The Curve #5

This week on The Curve we’ve got even weirder and more pointless news stories than before. From last edition’s tales of brothels, musicals of Jesus’ life with Britney music and Katy Perry’s album being a biohazard, this week we’ve only gone and upped our game. Think David Dimbleby’s new tat, the XXX-Factor and Countdown’s unexpected turn…

1) Katy’s re-Brand of Britain

It seems Katy Perry changes her mind like a girl changes clothes. The ‘Roar’ singer has claimed that us Brits can’t manage more than a salad. In an interview with Entertainment Weekly, Miss Perry said “No offense to beautiful Britain, but they’re not known for their cuisine.”

Strangely enough, in 2011 the California Girl tweeted all about her love for yorkshire puds and meat pies and even claimed “I love coming to London so I can have baked beans on toast”. Seems like the singers gone off England since her divorce from Russell Brand. I guess she won’t be ordering the fry up when she’s ‘Waking up in Vegas’?

2) David Dimbledeadly

The host of BBC’s Question Time, David Dimbleby, unintentionally became a fan of Megadeth last week when he unveiled a scorpion tattoo which only had six legs. The 75 year old got the tattoo as part of an upcoming TV documentary, but similarities have been drawn between the tattoo and the artwork of 2004 single ‘The Scorpion’ by LA-based metal band, Megadeth.

3) Sex spells

Countdown took an unexpected turn this week when the letters E, A, S, R, P, G, O, M and D turned up on the board. While the contestants only found very mundane six and seven letter words, Alistair McGowan and Susie Dent in dictionary corner found a far more interesting eight letter word – orgasmed. Obliging as ever, Rachel Riley put the word up on the board, while host Nick Hewer remained professional and only commented “Oh, well done. Very good.”

4) Another XXX-Factor

We’ve got another XXX-Factor story for you this week. Following on from Matt Cardle’s confession that he used to be an escort, this week we have a story relating to last years winner, James Arthur. It’s been revealed that when Mr Arthur had a lady friend over for a sleepover, he decided he was hungry so munched on some pizza. And whilst James tucked in to his dinner, his lady friend performed a ‘sex act’ on him. Classy.

5) Record deal or no deal?

Most famous nowadays for his Channel 4 game show, most people forget that Noel Edmonds is a multi-million selling artist who claimed the UK Christmas number one in 1993 alongside best friend Mr Blobby. 20 years on, Edmonds is bringing his two passions of Deal or No Deal and singing together, with new track ‘Are You Ready?’. Only appearing for one line to ask “What’s in your box?”, it’s a modest comeback for the singing sensation, but we’re sure the 64-year-old DJ known as Candice Cannes who is releasing the track is grateful.