DVD & Blu-Ray: Loaded ★☆☆☆☆

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A group of good-looking youngsters party, deal drugs and murder people in this terribly bad straight-to-DVD dud from Alan Pao.

The clunky story sees hot rich boy Tristan (Desperate Housewives’ Jesse Metcalfe) escape from his domineering father with his younger brother Hayden (Gossip Girl’s Chace Crawford) for a night out drinking, partying and ogling at strippers. But while Hayden is partying the night away, Tristan strikes up a relationship with a dodgy guy called Sebastian who introduces him to a drug-dealing underworld. Somewhere along the line Vinnie Jones turns up as a drug lord figure, making the plot even more laughable than it was to start with. It’s also ludicrous that he gets top billing on the DVD cover — he is in the film for barely ten minutes.

The script is beyond terrible, and because the story is told from the point of view of young men, we must of course be treated to a dated and objectified view of women. It’s horrible, and presents women as sluttish, and men as sleazy sex-obsessed pricks. And what’s worse, we are supposed to sympathise with these people.

Weak, preposterous and badly made, this is a pathetic little thriller and part of Metcalfe and Crawford’s career that’s better off forgotten.

Loaded (2009), directed by Alan Pao, is available on DVD and Blu-ray from Icon Home Entertainment, certificate 18. 

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Second year BA Film & English Student. Watches too many films and enjoys good novels.

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