The Edge Live-Blogs: The Great British Bake-Off Finale

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The Great British Bake-Off has become an iconic piece of British television and with 10million tuning in last week for the semi-final it’s no wonder The Edge have decided to give you our insight live. After Flora crashed out on chocolate week we were left with our three finalists, Nadia Hussain, Ian Cumming and Tamal Ray.

Nadiya has famously struggled with pastry but after a cracking chocolate tart received star baker for the semi-final. She is also famous for her great quips and on-point facial expressions. Ian has been somewhat of a controversial contestant from the beginning, winning star baker for three consecutive weeks at the start of the season made him everyone’s competition. He was soon brought back to earth with various struggles with cake and cream horns, however, his inventive home-made tools remain a season favourite. Trainee anaesthetist, Tamal has continued to grow in strength from day one proving an early contender with his syringe infused pudds. Tamal has achieved his three goals on bake-off which were to survive week one, achieve star baker and receive the coveted Paul Hollywood handshake. But who will take home the crown tonight?

23.29

And that’s all folks! Thanks for sticking with us despite all our technical difficulties! To recap, here are the five big winners:

BEST FILM – The Revenant

BEST ACTOR – Leonardo Di Caprio, The Revenant

BEST ACTRESS – Brie Larson, Room

BEST SUPPORTING ACTOR – Mark Rylance, Bridge of Spies

BEST SUPPORTING ACTRESS – Kate Winslet, Steve Jobs

 

23.27

Anneka: “Film endures when we don’t… Film is forever.” S you beauty.

23.27

Natalie: And now Stephen Fry has to wrap up.

23.27

Anneka: Leo’s just stood there in the background like… ‘this is a sign’…. ‘this is my moment… we’re gonna rock the Oscars.

23.27

Natalie: I really should have gone to see this film…

23.27

Natalie: Alejandro makes it a family affair with his speeches

23.26

Natalie: Alejandro is back again for a wonderfully accented speech

23.26

Anneka: And the BAFTA goes to… – Tom Cruise wasted no time in getting that out there.

23.26

Natalie: It’s all about style, LGBT issues and the big busts of Catholicism.

23.26

Natalie: It’s going to be tight and frankly this could be the biggest hint as to what will happen at the Oscars.

23.26

Natalie: Best Film. Dun Dun Dun….with Tom Cruise.

23.25

Anneka: Alrighty then… it’s the big one – Best Film.

23.25

Natalie: He thanked his mama. Can I marry him?

23.25

Natalie: He even remembers the make-up artists names <3

23.25

Natalie: Leo’s accent is simply beautiful. Thank you for letting him win so we can hear him speak.

23.25

Anneka: Look at Leo’s little winning face. Bless him. He just has to win the Oscar in a fortnight.

23.24

Natalie: There is a God!!!!!

23.24

Natalie: LEO!!!

23.24

Natalie: It’s a great role don’t get me wrong and a beautiful movie but it’s difficult to swallow

23.24

Natalie: *Cough* Eddie Oscar-Bait Redmayne

23.24

Anneka: I love Michael Fassbender. But Leo’s got this. Michael Fassbender may actually become the next Leo. He’s lost out to so many awards!

23.23

Natalie: Okay Leo genuinely seems broken in

23.23

Natalie: Oh please marry me now.

23.23

Natalie: Julianne Moore needs to take a couple of years off. It seems she’s never away from award season.

23.22

Anneka: Next up, Best Actor – come on Leo!

23.22

Anneka: Brie is filming with Tom Hiddleston at the moment.. so I can’t really blame her for choosing him over the

23.22

Natalie: Why is Brie Larson tackling a gorilla in Australia?

23.22

Natalie: At least it went to a decent actress

23.22

Anneka: And the BAFTA goes to… Brie Larson! But she’s not there! *weeps*

23.22

Natalie: BRIE LARSON!!!!!!!!!!!

23.21

Natalie: They’re all my leading actresses….accept Saorise….

23.21

Natalie: This category is my favourite this year because it’s genuinely filled with talent.

23.21

Anneka: Come on Brie Larson! Although if Dame Maggie Smith wins, she’ll make BAFTA history…

23.21

Natalie: The story of The Lady in the Van is actually incredibly sweet.

23.20

Natalie: Sacha Baron Cohen commenting on the Oscars Race Row….funny or awkward?

23.20

Anneka: Sacha Baron Cohen’s arrived to give out the award for Best Actress…

23.19

Natalie: Leo’s just waiting for his award now….

23.19

Natalie: He was cute and mentioned his anniversary. Give him another award!

23.19

Anneka: Alejandro R. Innaritu just won the BAFTA for his direction of The Revenant Movie!

23.07

In a cruel twist of fate, our website crashed at the best bit! We continued the conversation on our Twitter account, but in case you missed it, we’ll still be updating our now not-so-live-blog with our final witterings on all the big awards!

22.22

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA for Best Foreign Language film goes to… Wild Tales. And speaking of Foreign Language films… our World Issue is out now! Nudge, nudge, wink wink, say no more….

22.18

Natalie: When Assholes is on the subtitles for a foreign film you know it’s going to be good.

22.17

ANNEKA: Next up… Carrie Fisher and Domnhall Gleeson present the award for Best Foreign Language film – I love Carrie Fisher more than life.

22.17

Natalie: Carey Fisher seems like she’d be the coolest grandma.

22.14

Natalie: Poor Matt Damon. He’s just sat at the front looking miserable.

22.14

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to… Spotlight!

22.13

Natalie: If Inside Out wins I will give up one life.

22.12

Natalie: I want Ex Machina to win Best Original. It’s simply fantastic.

22.11

ANNEKA: Aw, the bromance between Stephen Fry and Cuba Gooding Jr. is real and beautiful.

22.11

Natalie: Cuba Gooding Jr, the amazing man who gave Stephen Fry a rose…

22.11

ANNEKA: Up next… Original screenplay, presented by Cuba Gooding Jr. Could Stephen get another kiss from him this year?

22.10

Natalie: Original Screenplay!

22.09

Natalie: Here’s a BAFTA for you Tim Angel, you go Tim Angel!

22.09

Natalie: All the actors and actresses in the audience seem so bored during his speech. That’s sad.

22.08

ANNEKA: And here, we have the long-winded speech of someone unflustered by the surprise of their win. Because they knew ahead.

22.08

Natalie: Seven generations of Angels? Now that’s a good British family business.

22.08

ANNEKA: Lovely use of music there.

22.07

Natalie: Tim Angel OBE, and they play ‘Must be talking to an Angel’? Original.

22.06

Natalie: If somehow I break into the entertainment industry i’d kill to be an extra in a period drama just once.

22.05

Natalie: Now that is recycling to the max.

22.05

ANNEKA: Some really iconic costumes, here.

22.05

Natalie: What an amazing name, Morris Angel.

22.04

ANNEKA: The recipient of this year’s outstanding contribution to British cinema is the costume house, Angels.

22.04

Natalie: Cate Blanchett is everything I would aspire to be if I were an actress. Classy, timeless and hilarious. Also unfailingly feminist.

22.03

ANNEKA: The Outstanding Contribution to British Cinema is up next, presented by the flawless Cate Blanchett.

22.02

Natalie: He showed us the back of the BAFTA! Sacrilege.

22.02

ANNEKA: Did anyone ever think that the director behind Stepbrothers and Anchorman would be up on a stage like this?

22.01

Natalie: I actually really wanted to see The Big Short. This speech however has put me off.

22.01

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to…. The Big Short

21.59

Natalie: I love a good adaptation.

21.59

ANNEKA: Adapted screenplay is up next…. Come on Room!

21.58

Natalie: As if Olympus has Fallen is a respected film? Poor Angela Basset.

21.58

ANNEKA: Was Leonard Nimoy in last year’s memoriam section? Or is that a snub?

21.58

Natalie: Sir Christopher Lee to finish and if there’s a dry eye i’ll be shocked.

21.57

ANNEKA: Alan Rickman, David Bowie, Christopher Lee, Wes Craven… all such huge, gigantic losses in the world of cinema. I’m weeping.

21.57

Natalie: Oh Wes Craven you sadistic man…his horrors always terrified me.

21.56

Natalie: David Bowie…

21.55

Natalie: Alan Rickman as the first actor lost on the showreel. I will not cry…..woops

21.54

ANNEKA: Oh god. The In Memoriam section is here. I’m gonna cry.

21.54

Natalie: I love Stephen Fry’s velvet green jacket.

21.53

Natalie: Did they take ages to get to the stage or did the applause just stop really early?

21.53

Natalie: Outstanding debut is always my favourite category.

21.51

ANNEKA: Dakota Johnson and Will Poulter are presenting the award for Outstanding British Debut. Stephen Fry just said the words “charcoal grey nipple clamp.”

21.50

Natalie: There’s just something about Will Poulter..

21.49

ANNEKA: Who wears a scarf and jacket to the BAFTAs? You spend your whole life making beautiful costumes and you dress like “a bag lady”

21.48

Natalie: Jenny Beaven…the most casually dressed person at the BAFTAs.

21.47

Natalie: Mad Max takes home costume design but none of the real awards so far..

21.47

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to… Jenny Beavan for Mad Max: Fury Road – which I’m ashamed to say I still haven’t actually seen….

21.47

Natalie: Their*. I am so ashamed of myself right now.

21.47

Natalie: I love seeing the hosts’ try to read off the auto-queue. There eyes are fixed while there mouths move.

21.46

ANNEKA: Costume Design is next – I still think it’s criminal that Crimson Peak wasn’t nominated!

21.45

Natalie: I love seeing Michael Fassbender and Alicia Vikander sitting together. They don’t do red carpets but they’re so cute.

21.44

ANNEKA: Poor Rooney Mara – everyone thought Carol was going to win everything… and I don’t think she’s won anything! I’d be surprised if Cate Blanchett beats Brie Larson too.

21.43

Natalie: Why does she always do emotional speeches?

