The Curve #2

Welcome to the second issue of The Curve, The Edge’s crazy celebrity news roundup. After last week brought you 1D boxer theft and legendary rappers cooking crumble, we’ve managed to up our game. This week we have Ja Rule’s cook book, Matt Cardle’s previous profession, and Ke$ha’s haunted vagina (no jokes). Read on to find out more…

1) Cake Middleton

Middleton was immortalised this week – in cake form. A dedicated fan of the royal bride made a mini cake topper to dedicate to the future queen. Royal impersonators also spent some time making some ‘interesting’ family portraits – including one which features a Prince William impersonator wearing a feeding bra and feeding Prince George. Who knew you could have a career as an impersonator so young?

2) Ja Gruel

Ja Rule has swapped the studio for the kitchen following his recent stint in jail. The ‘Always On Time’ rapper has announced plans to release a cookbook of microwavable meals, inspired by his time behind bars during which “we made lasagne, we made cheesecakes.”

3) Petrifying privates

It’s not the first time that Ke$ha has talked about the supernatural, but now she is claiming that her vagina is haunted. The 27-year-old was appearing on Jimmy Kimmel Live when she stated that a hypnotherapist used a ‘ghost meter’ on her, which beeped around her genitals. Well that’s my halloween costume sorted…

4) XXX Factor

This week it was revealed that Matt Cardle once worked as a male escort, or at least he tried to. Turns out Matt paid a £75 fee to sign up to the agency, went to wait for a lucky lady, and nobody turned up. Poor guy. He’s also said that if he wasn’t in music, another career path he had in mind was porn, as ‘it’s fun…’. Alright then Matt.

5. Pussy Cat Rolls

Nicole Scherzinger has taken some time off from judging the X Factor to try out an alternative career path, stepping behind the counter at Greggs. One of her current contestants, Hannah Barrett, used to work there so decided to take Miss Scherzinger to the bakery. Scherzinger posed with various baked goods, and even sampled a sausage roll, and a good time was had by all.