Christmas Clichés: Every Christmas movie ever

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Meet Brittany, a single mom and hardworking woman who just can’t seem to find Mr Right. But Christmas is right around the corner, all Brittany wants is for Santa to bring her a Knight in shining armour, the man to sweep her off her feet, make all her troubles go away and be a great dad to her adorable son George.

In between her stressful job at a generic, unspecified office, Brittany neglects responsibility for George, letting him go to and from school by himself despite the fact that they live in New York City and it’s incredibly dangerous. But when she does eventually decide to look after him, they head to the Department store in the City where she can still ship him over to the care of the discount Betty White who works there, whilst she laments her love life issues to Stacy, her BFF. Despite her downbeat mood, the store’s Santa tells her not to get too disheartened, it’s Christmas after all – the times for miracles!

Enter Kyle, he’s handsome, kind, handsome, hardworking, handsome, charming and, most importantly, handsome. Brittany meets Kyle after bumping into him whilst walking out of a coffee shop, she drops all of her things and he helps her to pick them up, their eyes meet and it gets awkward ‘cos he’s just so damn cute and he’s totally who Stacy says Brittany needs! OMG! They exchange pleasantries, but wait a sec girl – you’ve got to play hard to get with Mr Right! She’s runs off and says she has somewhere to be.

“OMG OMG OMG STACY I TOTALLY MET SOME1!!!!!!!!!”

“OMG OMG OMG GURL U MUST GET WIV!!!!!!!!”

“NO BBZ HE CUTE BUT”

“TOTES UNDERSTANDING BUT MUST GET WIV”

Oh no! Unspecified things at work are getting hard and George wants to have the best Christmas ever, what is Brittany gonna do? She ships off responsibility for George for the night and goes to some kind of generic drinks party with Stacy, why they’re there is never explained. But wait, is that? No! It’s only Kyle! What are the chances?! He strikes up a conversation with Brittany whilst Stacy ogles him, he’s the nicest guy on planet Earth and Brittany gets butterflies just like that. They talk all night and he’s still so nice. He takes Brittany out for dinner and the two kiss! OMG! Could he be the one?!!!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!!!!!?!

Brittany and Kyle are totally in love now, he’s great with George and George loves him too, so do Stacy and discount Betty White. Kyle is most definitely Mr Right! Things at work are starting to turn around and this Christmas looks like it could be the best Christmas ever!!!
But oh no! Reasons! Kyle totally isn’t Mr Right anymore despite being the nicest guy imaginable! Brittany and Kyle breakup in dramatic fashion and things start to turn back around and Christmas is ruined! George is sad! Discount Betty White sad! Stacy is sad! Department store Santa is sad! Everyone=sad!

The consequences of leaving George unattended to mope about her own problems and dote over Kyle have now come back to haunt Brittany! George runs away, in a panic Brittany calls Stacy and Kyle to help her find him. But wait! Crisis averted! George is with Discount Betty White and Store Santa, the only people who seem to actually give a damn about him. He’s playing with the toys in the Department Store whilst Store Santa talks to him about the magic of Christmas and Discount Betty White consoles Brittany. She tells her “You go get him girl, he the best, you the best!” and Brittany goes to get her man back.

Brittany and Kyle are back together, all just in time for Christmas!!!! This despite the fact that she’s a horrible person and he could do so much better. George declares that this is the best Christmas ever, Discount Betty White and Stacy join the new happily ever after family for Christmas but Store Santa can’t make it because – plot twist – HE WAS ACTUALLY THE REAL SANTA ALL ALONG!!! :O :O :O

And they all live happily ever after.

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The Edge's Film Editor 2017-2018, David has an unabashed love for all things Dave Grohl, Jack Black and Lord of the Rings. A compulsive liar who shouldn't be trusted, David once beat legendary actor David Hasselhoff in a hot dog eating contest and is best friends with Metallica bassist Robert Trujillo, they speak on the phone three times a week.

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