21.43

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to… Kate Winslet. Let’s cut to a proud-looking Leo now. Come on.

21.43

Natalie: Kate Winslet…..Really?

21.41

ANNEKA: Alicia Vikander should win everything. But I have a feeling Kate will take this.

21.41

ANNEKA: Best Supporting Actress now… presented by Best Actor Nominee, Eddie Redmayne.

I can’t believe you didn’t like Inside Out Natalie! I didn’t really like old’ Redmayne in The Danish Girl though. So The Edge is full of controversy tonight!

21.40

Natalie: Supporting Actress now, with award hunter Eddie Redmayne.

21.39

ANNEKA: “Express yourself” – Pete Docter appealing to the young eleven year olds of the world. Inside Out very deservedly won the BAFTA for Best Animation.

21.38

Natalie: Of course the Bafta goes to Disney’s Inside Out. Who wouldn’t give an award to a film about feelings?

21.38

Natalie: Am I the only one in the world who disliked Inside Out?

21.36

ANNEKA: Best animation is up next… any guesses for who’ll win? (It’ll be Inside Out.)

21.35

ANNEKA: It’s always kind of underwhelming when a winner isn’t there. No disrespect to Steven Spielberg of course. But I imagine all the other nominees are feeling a bit embittered right now.

21.35

Natalie: Mark is on broadway…so at least he’s doing a jig somewhere.

21.34

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to…. Mark Rylance for Bridge of Spies! ….But he’s not there!

21.34

Natalie: The nominees for best supporting actor are actually really amazing.

21.34

ANNEKA: I’d like Idris Elba to win. Just ’cause it would be great to see Rebel Wilson’s dreams come true.

21.32

ANNEKA: Rebel Wilson is making some wonderful jokes – and her attempts to woo Idris Elba are inspired to be honest!

21.31

Natalie: And the award for best host goes to Rebel Wilson.

21.30

ANNEKA: Next up… Supporting actor, presented by Rebel Wilson.

21.29

ANNEKA: “It’s a fluke!” says a surprisingly composed John Boyega upon winning his Rising Star BAFTA.

21.29

Natalie: He called it a fluke. Someone super impose a heart on him.

21.28

Natalie: Boyega you beauty!

21.28

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to…. John Boyega!

21.28

Natalie: Or Boyega… basically anyone but Dakota Johnson.

21.27

Natalie: If Egerton doesn’t win i’m going on strike. Unless it’s to Larson.

21.26

ANNEKA: Last year’s winner, Jack O’Connell is on presenting duties for this “rare, blue” award – the nominees this year include Taron Egerton, John Boyega, Brie Larson, Dakota Johnson and Bel Powley.

21.25

ANNEKA: Ah, the EE Rising Star award is up next – the only award that’s voted for by the public.

21.23

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to…. Star Wars: The Force Awakens. Obviously.

21.22

ANNEKA: It’s always so interesting to see the amount of work and technical detail put into creating the fascinating worlds created on screen.

21.21

ANNEKA: The next award is for Special Visual Effects – presented by Game of Thrones‘ Emilia Clarke and Matt Smith.

21.20

ANNEKA: Julie Walters has a lovely sparkly blue dress on… Best Actress nominee, Saoirse Ronan is among the crowd of people sauntering up to the stage to accept the award.

21.19

ANNEKA: And the BAFTA goes to…. Brooklyn!

21.17

ANNEKA: Nominees for Outstanding British Film include The Danish Girl, Brooklyn, Amy, Ex Machina, The Lobster and 45 Years. But who will win?

21.15

ANNEKA: The first award of the night is for Best British Film – presented by Kate Winslet and Idris Elba.

21.15

ANNEKA: They ended the showreel with a Chewbacca wail – brilliant.

21.14

ANNEKA: 2015 was such a great year for film – we’re just getting a look at all of the highlights now – poignantly soundtracked by the late David Bowie’s ‘Heroes’ – The ‘In Memoriam’ segment later on is sure to cause a few tears…

21.12

ANNEKA: “I just want to click him, drag him on stage, and then later delete my history” – Stephen Fry on Michael Fassbender’s foxiness.

21.11

ANNEKA: Maggie Smith looks rather flustered after her encounter with Leo, actually.

21.11

ANNEKA: I’m disappointed that we can’t go through the entire audience with the kiss cam to be honest. Imagine a kiss between Ridley Scott and Matt Damon….

21.09

ANNEKA: And Bryan Cranston and Julianne Moore really enjoyed themselves on the kiss cam – as have Rebel Wilson and Eddie Izzard!

21.08

ANNEKA: LEO JUST KISSED MAGGIE SMITH, omg

21.08

ANNEKA: Oh goodness. BAFTA has a kiss cam!

21.06

ANNEKA: “I am your father” John Boyega just got a shock.

21.02

ANNEKA: Here comes Stephen Fry – this is his eleventh time of hosting.

21.02

ANNEKA: They’re all saying nice things on the red carpet, but I think we all know that they’re cold and would rather be doing something else on Valentine’s Day…

21.01

ANNEKA: It all looks so glitzy and wonderful. And that shouty red carpet introduction from Idris Elba was fab.

20.58

ANNEKA: Here we go! Feel free to tweet us @theedgesusu and join in the conversation!

20.41

ANNEKA: 20 minutes to go before it all starts on BBC One! So exciting!

20.01

ANNEKA: We’re really struggling to avoid spoilers ahead of the BBC broadcast – darned social media. Luckily for you guys, we’re waiting until 9pm to reveal the winners – as and when they’re broadcast on the telly! Only an hour left to wait!

18.41

ANNEKA: We’ll be back at 9pm to report on the ceremony as it broadcasts on BBC One – see you then!

18.16

ANNEKA: Leo has arrived on the red carpet. I repeat, LEO HAS ARRIVED. I’m going to put it on record right now – I think this is going to be his year, both at the BAFTA’s tonight and the Oscars in a few weeks. We’ve just got to believe.

18.12

ANNEKA: We’re having some technical trouble already… but don’t the stars look beautiful tonight? I’m looking at you, Michael Fassbender.

17.31

ANNEKA: We’re already getting into the spirit of things watching all the beautiful people grace the red carpet in Covent Garden. Join us at 9pm for the big event!

17.20

– WELCOME TO THE BAFTA 2016 LIVE BLOG –

23.18

We’re wrapping this up now. Bless you all/ any of you who bothered to read.

23.18

Jack: If you have the option, pick sarcasm everytime. That’s solid game and life advice

23.10

NPC: Anything else you got a problem with?

Harrison: Your accent.

23.07

Jack: The occasional Boston accent is fun

23.06

Harrison: *Upon entering standoff* “Oooh! Drama!!”

22.56

Jack: Given his victory Harrison informed me that “that’s what I’m taking about, son”

22.54

Jack: He beat the Deathclaw! They’re basically bosses now, which is both fun and infuriating. Fun for me, infuriating for Harrison

22.52

Jack: Ooh nearly had him. Close on. Yup. Almost. Shame.

22.47

Jack: He died

22.46

Jack: Death Claw has appeared. Harrison will soon die

22.36

HARRISON: Just found a corpse with a head connected to the body only by a chain. Some Hellraiser stuff going on here.

22.34

HARRISON: A lit cigarette. That can only mean one thing.

22.29

HARRISON: All taken of now. But then again, that’s how it always looks at the end of a horror movie.

22.28

HARRISON: We left a mine for it in the doorway. It was un-phased. Now it keeps saying “Kill. Kill”

22.27

HARRISON: Scratch that, it’s more like Outlast. He’s running, hiding and trying to barricade it out. Then he discovered it could open doors. It was genuinely a freaky moment.

22.25

Jack is having a Scooby Doo moment with a medical Protrecton. Running around in circles.

22.20

The Ghouls are definitely the aspect that has improved the most; their behavior, their movement, the way they carry on after being dismembered, the way they climb through windows and under crevices.  Combat with them now rivals most survival horror games.

22.12

Jack: Watching a ghoul charge at you while cars slo-mo explode in the background is amazingly cool. So many cool unscripted moments in this game

22.06

Jack: Harrison decided that the character required the unnatural restrictions of clothing, something about “not dying”

21.55

HARRISON: He’s now got us in a baseball/naked fight with radroaches. The VATS cinematic view is offering some interesting images.

21.51

HARRISON: Now running down the streets naked, frolicking through the wasteland. Jack: “He feels so free”

21.50

HARRISON: Jack has undressed our character down to his boxers and is now staring at his bulge. He is very impressed.

21.43

HARRISON: It adds to the subtle sense of optimism, as we actually get to clean up this wasteland and improve people’s lives. Jack’s about to have a go, let’s see what he thinks.

21.42

HARRISON: So the biggest change to the series is obviously all the Minecraft stuff. Incidentally, it was also the thing I was most skeptical about. So it’s a massive relief to say that it feels A) totally optional B) totally integrated into the game and C) totally intuitive. Fallout 4 has managed what no other game has done before it, make me care about crafting.

21.38

Jack: As in they seemed to have looked at every aspect of the game and thought “how can we make this better?” rather than “What can we add to this to make it bigger?”

21.37

21.37

Jack: I’m very glad that every song from Fallout 3 is here, its just another thing to prove that 4 works primarily as an improvement of the series.

21.36

Jack: We finally figured out how critical hits work, they’re cool but slightly underpowered from what we’ve seen

21.24

HARRISON: This location is one of the best yet. The way they utilize the ghouls, who can run through the irradiated water, is genius.

21.21

HARRISON: Ghouls just flanked Jack on a walkway. It’s already one of my favourite unscripted moments so far.

21.20

HARRISON: It might be a bit smaller than some expected, but I’d rather have that than a copy and paste job. Every settlement, every landmark feels distinct. That’s what matters.

21.17

HARRISON: Jack expressing delight upon finding a new item: OOo a spine!

21.16

HARRISON: Ooooo. A flooded town.

