of Poseidon. Doesn’t this plot sound the slightest bit familiar to… erm every other POTC film? Below, the Edgelings discuss what exactly they feel about this unexpected, and perhaps unwelcome return.

Okay, no hate… I loved this trailer. Yes the movies do gradually SINK after the excellent first movie and the good second movie, but I’ll be DAMNED (like the crew of the Black Pearl and the Flying Dutchman, amirite?) if this didn’t at least get me totally ON BOARD with the film. Bardem looks great, if a little tough to understand, Brenton Thwaites looks exactly like Orlando Bloom, so I’m assuming they’re father and son, and of course the visuals are fantastic. I like that they’re holding back Depp, the franchise could do with easing off of him a little bit as was the case in the first movie. I really can’t wait for this one to SAIL into theatres next year. Consider me HOOKED.” – David Mitchell-Baker, Writer

“I would make a pirate joke, but all the good ones arghhh gone. Now we have that monstrosity out the way, surprisingly pleased by this trailer. Seems darker and more violent (YAY!) and Bardem actually seems like a proper villain rather than a gimmick puppet. Early days though.” – Robert Pratley, News Editor

“I’m the first to celebrate pirates, but they need to stop – the anachronisms were bad enough, but terrible storytelling has characterised the franchise since Knight and Bloom left. No more Pirates of the Caribbean please.” – Rebecca James, Features Executive

“So this is how Disney tell a generation of young girls and boys that money is more important than misogyny. Johnny Depp lost the ability to make me laugh when I saw behind the curtain, and I’m sure I’m not the only one. Let’s hope it’s enough for a slaughter at the box office.” – Scott Williams, Writer

“I find that I’m disinclined to acquiesce to the requests of those trying to send this film to the gallows when we haven’t even seen a full trailer yet. I, personally, think this teaser really hit gold with the inclusion of the zombie-pirate Salazar. Hopefully, as we get nearer to the time it is set to sail into cinemas, the turbulent seas of public opinion will have quieted some. Failing that, I suggest all naysayers walk the plank. Savvy?” – Holly Hammond, Writer

“Can’t we just take all this budget and renew Black Sails for another three seasons?”- Millie Cassidy, Writer

“WHO ASKED FOR THIS. WHO WANTED THIS. (A: nobody). After the atrocity of ‘On Stranger Tides’, I think they need to just stop. If your films are getting consistently worse, take a hint.”- Carly-May Kavanagh, Live Editor

“However much I loved the original film, the list of people who have some kind of vendetta against poor Jack is growing beyond world’s end. I’ll definitely go see the new film, but I’m expecting the plot to once again get totally lost at sea. I will admit that Bardem looks gloriously spooky, though… haven’t they’ve dug up enough undead pirates for one franchise?”- Eleanor Joyce, Writer

“I love the other films, and can’t wait for the new one (yes that makes me an ‘On Stranger Tides’ defender). But I’m hardly left on the edge of my seat by this trailer. Someone wants to kill Jack? Tell us something we don’t know. Surely that can’t be the basis of the plot! If it is this trailer shows that after the film ends it might not just be the pirates reaching for the rum bottle…” – Bruno Russell, Writer 

The Verdict: So in general, a thumbs-down from the Edgelings. Pirates of the Caribbean was great at first, but time does conquer all, and it seems Jack’s best days are behind him. Perhaps the most fair thing would be to retire him with honours, lest we get another flop film and his punishment for piracy is eternity in Davy Jones’ Locker.

Watch the trailer for the film below, and see if you agree with us:

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Lover of food, films, Marvel, football, video-games and Literature. Hater of pretty much everything else. Fortunately, we cover 4 of those things. NEWS EDITOR 2016 AND ALL THE SHINY STUFF WITH THAT. BACK AGAIN FOR 2017!

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Philosopher and Historian and major pop-fan. You can find me listening to most pop in the charts (Beyoncé and Sia are most certainly goddesses), as well as some modern jazz and classical and enjoing the occasional trip to the theatre. I'm also interested in the repurcussions of the representation of sex in modern-day media! And I might be a fan of the X Factor. Sorry, I can't help it...

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Third year English student, and long-time lover of film and literature, most especially the antics of Marvel and Disney.

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The Edge's Film Editor 2017-2018, David has an unabashed love for all things Dave Grohl, Jack Black and Lord of the Rings. A compulsive liar who shouldn't be trusted, David once beat legendary actor David Hasselhoff in a hot dog eating contest and is best friends with Metallica bassist Robert Trujillo, they speak on the phone three times a week.

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Third year History student with a flair for the dramatic, generally found writing articles in search of the interesting. Connoisseur of cats, M&M's and quotations. "When people ask if I went to film school, I tell them 'no, I went to films'" - Quentin Tarantino

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Studying for my PhD focusing on Eighteenth Century Pirate Literature. Writer 2011-2013, Culture Editor 2013-2014, Editor 2014-2015, Culture Exec 2015-2016, Writer 2016-2017. Longest serving Edgeling ever is a title I intend to hold forever.

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Features Editor 2015/16. Marine biology PhD student and mint chocolate lover. Sorry I give everything five stars, I just have a lot of love in my heart.

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Third year PAIR student and live editor. Also the Wessex Scene's Head of Events. Fan of cats, gigs and a tea lover - find me rambling about politics and cats @_Carly_May on Twitter.

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