There will be a list of my favourite films of the year posted on the site very soon, with contributions from other film writers for The Edge. But before that celebration of high-quality cinema, I thought we’d take a look back at some of the low points the film calendar has brought us this year. There have been moronic sequels, awful remakes, dreadful romcoms, and the joy of Bella bonking Edward. So, in order of awfulness, here are my ten worst films of 2011.
1. The Hangover Part II
The very worst picture of 2011 was The Hangover Part II, one of the nastiest and most atrocious pieces of gutter trash this century has given us so far. It’s the first film done all over again, only cruder, less funny, more racist, misogynist and homophobic, and far too long.
2. Transformers: Dark of the Moon
The cast can’t act. The director can’t direct. Robots hit each other. Major world disasters are crassly trivialised. Rosie Huntington-Whitely gets raped by a camera lens so that brainless teenage boys can munch popcorn, watch explosions and masturbate all at the same time.
3. New Year’s Eve
A ghastly sort-of-sequel to Valentine’s Day. If the first movie was like experiencing root canal while having confetti thrown at you, this is like having your eyes gashed out with a sequined stiletto while a talentless celebrity murders ‘Auld Lang Syne’ in the background. I didn’t like it.
4. Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides
Stop! Please stop! Depp sold out to the dollar signs and pointless 3D was added. Oh, and a man was set on fire and we got to watch. Nice one, Disney.
5. Red Riding Hood
Or rather, Twilight re-cloaked. This fairytale retelling was in desperate need of a decent script. Instead, it got one that sounded like it was written by love-smitten 15-year-olds who want desperately to be grungy and alternative.
6. Dream House
This preposterous rubbish is one of the most puzzling films of the year. Why did Craig, Weisz and Watts agree to be in it? And why was the big twist revealed in the promotional trailer?!
7. The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn Part 1
I’ve been a tentative fan of this series up until this point, but BDP1 has put a stop to that. A kitsch, ridiculous and badly scripted mess. Go on, try to keep a straight face when the dogs start talking.
8. Brighton Rock
I was quite looking forward to this, but the result was a crass, tension-less smudging of Graham Green’s novel.
9. Larry Crowne
Julia Roberts! Tom Hanks! What could possibly go wrong? Well, a lot, actually. This bafflingly bad romantic comedy couldn’t even be saved by Roberts’s considerable talent.
10. Water for Elephants
An unconvincing romance, a tedious plot, limp performances and the romanticising of animal exploitation. Fun night out, right?
1 Comment
As another writer on The Edge magazine, here’s my two-cents on what is absolutely horrific in this cinematic year.
As a year, 2011 hasn’t been one of the greatest but definitely not one of the worst, but there have been some dreadfully poor films that have been released this year. I have successfully evaded the worst of the worst, there have been a few that have slipped through the cracks.
This is my worst of 2011.
10. Transformers: Dark of the Moon – Rinse, repeat. Recycle storylines and sequences from the other films, with the worst acting of the series (seriously). But you know what, I can take that, but do not bore me. When wall to wall CGI action sequences make you itch to leave the door there is something very, very, very wrong… and sexism.
8. TIE: The Hangover: Part 2/Pirates of the Caribbean: On Stranger Tides – This is a case of seen this before, never wanted to see again but I ended up doing that. With Part 2, it is a simply a case of crudity and pointlessness does not make comedy, making you feel just dirty and more horrified than entertained.
On Stranger Tides, on the other hand, commits a bigger sin: lack of creativity within action sequences, no sense of actual threat, and phoned-in acting by all… its saving grace is the unintentional comedy at the end involving the Spanish. When people criticised the sequels for being bloated messes, this is the first film redone, straight down to Orlando Bloom and Keira Knightley clones.
7. Friends With Benefits – A romantic comedy says it is breaking the rules, and yet keeps them. The film woefully out of date, and out of era without enough ideas to cover the faults and flaws, as it was more fun to poke holes into its lack of reality (Example: Justin Timberlake’s apartment would cost millions to rent) and the effect of product placement.
Oh, and ENOUGH WITH THE FLASH MOBS!
6. The Eagle – Countryside. Countryside. Channing Tatum struggles at acting. Countryside. Countryside.
Countryside.
Countryside.
5. Sucker Punch – Misogynistic and misguided film with a cornucopia of images that do not make sense with each other outside of being Youtube clips. Single-handedly lightweight and offensive at the same time.
4. Your Highness – Not funny, entirely formulaic and lacking in any edge or intelligence to pull off a worthy homage to the fantasy genre. It doesn’t even work as a rip-off of The Princess Bride.
3. Cars 2 – Tired and annoying, it forgoes with the goodwill of the first one with a coldly designed storyline that lacks passion. Nice looking images do not compensate for such a waste of time, with a moral that doesn’t actually make logical sense (‘Always be yourself’ above all doesn’t work because THEY ARE CARS! They can be updated at any time, for any reason!).
It actually hurts me to say this because I can feel the passion the animators actually used and the hard work they put in.
2. I Am Number Four – The film has a main character we do not care about, with a plot and even set design ripped off from countless other films. To call what this film does to other, better films theft instead of homage or rip off, this film would be in prison for grand larceny.
1. Green Lantern – http://www.imustreadthis.com/you-must-hear-this-green-lantern-special/ Just listen to this. If you don’t want to bother listening, let’s just say that there are a lot of reasons…
All the characters are bad. The acting is bad. The film is bad. The scripting is bad. The film is ugly. The film has no point or purpose that can be said to be attempted. The film is bad (I know I said it twice). The premise is bad. The dialogue is bad. The backstory is bad. The main character is bad. Everything is just bad. At least I saw it in 2D and Mark Strong is great as always. If I could be bothered, I would rip clips off the dvd just to show you how bad, it is but I am not going to be responsible for violent disorder. Go in at your own risk.
There you go.