21.14

HARRISON: The song choice is, as expected, absolutely brilliant. I also find it fascinating that so many pop songs exist from this era that openly address the possibility of nuclear destruction, whilst managing to maintain a jaunty mood.

21.11

HARRISON: Jack died so I get to hear it again.

21.10

HARRISON: ‘The End of the World” by Skeeter Davis is probably my favourite new song. It’s legitimately emotional at the right times, and it’s quite funny when played at the wrong moments.

21.06

HARRISON: ALSO, I was making my pipboy light a dark purple. Not pink!

21.05

HARRISON: We blew the head off his corpse in response in case it was.

21.04

HARRISON: I wonder if this dead postman is a reference to that horrible Kevin Costner film.

21.03

HARRISON: We just discovered that skipping dialogue makes your guy go “uh hu. Sure. Hmm” which is basically our new source of diversion for the next few hours.

21.00

HARRISON: The Synths remind me a lot of the Working Joe’s from Alien: Isolation. They have the same creepy voices.

20.59

The weather changes are an appreciated addition to the immersion of the wasteland. Storms, rain, and sunshine, are things that don’t feel obvious until they’re included, and the fact that they can influence your decisions is brilliant

20.56

Jack: The cinematic talking moments would be much nicer if they weren’t the most obviously glitchy aspect of the game. Lines are sometimes skipped, lip-syncs are all over the place, and sometimes the conversation jumps around like a French art film.

20.49

Harrison: “Blog that I’m sneaking Jack!” instantly gets spotted

20.48

Jack: Fallout 4 adds colour to the series brilliantly. Its not vibrantly happy, but it has much wider range than the greeny-brown of the Capitol Wasteland

20.45

Jack: If it weren’t for the revamped Ghouls the Synths might be one of the creepiest Fallout villians. They’re not grossout like previous creatures, or as satanic as the Deathclaw, but they stand out so cleanly against the Fallout grit that they’re unnerving.

20.42

Jack: Harrison has spent the last five minutes making sure his Pip-boy is the right shade of pink

20.41

Jack: NPC’s that don’t allow me the time to search every single crevice make me feel like I’m missing out on the game rather than following a set path

20.38

HARRISON: “Why is the lone wanderer lumbering towards us while we’re shooting at him?” “Because he’s lugging around two extinguishers,  four toasters and a mechanical rocking horse”

20.36

HARRISON: I really need to stop picking up extinguishers. The weight-to-value ratio doesn’t seem proportional.

20.34

HARRISON: THE MYSTERIOUS STRANGER! SHOWED UP It’s always fulfilling when a perk has visible impact.

20.33

HARRISON: The way the shards of metal break off them when hit is really cool.

20.32

HARRISON: Just had our first encounter with Synths. Awesome new enemy type.

20.28

HARRISON: The fact that enemies hear you when you give orders to Dogmeat is the kind of thing most games would overlook. Another little detail this gets down perfectly.

20.27

HARRISON: Me and Jack have had fairly extensive discussions about this, but honestly, I think the graphics are strikingly better than Fallout 3’s. There’s considerably more detail and the lighting and whether effects are especially improved.

20.22

HARRISON: As fun as the whole unlimited freedom thing is, it does eventually reach a point where it all seems a little macabre that this loving father ditches the quest to find his son, so that he can dick around collecting toy rockets.

20.19

HARRISON: “Travelling this far from the police station is a risk” *looks back to police station* We’ve traveled like 25 feet.

20.17

HARRISON: Jack’s surprise at being taken aback by an NPC’s running speed “Ooo he’s a crafty bugger.”

20.16

HARRISON: A113 reference! Bethesda are really good with the subtle pop culture nods. Other games would make that feel forced, probably drop it in dialouge. Here it never takes you out of the immersion.

20.12

HARRISON: Paladin Dance is a dick. Everyone is a dick. What did I do? Besides pickpocket and insult each person I meet.

20.12

Jack: Helps to prove again the multiple ways in which this game can be played

20.12

Jack: Alongside that hacking is now considerably more fun in this verison. Seems more of a puzzle game than random selection, and with a greater reward at the end, frequently offering fun alternatives to typical run-and-gun situations

20.10

Jack: Again lockpicking proves to be one of the funnest and most important skills, especially if you’re as much a hoarder as me

20.10

HARRISON: And by feint I meant faint.

20.09

HARRISON: I honestly think the ability to customize my pip boy light with RGB sliders is one of my favourite things about this. Which isn’t meant to be damning with feint praise.

20.06

Jack: Testing testing….123… Is this thing on?

20.06

Jack: Now entering the wasteland (Commonwealth)

21.03

Georgia: all I need now is GIF’s of Nadiya pointing to the plate then to her and of Mary crying #lifecomplete

21.01

Georgia: that makes me so happy

21.00

Natalie: Best bake-off ever!

20.59

Natalie: Matt became a dad and moved house. Can I marry him?

20.59

Georgia: oh god, Mary. don’t. You’ll start us all off crying!

20.58

Natalie: Ugne is a body builder?!?

20.58

Lewis: MARY NEARLY CRIED can’t handle

20.58

Natalie: My favourite bit is always the since bake-off bit.

20.57

Georgia: she’s so emotional! You can really tell how much this means to her. Well done Nadiya!

20.57

Anneka: Bless her. on the verge of tears from all the cuteness.

20.57

Natalie: Mary Berry is like the wise godmother!

20.57

Natalie: Oh Nadiya! I want to cuddle her!

20.56

Natalie: Nadiya invited Tamal round for dinner? That’s so cute!

20.56

Natalie: Best tasting final they’ve ever had. I want that cake.

20.56

Georgia: YES NADIYA!!!

20.55

Natalie: Tamal’s showstopper was so better though!

20.55

Anneka: YES!!!!! Nadiya has won!!! Such a worthy winner! And her face is a picture!

20.55

Natalie: I CALLED IT!!!!!!

20.55

Natalie: The winner is………….NADIYA!!!!!!!!!!!!

20.54

Natalie: Blatantly Nadiya or Tamal…please?

20.54

Georgia: they’ve all done great BUT Nadiya has been the most consistent…

20.54

Anneka: Come on Nadiya!! I love Tamal, but Nadiya really deserves this!

20.53

Natalie: Sticky toffee pudding cake. I want one.

20.53

Lewis: NO IAN NO

20.53

Natalie: Still don’t like carrot cake.

20.53

Anneka: Paul really needs to stop leaving such a pause between praising people, my heart can’t take it.

20.52

Natalie: Damn you Ian!

20.52

Lewis: Why is the carrot upside down it just makes no visual sense

20.52

Natalie: Turns out he makes a good carrot cake!

20.52

Natalie: SO TENSE!

20.52

Natalie: Mary needs perfection.

20.51

Natalie: Ian’s looks like a bit of a let down.

20.51

Natalie: Tamal is amazing! Paul and Merry are loving it!

20.51

Lewis: Tamal has brought himself back in the running

20.50

Natalie: Tamal, be my chef?

20.49

Lewis: IT’S ALL SO QUIET AND TENSE

20.49

Natalie: Tamal’s looks AMAZING!!!!!

20.49

Natalie: The Paul Hollywood head shake and then the…”that’s stunning.”

20.49

Lewis: Tamal’s looks SO GREAT. Ian’s does not

20.48

Natalie: Nadiya’s is ok but it just feels a little dull.

20.48

Anneka: This is so tense.

20.48

Natalie: I hate that they always have to transport it.

20.47

Camilla: Occasionally I do have an out of body moment where I’m like, ‘…They are all crying… over cake.”

20.47

Natalie: Everyone’s crying! I genuinely feel sorry for Ian now.

20.47

Natalie: Aww Tamal, don’t cry.

20.46

Natalie: Aww, group hug!

20.46

Camilla: Oh you can hear the crew clapping! GROUP HUG!

20.46

Georgia: Nadiya literally runs everywhere…

20.46

Natalie: It’s all over!

20.46

Lewis: Ian should stop prodding his cakes

20.46

Natalie: Sue shut up with the timing stuff!

20.46

Georgia: Tamal, will nothing go right for you tonight?!

20.46

Natalie: Tamal’s cake looks yummy!

20.45

Natalie: Nadiya froze her finger?

20.45

Natalie: Half an hour? Are you kidding me!?

20.44

Natalie: Oh Tamal!

20.44

Georgia: Matt, Sandy, Tamal and Nadiya are dream team!

20.44

Natalie: Is Nadiya allowed to use a cookie cutter for the icing? Isn’t that a little cheating?

20.43

Natalie: I love that Nadiya gets sassy with Paul.

20.43

Lewis: WE MISS YOU SANDY YOU WERE ROBBED

20.43

Natalie: Matt you beautiful man!

20.42

Natalie: Why is the hipster back?

20.42

Camilla: “It’s so weird being back!” But, Flora, you went away, like, last week…

20.42

Natalie: FLORA!

20.41

Natalie: Ian’s having a time of it!

20.41

Natalie: Nadiya froze the cakes to make them easier to cut….where does she find this stuff out?

20.40

Camilla: [Ian nearly drops it] If only…

20.40

Lewis: Nadiya runs everywhere

20.40

Natalie: Thunder!

20.40

Natalie: Nadiya is running everywhere!

20.39

Natalie: Nadiya is melting marshmallows in the microwave…what is this madness?

20.39

Georgia: Me and my house just ‘awww’d’ at Naidya’s cake concept

20.39

Camilla: Nadiya’s son has a sloth on this t-shirt. I like it.

20.39

Natalie: Anyone else think Nadiya’s husband is a little dishy..?

20.38

Natalie: Fondant out of marshmallows..

20.38

Camilla: Oh, Nadiya, that’s pretty! But Paul’s face…

20.38

Natalie: Nadiya’s the cutest!

20.38

Natalie: A wedding cake!

20.37

Natalie: I hate carrot cake.

20.37

Georgia: of course Ian has built his own stand!

20.36

Natalie: A cascading liquid carrot…? Alright then!

20.36

Camilla: “Ian’s built his own stand”. Of course he has. It’s like Frances is back!

