Scrooge’s Top Tips for a Bearable Christmas

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Dear Readers,

Wondering how to get through this Christmas without adhering to any of the silly things people do? Do you reply to ‘Merry Christmas’ with ‘Bah! Humbug!’ too? If you answered both these questions with ‘yes’, I am exactly the person you should turn to for advice. (Actually, you should have a read regardless, my way is the best way, really.)

If your clerk is annoying you, permitting him one day off will appease him.

Yes, I know, it’s ridiculous. But society is really going downhill and you occasionally must conform. This means you must do daft things like let your clerk, who you pay far too much for what little he does for you, have a day off. Apparently, he wants to spend Christmas with his wife and children, who have silly nicknames like Tiny Tim.

Family are just a pain so don’t bother feeling sorry for old people or “orphans”, they’ve got it luck really.

My nephew, being the nuisance, he has asked me round for Christmas dinner. What a silly, folly-fallen, family-loving oaf he is. Like family is important at Christmas! Christmas is about making time for the people you love, and there’s only one person who springs to my mind.

If the poor were that desperate for money, they’d come work as my clerk, mine keeps trying to take Christmas off.

Every year you get those weirdos going door to door asking for money to help provide poor people heating or food. Well let me tell you, if you want a great Christmas then never answer the door. Nothing good can come of it – I always get so hounded by these awful people! In fact, I think the whole of Christmas is…

Dear Readers,

I had a very weird dream and would like to rewrite my list:

Think about how you can help others in the forthcoming year!

I realised that my clerk couldn’t properly care for his sick son on the salary I was paying him. Giving my clerk a raise has improved this situation and I have been able to really look after Tiny Tim almost as if he was my son.

Seeing the odd bit of family can be nice!

I went to Fred’s in the end for Christmas and it was actually okay. It can be fun to catch up with family and spend this festive holiday with them, I found myself surprised by how much I enjoyed it!

Christmas spirit isn’t that bad…

Shockingly, it is nice to be generous and well-liked by other people. I suppose I realised that money isn’t everything and once you get into the Christmas spirit, it’s actually kind of acceptable.

Merry Christmas, as they say!

Scrooge x

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About Author

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I am a third-year computer scientist. As a lover of fantasy and massive bookworm, when not behind a screen I can be found with my nose in a YA novel or attempting to write something. I'm a tragic cook but a pretty keen coder. Can be found on Twitter @hannah_dadd .

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