20.36

Camilla: Nadiya’s nose stud matches her shirt.

20.35

Natalie: The fruit is sticky….so may jokes.

20.34

Georgia: OH BURN MARY!!!

20.34

Natalie: Tamal’s sister is crying over him on bake-off….? What the hell.

20.34

Camilla: This is like an X-Factor level backstory. Then again, if it was X-Factor, Take That would be playing over the top.

20.34

Lewis: Why prunes Tamal WHY PRUNES

20.34

Anneka: AWWW BABY TAMAL

20.33

Lewis: Mary’s look at Tamal is one of admiration

20.33

Natalie: Humidity can play with caramel..? What?

20.33

Georgia: of course it had to rain on the final!

20.33

Anneka: Tamal’s three-tier cake looks amazing on paper… but will it come out the same way?

20.33

Camilla: That looks… art deco. Tamal, how extravagant!

20.32

Natalie: I love Tamal’s nervous loud “morning!”

20.32

Camilla: Rain. Feels more British, now.

20.32

Natalie: Ian’s eating his ingredients…

20.31

Anneka: “Bells, whistles, jazz hands” – If Mel ever writes an autobiography….

20.31

Natalie: I’d need way more than four hours to bake a cake.

20.31

Camilla: Sue sounds like a patronising teacher. There are no certificates for Effort, here, Sue!

20.31

Georgia: YES NADIYA – one challenge left to go!

20.31

Natalie: Why do none of the hosts ever wear skinny Jeans? Would it kill them to wear something fitting?

20.31

Anneka: “A very special tea party” – I’m detecting Alice in Wonderland vibes.

20.31

Natalie: No Mel, just Nadiya will be crowned.

20.31

Camilla: [my flatmate Brogan]“I don’t even watch Bake Off and I’m so invested in Tamal’s future.”

20.30

Lewis: Ian’s cheeky index finger

20.30

Natalie: Yeah Tamal you definitely need to nail…it.

20.30

Lewis: “What have you done?”

20.30

Natalie: So Nadiya’s Won!

20.29

Anneka: “The pastry seems very odd. WHAT IN GODS NAME HAVE YOU DONE TO MY RECIPE” – Paul Hollywood.

20.29

Camilla: They really fell apart this technical. Just like Ian’s pastry.

20.29

Natalie: Oh bless Tamal. Cry me a River….

20.29

Georgia: oh Tamal, I’m sorry but you’ve lost it. You had done so well before this week!!

20.29

Natalie: You’d have to have a snake jaw to eat that.

20.29

Natalie: who needs layers…?

20.28

Camilla: “This one is a little neater”. [smash]Not anymore!

20.28

Lewis: I’m interested to see how one approaches to eat one of these…

20.28

Georgia: Naidya ‘whatever happens today I have to live with for the rest of my life!’ Biggest drama queen in the world? This is why we love you.

20.28

Natalie: Tamal…I can see his tears coming..

20.28

Camilla: Mel said mille feuille so weird. Draco Mille-feuille.

20.27

Natalie: I need some gingham cloth…

20.27

Natalie: Come on Tamal!

20.27

Camilla: Oh those are pretty!

20.27

Natalie: Ian’s annoyingly good.

20.27

Camilla: We are watching three people have emotional breakdowns. KEEP IT TOGETHER, GUYS.

20.27

Anneka: “I can’t even do key stage 1 maths” Oh, Nadiya.

20.26

Natalie: Nadiya can’t do key stage one maths…WHAT?

20.26

Natalie: Why would you sign up for bake-off? It’s like torture!

20.26

Anneka: Every time I see one of them using a fridge, I involuntarily shudder with fear. The Alaska-gate of last year has haunted me for the whole of this series.

20.26

Camilla: “I’m happy with that.” Sod off, Ian.

20.25

Lewis: Nadiya staring blankly into space is the highlight of the ep so far

20.25

Natalie: Nadiya is blatantly going to win. Tamal can’t hold it together and they’ll be a revolt if Ian wins.

20.25

Camilla: Warm day!? Great British Bake Off!?

20.24

Natalie: Tamal keep it together man!

20.24

Anneka: Tamal is getting a bit sassy in his frustration.

20.24

Natalie: Ian’s never made icing….Winner!

20.23

Natalie: Tamal is interpreting the instructions…? Why must you do this to me?

20.23

Camilla: No, Tamal. You are ignoring the instructions.

20.23

Anneka: Paul takes so much glee in seeing other people’s pastry nightmares. The glint in his eyes just then. So evil.

20.23

Natalie: GRATED BUTTER!?!

20.22

Natalie: They’ve realised they’re being tested….Well DUH!

20.22

Natalie: I love the way Sue says the name for the cream….the one I can’t spell.

20.22

Camilla: “They found this hard. Let’s watch them suffer.”

20.21

Anneka: Oh these poor bakers. A Paul pastry recipe?!

20.21

Natalie: Last tech challenge! And it’s a Paul Hollywood technical! PASTRY!!!!!

20.21

Georgia: I love you, but they look like hot dog buns…

20.20

Anneka: Technical time. Oh god.

20.20

Georgia: for some reason my last comment came up as negotiations… It wasn’t, it was just me!

20.20

Natalie: Pressures of the final!

20.19

Natalie: Tamal makes good marmalade.

20.19

Natalie: The texture of that bun is beautiful…..omg..

20.19

Natalie: Mary’s mean..

20.18

Natalie: Nadiya’s starting strong!

20.18

Anneka: Just not enough sugar for these judges! Nadiya’s buns look beautiful though.

20.18

Lewis: “The cream is spilling out”

20.18

Negotiations: has Naidya just bought hers off the shelves of Morrison? They look A-MAZ-ING

20.18

Natalie: They’re quite different….is that good?

20.17

Anneka: Don’t go blaming the dough. You made it. Just get out, Ian. Go on.

20.17

Natalie: I like big buns and I cannot lie…

20.17

Camilla: Who forgets sugar in the finale!?

20.17

Camilla: I feel like it’s hard to make an iced bun attractive.

20.17

Natalie: Ian forgot the sugar….rookie.

20.17

Anneka: Ian’s buns look awful.

20.16

Natalie: Love and iced bun.

20.16

Natalie: Ian’s browns ones look like poo.

20.16

Camilla: That is not a general atmosphere of contentment…

20.16

Lewis: I can’t help but feel iced buns is a pretty ugh challenge for the finale…

20.16

Natalie: Bun-ting….you get it? BUNTING!

20.15

Natalie: Tamal do not break under pressure!

20.15

Georgia: C’mon Tamal, you can do this!!!! ❤️

20.15

Camilla: TAMAL IT’S OKAY EVERYTHING’LL BE FINE

20.15

Natalie: Tamal has no creme patt……NOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!

20.15

Lewis: Hot dogs or potatoes?

20.15

Anneka: Ian’s icing is abominable! You can’t just spread it on with a spatula in the final!!

20.15

Natalie: That is some sexy piping!

20.14

Natalie: Fridge dramas.

20.14

Camilla: Nadiya’s look sort of like hot dogs…

20.14

Anneka: Nadiya’s piping skills are on point. Can you tell she’s my fave?

20.13

Natalie: Piping should be a sport.

20.13

Camilla: hashtag banter

20.13

Georgia: Ian, please just leave the tent now. Save us all from our misery!!

20.13

Anneka: Nadiya’s face, just then! “Don’t you dare judge my buns, Tamal”

20.13

Camilla: THE BUNS AREN’T TOUCHING

20.13

Natalie: Tamal’s being evil!

20.12

Natalie: One hour to get your buns in gear….i’m sniggering. The final’s getting to me guys.

20.12

Natalie: I hate cranberry, like a violent, evil hatred.

20.11

Camilla: Oh babies, oh they’re all so nervous.

20.11

Natalie: So much proving!

20.11

Natalie: Tamal and Nadiya just need to steal the trophy and hit Ian with it….No?

20.11

Camilla: At least this is the last time this year I have to see Paul do that weird, not-question-not-statement-but-really-judge-y thing.

20.10

Anneka: Now, that’s a good proven dough.

20.10

Natalie: My buns are round….classic mel.

20.10

Anneka: Awww, Nadiya’s shaking!

20.10

Natalie: Nadiya is literally shaking…

20.10

Lewis: Tamal and Nadiya have a strong bond. Can they win together please?

20.10

Georgia: Tamal and Nadiya are like BFFS, so cute

20.09

Natalie: Why is cardamon so popular?

20.09

Camilla: Precision. Baking is science.

20.09

Natalie: This is making me hungry.

20.09

Lewis: Does Ian want to say “elderflower” any more

20.09

Natalie: Tamal isn’t flavouring his dough…..OMG Tamal why?

20.08

Anneka: Mary and Paul not having any of Ian’s BS.

20.08

Anneka: Oh shut up, Ian. Elderflower. So pretentious. I HOPE IT FAILS.

20.08

Georgia: oh, classic Tamal! *stage laugh*

20.08

Natalie: I hate elderflower.

20.08

Lewis: Laugh it off Tamal

20.07

Natalie: Only Ian would double up on dough.

20.07

Camilla: It’s like they’re in the trenches of WWII, when they’re between the oven benches.

20.07

Anneka: Tamal’s smashing things in the tent!

20.07

Georgia: what’s wrong with a basic iced bun, you ruin it with all these OTT flavours!

20.07

Natalie: Ian can take that thermometer and…

20.06

Natalie: I’m sniggering at “wet dough” god help me.

20.06

Natalie: The Paul Hollywood stare is deadly.

20.06

Lewis: Mary’s gestures are on point this evening

20.06

Natalie: Tamal is Bae.

20.05

Georgia: I LOVE ICED BUNS – an underrated yet excellent cake

20.05

Camilla: [my flatmate Brogan]“I hate Paul Hollywood. He gives me the heebs.”

20.05

Lewis: BAAAAKE. Can Sue please stop now

20.05

Natalie: I love an iced bun….(stage wink)

20.05

Natalie: “Just cooking another thing.” No Ian! This is BAKE-OFF!

20.04

Camilla: I’m sure puns will be made about Tamal filling various peoples buns.

20.04

Georgia: tbh I wouldn’t mind out of the two of them, just NOT IAN PLS

20.04

Natalie: BAAAAAAAKKKEEEE!

20.04

How can you even pick between Mel and Sue?? I love them both.

20.04

Camilla: Mel looks so cute!

20.04

Lewis: Nadiya or Tamal for sure. Not Ian. Just no.

20.04

Natalie: Tense!

20.03

Georgia: I love Tamal, but Nadiya deserves to win

20.03

Natalie: Nadiya wants to win! Go away Ian.

20.03

Camilla: Tamal, my son.

20.03

Natalie: I need a chocolate peacock.

20.03

Lewis: Missing Mel. Definitely not Sue. Sorry, Anneka

20.02

Anneka: This is the last time we’re going to see Nadiya’s amazing facial expressions! Personally, I’m betting on her to win! Her bakes have been so interesting!

20.02

Natalie: I think I do too Lewis.

20.02

Natalie: Nadiya’s nervous? Pah! She’s such a winner.

20.02

Here we go! #NadiyatoWin

20.02

Lewis: I have the same blazer as Sue

20.01

Anneka: We don’t get nearly enough Mel and Sue in a year. I’m going to miss them (and their cake-fuelled banter) so much.

20.01

Natalie: I get excited every time i hear that music!

20.01

END OF AN ERA. OH NO I’M ALREADY EMOTIONAL.

20.01

Natalie: No one watches the One Show.

20.01

Lewis: THE APPRENTICE ADVERT. (Probably better than GBBO in my unpopular opinion.)

20.01

Natalie: The canopy!

20.00

Natalie: It’s Time!

20.00

Anneka: WE’RE SECONDS AWAY!!

19.59

Lewis: Do people actually watch The One Show?

19.57

Anneka: I’m bored of The One Show. Bring on the cakes!

19.57

Lewis: To clarify, that anonymous comment was from me.

19.55

The excitement for GBBO finale in my house is HUGE.

19.54

Natalie: I’m so excited!

19.52

Anneka: Just under 10 minutes to go before the finale begins! So excited to see who will come out as this year’s winner!

19.21

THOMAS: So… That was Square Enix 2015 E3. Thank you for checking out this liveblog! That should be the last major developer’s conference, so thank you for joining us all at Edge for E3 this year!

19.20

THOMAS: The Final Fantasy theme is playing in the background, as Square Enix signs off. What a nice way to end the conference

19.19

THOMAS: All the developers are coming back on stage. It seems like the conference may be ending soon. But without anything else to show off from the upcoming Final Fantasy XV?

19.18

THOMAS: Square Enix are celebrating their dedication to roleplaying games.

19.16

THOMAS: It seems that all they have of this game so far is concept art, but Square Enix seems confident in it to announce it this early – Project SETSUNA is the name. Global release in 2016, so maybe development is further along than I thought.

19.15

THOMAS: A new RPG project coming from Square Enix, and a small subsidiary studio – Tokyo RPG Factory

19.13

THOMAS: Final Fantasy Portal App being announced. English version coming this summer

19.13

THOMAS: Deus Ex: Mankind Divided is going to come in early 2016!

19.12

THOMAS: Seems to be more of an emphasis on gunplay this time around, as opposed to the more stealth-oriented Human Revolution. Both games are play-as-you-want, however, so it shouldn’t matter

19.11

THOMAS: Ooh, this game is looking good. The new engine is definitely giving it a distinct look

19.09

THOMAS: In-game trailer! Finally!

19.09

THOMAS: Choice is going to be a big part of the game, as it has been throughout the series!

19.07

THOMAS: Deus Ex is probably my personal favourite game franchise, outside of Bioshock, so consider me excited.

19.06

THOMAS: New game engine, didn’t catch the name, but it sounds exciting! We may see some gameplay

19.06

THOMAS: Ah! Was just about to write about the lack of Deus Ex, but the creative director for it has taken to the stage!

19.04

THOMAS: Criticising cutscenes as ‘integrity’ – Events will be told through dynamic cutscenes, to move away from the notion that JRPGs are more like movies than games

19.03

THOMAS: Been described as an old-school Japanese RPG, which definitely seems to be the case. No real problem with this.

19.01

THOMAS: Uh… Will every door do that?

19.01

THOMAS: Already showing off some gameplay. Nice of you, Square Enix.

19.00

THOMAS: I could easily be persuaded to pick this up, I think. Star Ocean: Integrity and Faithlessness is the name.

19.00

THOMAS: Not played the Star Ocean series, before. Heard good things. This looks like it’s either going to be a remake or a sequel

18.58

THOMAS: Ooh, the montage had Final Fantasy XV on it! Presumably that’ll be coming this conference!

18.57

THOMAS: Looks good. I loved the Hitman series, was a bit let down by Absolution, but this looks like it’s going to back to it’s roots. Coming December 8th

18.53

THOMAS: The game seems like it’s going to be a huuuuge sandbox title. Awesome.

18.52

THOMAS: In fact, it’s going to be a more cooperative experience. It’s almost like a Hitman MMO.

18.51

THOMAS: Seems like it’s going to be based on the online experience from Hitman Absolution. I could be wrong about this, though

18.51

THOMAS: Time for the new Hitman to be talked about!

18.50

THOMAS: The game seems to be for those who haven’t played Final Fantasy before, and are looking to get started, which is strange, since all of the games are standalone stories, anyway

18.48

THOMAS: Thought he said ‘Hideo Kojima’ for a second, which would have been… odd.

18.47

THOMAS: Coming on PS4 and Vita in 2016, thus confirming that Square Enix care more about the Vita than Sony themselves, do.

18.47

THOMAS: I’m definitely interested in this, but have no idea what it actually is.  Seems to be a kid-friendly version of Final Fantasy.

18.46

THOMAS: World of Final Fantasy, Square Enix’s mystery project from yesterday’s Sony Conference

18.45

THOMAS: Oh, thank you, Square Enix!

18.43

THOMAS: The game is looking as gorgeous as ever, with some really cool gameplay stuff, it seems.

18.42

THOMAS: Here we go with some gameplay!

18.42

THOMAS: Hm, doesn’t seem like we’re going to be having Star Wars or Marvel in it, unfortunately. Still, Tangled is a nice addition!

18.41

THOMAS: Tangled confirmed for Kingdom Hearts III!

18.40

THOMAS: Ahh, this more like it! Kingdom Hearts III! And we’re going to see some footage from the game!

18.39

THOMAS: The story is apparently going to link into Kingdom Hearts III, which is a nice touch.

18.39

THOMAS: Game seems like it could be fun, to be fair, and it’s nice to see the game stepping into the world of tablet/mobile gaming. Game is called Kingdom Hearts: Unchained. I will not be satisfied unless Django appears in the game.

18.38

THOMAS: Oh… it’s… it’s another companion game. Still, maybe some more on Kingdom Hearts III later to come?

18.37

THOMAS: KINGDOM HEARTS YES! OH MY GOD!

18.37

THOMAS: Porting the FFVII PC version to the PS4 has been delayed, but they’re now bringing the game to the iOS, as well

18.36

THOMAS: More detailed information on the FFVII remake to come in the future, apparently.

18.34

THOMAS: Ah, another look at the Final Fantasy VII remake, here! Seems to be the exact same trailer from Sony’s conference, though.

18.34

THOMAS: Translator seems to have taken a lunch break, so no idea what’s actually going on here…

18.33

THOMAS: “Kingdom Hearts” SAY NO MORE, I’M ALREADY SOLD!

18.33

THOMAS: Ah, a montage of what games are coming up now. The new Final Fantasy, Life is Strange, Dragonsquest, featuring on this

18.31

THOMAS: Seems like they’re going to be giving the Hitman GO treatment to Tomb Raider with Lara Croft GO. Could be good. No word on release date, yet.

18.30

THOMAS: Square Enix Montreal have taken to the stage. What for, you ask? …Mobile/tablet games… I am so sorry.

18.29

THOMAS: Their aim is to create a lifelike and believable Lara Croft. The characterisation of Lara Croft was a huge selling point of the previous title, so hopefully this pays off

18.28

ALEX: Well I think that’s it for new announcements guys. Thanks for joining me. Rather disappointed that they didn’t show off more actual gameplay for more games, but if you stay tuned to twitch then there might be more. Also, no Zelda WII U….which is also disappointing.

18.28

THOMAS: The stream appears to be bugging. No idea of this is the video they’re showing, the stream itself, or the stream just for me.

18.27

THOMAS: We’re going to get a behind-the-scenes look at the game, in particular focusing on the development of Lara Croft herself

18.26

THOMAS: Rise of the Tomb Raider, coming 10th November. Game director on Tomb Raider has just taken the stage, now

18.25

THOMAS: Now a look at the new Tomb Raider. We already saw some of this at the Microsoft conference earlier today, but hopefully we should be getting some more information

18.24

THOMAS: Still a new Nier game is exciting, and the developers definitely seem confident in this project!

18.24

THOMAS: Uh…. Bye, creepy mask guy?

18.22

THOMAS: Why… Why is he wearing that mask? What is going on here?

18.21

THOMAS: Uhm… Well… This is terrifying…

18.21

THOMAS: Yes, it’s been confirmed. New Nier game coming up!

18.20

THOMAS: Looks like it’s going to be a sequel to Nier. Never played the first game, but heard very good things, so this seems highly anticipated. More information to come Fall 2015.

18.19

ALEX: That went on way too long.

18.19

THOMAS: Developed by some familiar Square Enix names. People behind Dragon Quest, Metal Gear and Final Fantasy all collaborating on this game

18.18

THOMAS: New game being announced, early in development apparently

18.18

THOMAS: Just Cause 3 trailer rating: EXPLOSIONS/10

18.17

THOMAS: This game looks like it’s going to have much more gameplay modes than the previous Just Cause, as well!

18.15

THOMAS: Game is going to be set on Rico’s home island, with a much more powerful grappling hook than the previous game – You can actually smash helicopters into the ground!

18.13

ALEX: Platinum Games and Star Fox? Interesting…

18.12

THOMAS: Wingsuit and updated grapple hook are going to feature in Just Cause 3. They seem to understand what the appeal is. Release date for December 1st 2015 on Xbox One, PS4 and PC!

18.12

ALEX: Sick burns from Miyamoto.

18.11

THOMAS: Even more detail on Just Cause 3 coming!

18.11

THOMAS: Already disappointed with this conference, as none of the hosts are puppets.

18.09

THOMAS: I absolutely loved Just Cause 2, and Rogers is dead on accurate about how we’re still having fun with it. It’s nice to see him promising long-term support for the upcoming Just Cause 3

18.08

THOMAS: I am just joking, it’s always nice to see companies celebrating the games they’ve currently got out

18.07

THOMAS: “Just before we talk about the games” *Rolls eyes into back of head*

18.07

THOMAS: Phil Rogers starting it off, here

18.06

THOMAS: Getting straight into it with a look at Just Cause 3, also known as Being A Total Badass: The Video Game

18.06

ALEX: A very pretty game, Star Fox is looking good.

18.06

THOMAS: Aaaaaand we’re off!

18.04

THOMAS: While waiting, feel free to check out the stream of even our liveblog for the Nintendo’s digital event, which is still ongoing!

18.02

ALEX: The Star Fox transformations look like they work really well, very fluid.

18.02

THOMAS: And the conference is officially late. This being E3 and all…

18.01

ALEX: The Mech game was a Metroid title? Okay.

17.59

THOMAS: Before the conference, Square Enix have some interesting factoids coming at us, which is pretty cool

17.58

ALEX: I like the fact that the trees are destructible…that’s a nice little touch.

17.56

ALEX: I’m kind of wishing that the muppets would come back.

17.55

THOMAS: Square Enix’s conference should be underway in five minutes! Hopefully we’ll get a look at some more Kingdom Hearts III stuff, and maybe some gameplay for the upcoming Deus Ex sequel

17.55

ALEX: A re-imagining…..isn’t that just a remake?

17.54

ALEX: A treehouse team…..they lock them in the treehouse…this is weird.

17.53

ALEX: Star Fox Zero Gameplay now being displayed.

17.52

ALEX: I.E ZELDA!!!

17.51

ALEX: We appreciate it that you’re charitable but come-on!

17.50

ALEX: Give us games dammit Reggie!!

17.48

ALEX: More kind of awkward 30th anniversary stuff for Mario.

17.47

ALEX: Mario Maker can be played this week in Best Buys stores…in the US… oh well.

17.45

ALEX: Again, this is nice, but it’s a tad too long.

17.43

ALEX: More Mario Marker footage is being explained.

17.41

ALEX: Miyamoto talking about how old he his.

17.41

ALEX: Mario Power Tennis!! Ultra Smash

17.40

ALEX: A New Mario RPG, Mario and Luigi Paper Jam.

17.38

ALEX: Coming holiday 2015.

17.38

ALEX: Yokai Watch, the Japanese export..

17.36

ALEX: MARIO YOSHI IS HORRIFIC. KILL IT WITH FIRE.

17.36

ALEX: This is going on far too long, even for cuteness…it cannot last…

17.34

THOMAS: Square Enix’s conference should be beginning in about half an hour! See you all here, when it does!

17.33

ALEX: Yoshi’s Wooly World cuteness now.

17.32

ALEX: Animal Crossing mario party….this is too meta now..

17.31

ALEX: Animal crossing…Tom Nook’s school? Oh happy home designer…right

17.29

ALEX: Xenoblade Chronicals X trailer.

17.28

ALEX: Iwata likes Bananas? I guess?

17.27

ALEX: Persona-like game?

17.26

ALEX: Fire Emblem Fates announced…maybe the combined campaigns of If?

17.25

ALEX: And in English! For once!

17.24

ALEX: Fire Emblem If!!!

17.24

ALEX: Looks like Nintendo are showing off they’re newly leaked 3Ds mech game.

17.23

ALEX: You can be a boat in it….

17.21

ALEX: Mentions of Hyrule Warriors on the 3Ds.

17.21

ALEX: Online multiplayer? Nintendo? who are you?

17.20

ALEX: Includes something called the totem mechanic, where you can stack players on top of one another. It seems to be a co-op game.

17.18

ALEX: The Legend of Zelda: Triforce Heroes on 3Ds, coming Fall 2016.

17.17

ALEX: It’s very link between worlds.

17.16

ALEX: Looks like a new Zelda: Four Swords adventures.

17.15

ALEX: Oh god the muppets.

17.15

ALEX: Amibo/skylander figures. The question is, how many will actually be available to buy? Will this end the great amibo shortage of 2015?

17.13

ALEX: Amibo….and Skylanders…unite? Is it possible?

17.11

ALEX: More on Super Mario Maker.

17.10

ALEX: NX? interesting….

17.08

ALEX: You can transform your R-Wing on the fly to the Landmaster, the gyrowing and the walker.

17.07

ALEX: The gamepad serves as a way of aiming.

17.06

ALEX: Confirmed WII U title, with Gyro-controls

17.04

ALEX: Star Fox Zero, dated 2016 winter.

17.04

ALEX: Looks like there’s some kind of walker mech.

17.03

ALEX: Looking like a classic Star Fox title, with flying and everything!

17.02

ALEX: Star Fox anyone?

17.01

ALEX: This is already amazing.

17.00

ALEX: MUPPET IWATA!!

17.00

ALEX: It’s started!!

16.48

ALEX: The conference is due to start in about ten minutes! I’ll be here as your guide for next hour/hour and a half. GET HYPE!

03.34

TOM: Wow, Uncharted looks amazing. That’s it for tonight, time for bed.

03.34

THOMAS: And that’s it for Sony’s E3 conference! Come back later, Nintendo should be being liveblogged at 5:00PM (GMT), followed by Square Enix’s conference at 6:00PM (GMT)!

03.33

JOE: So that’s all folks. Hope you enjoyed that. I loved seeing all the new footage, but a little disappointed in the lack of 2015 exclusives.

03.32

THOMAS: Have to keep reminding myself that this is all gameplay we’re seeing. This looks incredible

03.31

JOE: That car is indestructible!

03.29

THOMAS: Destructible environments are a nice touch, especially!

03.28

THOMAS: This game is looking good. Was worried Uncharted wasn’t going to be able to take full advantage of the moving up to the next console generation, but I’ve been proven wrong, I think

03.26

THOMAS: Ah, the highlight of any E3 conference. Technical difficulties!

03.26

TOM: Crashed a little bit then. No worries, start again.

03.25

THOMAS: …What’s… going on?

03.25

TOM: Wow! Look at that.. Looks stunning!

03.24

THOMAS: And it’s Uncharted 4. Rumours of a new Crash Bandicoot game are, unfortunately, false. No problem with a new Uncharted, though!

03.23

THOMAS: Final game of the night, coming up!

03.23

TOM: Uncharted time!

03.23

JOE: Although Star Wars: Battlefront has got some stick for its limited number of maps, it does look very fun!

03.20

THOMAS: “Luke Skywater” …Alright.

03.20

THOMAS: Ooh, we’re getting another look at Battlefront. Seems like they’re going to be talking about the singleplayer side of the game.

03.19

THOMAS: Boba Fett is going to be an exclusive for Playstation 4. So… If that doesn’t sell the Playstation 4 to you, I don’t know what will

03.18

THOMAS: Playstation 4 will be getting an exclusive Star Wars pack and Rise Against the Empire Set, it seems. I may be slightly off with some of the details on that, though

03.16

THOMAS: Star Wars is going to be in Disney Infinity – Buuuut, is it going to be in Kingdom Hearts? Sorry, I’ll shut up about that game, now.

03.15

THOMAS: Aaaaaaand: Star Wars theme!

03.14

THOMAS: Camera cuts to very bored-looking journalist

03.14

JOE: Now time for the token vita showcase!

03.14

TOM: The Vita lives!!

03.13

THOMAS: Ooh, a nice montage of upcoming games here. Are these the one’s they didn’t have time to show anything for? If so, I’m a bit disappointed that they aren’t going to be showing anything for the new Deus Ex. Maybe at Square Enix’s conference?

03.12

THOMAS: Parkour of Duty

03.11

JOE: Call of Duty, now with added wall-running!

03.08

TOM: I’m not really sure what Call of Duty is trying to do anymore…

03.08

JOE: Very Battlefield-esque

03.07

THOMAS: I mean, there have been some cool changes, but the fact is, this still feels like I’m very much watching the same game from the past several years of Call of Duty, here.

03.06

THOMAS: Seems like Activision have now jumped ship to Sony, after usually where they normally grace Microsoft’s conference. Could be due to the negative response to their conference last year.

03.05

TOM: I may be in the minority but I only care about the single player in Call of Duty. I just wish the multiplayer was more like the first Modern Warfare.

03.04

THOMAS: Or Call of Duty: Black Ops 3

03.03

THOMAS: Call of Honour: Modern Militaryfare 56: Action Edition: Spec Black Operations Force Delta Cube 5

03.02

JOE: Currently showing off PlayStation Vue, not particularly applicable to the UK right now.

03.02

THOMAS: Oh… TV stuff. At a video games conference. Bathroom break time, methinks

02.59

THOMAS: Sony are now showing off their virtual reality concept: Project Morpheus. Still no idea who will win the VR wars, the Oculus, Project Morpheus, or the Vive?

02.58

TOM: Andy House, was wondering where he was. Time for Morpheus stuff.

02.58

JOE: Looks very dark, suitable for its 18 rating.

02.58

THOMAS: Very creepy opening, though what can you expect with Scarecrow as the villain?

02.57

THOMAS: Definitely looking forward to this game. Seems like it’s going to be a satisfying conclusion to the Arkham franchise!

02.57

TOM: Arkham Asylum is one of my favourite games of all time. Been waiting for ages, cannot wait until next Tuesday!

02.56

JOE: Getting this next week. Can’t wait, looks so good!

02.55

TOM: Arkham City spoilers there..

02.54

THOMAS: Ah, that familiar, creepy, terrifying smile suggests that this is Batman: Arkham Knight!

02.54

TOM: Next week, that’ll be Arkham Knight. Can’t wait!

02.54

THOMAS: Oh, Sony, you’re just showing off now!

02.52

TOM: Shenmue 3!

02.51

THOMAS: Ooh. A Shenmue sequel!? At last!

02.50

THOMAS: I can forgive the lack of Kingdom Hearts, for that. Also, I’m living on the hope that they may show it off at Square Enix’s conference later on.

02.50

TOM: Now for some cool looking indie games from Devolver Digital.

02.50

JOE: Never played Final Fantasy so don’t know much about it. However, Sony still haven’t announced and new games for this year I don’t think…

02.49

TOM: After last year’s tease I can’t believe they’re finally remaking it!! Final Fantasy 7!

02.48

THOMAS: Oh my god. It’s finally coming!

02.48

THOMAS: Oh damn. It’s a Final Fantasy VII remake. Holy crap! At last!

02.48

THOMAS: Nope. Instead looks like it might be the newest Final Fantasy, actually. No problem with this, though!

02.47

THOMAS: Could this be… Kingdom Hearts!?

02.47

TOM: Final Fantasy VII remaster?!?

02.47

THOMAS: World of Final Fantasy. Sounds interesting, not much given but locations

02.45

THOMAS: Oh, okay Final Fantasy. Nice!

02.45

JOE: looks like you get the choice to play as a male or female assassin.

02.45

TOM: As usual, AC: Syndicate will feature Playstation exclusive missions.

02.44

JOE: I’m not used to cockney accents in video games!

02.44

TOM: This AC:Syndicate trailer focuses on the female protagonist.

02.44

THOMAS: I will say that, after the controversy surrounding Ubisoft’s lack of female assassin’s at last year’s E3, they seem more than keen to make up for it this year, which is pretty good.

02.43

JOE: timed exclusives again for PS4 in terms of gear, maps and strikes.

02.43

THOMAS: Followed by more Assassin’s Creed. I’ll… I’ll sit this one out, as well..

02.42

JOE: Destiny: The Taken King out 15th September. Looks so fun!

02.40

TOM: Destiny… I’ll pass you all over to Joe..

02.40

THOMAS: Are… are they still doing stuff about Destiny? …Yikes.

02.39

JOE: Oh Destiny!

02.39

THOMAS: That game seems veeeeery interesting, looking forward to hearing more about it

02.38

JOE: Indie alert!

02.38

TOM: Ah, Firewatch is coming to console, not just PC, with excellent Olly Moss made art!

02.38

THOMAS: ‘Firewatch’ now. Looks like a cartoonish and comical game. Seems interesting.

02.37

THOMAS: Huh… Weird. I don’t know how much of this is doable if you’re a professional, and how much just anybody can accomplish. We’ll have to see

02.36

JOE: This, like Littlebigplanet is going to really show off the creativity of gamers.

02.36

THOMAS: Actually, this explains some of the weirdness from Media Molecule’s announcement a couple of years ago, with the motion controls. This has seriously come a long way since then, it seems.

02.35

THOMAS: This game looks… surreal. I like it.

02.35

TOM: This looks very, very odd..

02.34

THOMAS: Game seems to be based around the concept of ‘dreams’ – User-created content somehow plays a role in this

02.34

JOE: media molecule are up now. They embody creativity, a very impressive developer.

02.33

THOMAS: Aaaaand Media Molecule are here. Very interesting development company, who are usually doing something very creative.

02.33

TOM: Media Molecule’s new game!

02.32

JOE: well that was a little underwhelming if i’m honest.

02.31

THOMAS: The game doesn’t seem to have an ‘objective’, but there definitely seems like there’s going to be a lot to do in the game. Exploration to be the name of the game, here.

02.29

TOM: We understand that No Man’s Sky is big, but how does it actually play? What do you do in it?

02.28

JOE: No Man’s Sky looks huge, but will the gameplay be good enough?

02.28

THOMAS: Every single point of light in this game is a sun, with planets and life and ecology surrounding it. The scale of this game is massive.

02.26

THOMAS: Yep! Sean Murray has taken to the stage! Here we go! Finally time for some live gameplay

02.26

TOM: No Man’s Sky, this will surely get a release date.

02.26

JOE: Having said that, do developers not hire game testers anymore? Just use the public!

02.25

THOMAS: Is No Man’s Sky coming up next? Sounds like it

02.25

THOMAS: And it’s now time for Street Fighter V, or Punching People: The Game. Not really a brawler fan, so no idea what constitutes ‘good’ or ‘bad’ here

02.25

TOM: We’ve not got any cast iron release dates as of yet…

02.24

THOMAS: Playstation users will be getting a beta of the game when they pre-order, and six new contracts to take out, in the game.

02.24

JOE: I don’t know much about Hitman. However, I shall test the exclusive beta!

02.23

THOMAS: With the name just being “Hitman” it seems like this may be a remake of the first game, actually. Will need more information, it seems.

02.22

THOMAS: So long as it makes an attempt to learn from the mistakes of the disappointment that was Hitman: Absolution, this could be very good.

02.22

TOM: New Hitman I think.

02.21

JOE: Zero even

02.21

THOMAS: “47”? A new Hitman game!?

02.21

THOMAS: The game is called Horizon: Zero Dawn

02.21

JOE: Horizon: Hero Dawn

02.18

TOM: Gameplay already for two essentially new games, don’t see that very often. No cinematic rubbish here.

02.17

THOMAS: Oh my god, not only does the game look stunning, but conceptually it sounds fantastic, as well. Definitely interested here, at least

02.17

JOE: we’re getting some gameplay again! Good stuff!

02.16

THOMAS: Looks like a cross between sci-fi and fantasy. A sort of post-apocalyptic setting, but with a more optimistic feel to it

02.16

TOM: Wow, this looks beautiful!

02.15

JOE: This game looks beautiful

02.15

THOMAS: Now a new franchise coming from Guerilla Games. Not a huge Killzone fan, but this already looks much more interesting

02.14

TOM: Geurilla have been rumoured to be working on a huge fantasy RPG, this may be it.

02.14

THOMAS: Can it live up to the hype, though? Only time will tell. And… reviews, I guess.

02.13

JOE: Oh hey Shuhei!

02.13

TOM: The happiest man alive Shuhei Yoshida is here to talk about the game.

02.13

THOMAS: Release date coming sometime in 2016. Sony should just drop the damn mic.

02.13

JOE: released next year… dubious!

02.11

THOMAS: This definitely feels like it wouldn’t have worked on previous-gen consoles, such as the PS3. Maybe this is why we’ve not seen anything of it until tonight?

02.11

JOE: That definitely looks like a giant yorkshire terrier.

02.09

TOM: This must be out relatively soon, they wouldn’t risk another early announcement.

02.09

JOE: Actual gameplay is being shown, this looks so vast.

02.08

JOE: This has been hyped beyond belief, this better be good when it releases!

02.08

THOMAS: What a way to start a conference, Sony! Already I have a feeling that we’re in for a good night

02.07

TOM: My god…it’s really it!

02.07

THOMAS: Already this game looks beautiful. Definitely feels like the several years of development hell this game has been through have paid off

02.06

JOE: could it be?!

02.05

TOM: The Last Guardian?!?

02.05

THOMAS: Oh my god… Is this… Is this The Last Guardian!?

02.05

TOM: Blah, blah, blah…show us the games!

02.04

JOE: So much PR speak!

02.03

THOMAS: Shawn Layden has taken to the stage to begin this conference!

02.02

JOE: Sony better smash this out of the park

02.01

JOE: Well i’m glad that these two have given you an introduction! I’ve been trying to kill time!

02.01

THOMAS: Conference is just about to begin, it seems!

01.57

THOMAS DAVIES: About three-four minutes until Sony’s conference begins!

01.30

TOM HOPKINS: In 30 minutes it’s time for the one many of us have been waiting for- Sony’s E3 conference. More Uncharted 4, a load of new games, surprises and maybe even The Last Guardian. Can they match Microsoft’s excellent showing from earlier today?

00.13

TOM: Well, that was certainly better than EA’s conference. New South Park, Ghost Recon etc. That was good fun, next up Sony.

00.12

THOMAS: That’s Ubisoft’s E3 Conference done! It was as wild, crazy, hilarious and awkward as they always are. Check back later for Sony’s E3 conference!

00.11

THOMAS: Ghost Recon: Wildlands! Game looks massive!

00.11

TOM: I’ve never been a Ghost recon fan but this looks brilliant! Ghost Recon: Wildlands!!

00.09

THOMAS: The franchise is usually pretty hit and miss, but this looks incredibly exciting, and a nice direction for the series to go. (If it is GR, that is)

00.09

THOMAS: Looks like a new Ghost Recon game, actually!

00.08

TOM: Is this Ghost Recon?!?

00.06

THOMAS: Nah, you know what, if Beyond Good and Evil 2 has actually gotten this dark, that would be a surprise… This seems like a new IP.

00.06

THOMAS: Surprise game coming up. Beyond Good and Evil 2?

00.05

TOM: 1868 setting. We’re now being given a history of the story. If you’re in LA you can play it this week. If not, bad luck.

00.04

THOMAS: What would really sell this game to me, is if halfway through it turned out to be Beyond Good and Evil 2.

00.03

TOM: Ooh, chairs as weapons. If you’re like myself and you love this series this looks great.

00.02

TOM: Everything you’d expect from an AC game. Murdering, stabbing, leaping and a river. Plus train riding.

23.59

TOM: Assassin’s Creed Syndicate time!!

23.58

THOMAS: Yeah, I can get behind this game. Couldn’t agree more with Tom’s description of it as ‘old school arcade-y fun’

23.57

THOMAS: Randomly generated tracks seems like a lot of fun, in fact!

23.56

TOM: This looks like good, old school, arcade-y fun.

23.56

THOMAS: Kind of feels like an updated version of Wipeout, but without the futuristic stuff, which I can dig.

23.55

THOMAS: To be fair, I’m enjoying the more chaotic style of the tracks to other racing games shown at this year’s E3

23.55

TOM: This next game looks like a gravity defying, futuristic formula one game.

23.55

THOMAS: So Trackmania Turbo. It… definitely looks like a racing game, that’s for sure.

23.53

THOMAS: Rainbow Six: Siege’s beta opens on September 24th 2015!

23.52

TOM: Beta- September 24th.

23.49

THOMAS: Still, looks very entertaining all the same. Not really played the Rainbow franchise before, but this seems like a good one to start with

23.49

TOM: I will get really frustrated if I have to play this game at this pace.

23.48

THOMAS: I mean, this game’s ‘live’ gameplay seems ridiculously rehearsed. I may just be being cynical, though.

23.45

THOMAS: Uh… weird bit of heckling going on, there. Was that necessary?

23.45

TOM: Looks like there might be a single player mode. A lot of people thought there wouldn’t be.

23.45

THOMAS: It’s quite refreshing to see a well-known, top-quality actress being so enthusiastic about their upcoming appearance in a video game

23.43

TOM: Actress Angela Barrett is on stage to talk about her part in the game.

23.42

THOMAS: “Once you die, you stay dead” – So, the game is going to be 10% gaming, 90% spectating?

23.42

THOMAS: This is apparently Rainbow Six: Siege. That’s… that’s all I can tell you, at this moment.

23.41

TOM: A new cinematic Rainbow Six: Siege trailer.

23.40

THOMAS: “That’s killer” – I hope this conference comes with more 90s slang like this

23.39

THOMAS: Just Dance 2016 is becoming available October 2016, on PS4, XBOX One,and Wii-U, and it’s coming with a streaming subscription service

23.38

THOMAS: I hope Jason Derulo’s cameo is as needlessly long as pointless as Pele’s appearance at EA’s conference. That would be great.

23.38

TOM: He’s ‘a huge fan’… Course he is…

23.37

TOM: I can guarantee Jason Derulo doesn’t play Just Dance very often!

23.37

THOMAS: Ubisoft showing their streetwise style by getting some cool dancers, to bust some of the raddest moves of the day, there

23.35

THOMAS: Not fussed on the game itself, but this is usually the most hilariously awkward part of, not just Ubisoft’s conference, but pretty much all of E3, so I’m all for this!

23.35

TOM: Jason Derulo??!?

23.34

THOMAS: Oh, good. Time for Just Dance. Great. Just… great.

23.33

THOMAS: What is this man? According to Aisha Tyler a ‘life-size meme’. They have taken physical form.

23.32

TOM: Anno 2205, not 2055.

23.31

THOMAS: Not overtly keen on city-building simulators, myself, but must admit this looks very good.

23.31

TOM: Ah, its on the dark side of the moon, called Anno 2055. Looks like a world building sim in which you have to earn your way to the moon.

23.29

TOM: Another trailer, on another planet. Not sure what it is yet.

23.28

THOMAS: Betas on Xbox One, PS4 and PC due for next year, for The Division. The game itself is coming March 16th 2015!

23.26

THOMAS: Holy crap, this really appeals to my more Machiavellian instincts, in video games. I love it.

23.24

THOMAS: But, seriously, I love the look of this game, and if this trailer is to be believed, we’re going to get some fantastic moments out of it.

23.23

THOMAS: I love that this is how Ubisoft think people actually talk in video games. Not enough trash talking going on here

23.22

TOM: The Division is probably my most anticipated game at the moment.

23.22

THOMAS: Maybe it was the year before? Either way, we’re finally getting to see some more of it, and hopefully we’re going to get a release date! They did announce the beta, at Microsoft’s conference, earlier today!

23.21

THOMAS: Time for The Division, which blew us all away last E3 and… has really had no information about it given since then, actually.

23.20

TOM: The Trials Fusion add on is out July 14th.

23.20

THOMAS: My knowledge of Trials and The Crew is far too limited to be able to say whether or not these trailers look good or not. They… certainly are… uh… video games?

23.19

TOM: Trials Fusion: Awesome Level Max. A cat driving a fire breathing unicorn. Can’t say no to that.

23.18

TOM: Now for some DLC for The Crew, last year’s terrible racing game. Actually it might be a full game.. not sure. Anyway, its called Wild Run and it’s out in November.

23.16

TOM: I thought he was going to say it was out tomorrow. But no, a demo yes.

23.15

THOMAS: Ubisoft don’t seem to have overly scripted this gameplay showcase, so what we’re seeing here actually looks like the real deal. Probably. Maybe.

23.14

TOM: This looks pretty cool. Kinda like a mix between Ryse: Son of Rome and Assassin’s Creed.

23.12

THOMAS: May have been way off in calling it a dwarven-based fantasy game. Creative director has taken the stage to describe the game as a new genre: ‘The art of battle’ – Looks we’re getting some gameplay, already!

23.11

THOMAS: Game is called ‘For Honour’, and it’s gotten an incredibly positive reception

23.10

THOMAS: Game looks to be a sort of dwarven fantasy action-adventure, kind of deal. No idea on gameplay, since we’re only being shown a cinematic. I’m always all for new fantasy IPs, though

23.09

THOMAS: We’re getting a new IP, trailer is just beginning to roll now!

23.08

THOMAS: Yves Guillemot has taken to the stage. We ready for an onslaught of game announcements, people?

23.06

TOM: Aisha introducing us to some people in the crowd…

23.03

THOMAS DAVIES: Aaaaand Aisha Tyler has taken to the stage, get ready for that good old fashioned Ubisoft awkwardness!

23.03

TOM: South Park: The Fractured But Whole now available for pre-order. Now Aisha Tyler come on stage.

23.02

TOM: Stick of Truth. All new game. Awesome! Surprising considering how long it took to make the first one.

23.00

TOM: And… we’re off!

22.50

TOM HOPKINS: In ten minutes myself and Thomas will be covering the Ubisoft E3 conference. We’ll probably see Assassin’s Creed Syndicate, Rainbow Six: Siege and Tom Clancy’s The Division and hopefully some surprises.

22.29

TOM: Aside from Pele’s appearance, there weren’t any surprises in that conference…disappointingly.

22.28

ALEX: Well that was underwhelming. Was hoping for some more focus on Mass Effect, Mirrors Edge and possibly Dragon Age: Inquisition story DLC (which never came up)

22.27

TOM: November 17th for Battlefront. That’s it for EA’s conference. Some fantastic games (Mirror’s Edge, Battlefront), but too much focus on familiar annualised games. We’ll be back for Ubisoft’s conference at 11pm.

22.24

TOM: Battlefront looks brilliant, character models not so much.

22.24

ALEX: As well as classic characters, such as Luke Skywalker.

22.24

ALEX: Looks like you can play as various different races as the rebels.

22.23

ALEX: And of course, take down an Imperial Walker.

22.22

ALEX: As the Empire and Rebels, you can pilot various iconic vehicles.

22.21

ALEX: It’s looking nice and pretty authentic.

22.21

TOM: I’m not sure I want to think about how much money the Star Wars brand is going to make this year.

22.20

ALEX: Can play solo missions alone or with a friend, local and online.

22.19

ALEX: Hoth inspired environment, with rebels against empire.

22.18

ALEX: FINALLY! Gameplay!

22.18

ALEX: This is not gameplay! Or even a trailer!

22.17

ALEX: Running theme of EA: stories about children playing with toys. For some reason?

22.17

TOM: Have they asked her to sound like a robot to fit the Star Wars theme?

22.16

GEORGE: RIP Jon Snow. You knew nothing ’til the end, but what was right.

22.15

ALEX: They just love their Frostbite system don’t they.

22.14

ALEX: I Smell Star Wars.

22.13

GEORGIA: Season 5, episode 10 – body count: EVERYONE YOU EVER LOVED

22.13

ALEX: How is this still going?

22.13

NATALIE: So Stannis is dead, Myranda is dead, Marcella is dead and Jon Snow is dead. What is life?

22.13

HELEN: Oooo the blood on snow effect! At least Jon looked good when he died

22.12

GEORGE: Cover your eyes guys.

22.12

GEORGIA: THIS cannot be the end of Jon Snow?! I’

22.12

ALEX: Agreed Tom, Agreed.

22.11

GEORGE: The Starks all suffer exceptionally brutal deaths. All of them unjust. I think I’d be happy if the Night’s King came down the wall and slaughtered all of the Watch now, quite frankly.

22.11

HELEN: Never trust children on GOT

22.11

NATALIE: So the whole Rhaegar Lianna thing was pointless and Jon’s not going to be dragon rider after all. There goes my whole believe system.

22.11

TOM: So far, a lot more time has been spent of sport game sequels than on big games like Mass Effect 4 and Mirror’s Edge Catalyst… disappointing.

22.10

GEORGE: Sad music to finish off the episode just because.

22.10

GEORGE: Track name: Jon Snow’s Watch has ended now (probably)

22.10

HELEN: NOOOOOOOOOOOO

22.10

GEORGE: Olly just became one of the most hated little men characters on GOT since Joffrey.

22.10

MATT: Season 5, Episode 10. The one where everyone dies.

22.09

GEORGIA: YOU ARE KIDDING ME?! HOLY SHIT

22.09

GEORGE: JON YOU SHOULD HAVE BROUGHT YOUR SWORD! This is Sansa all over again.

22.09

HELEN: Melisandre is a class A B*****

22.09

TOM: New Madden. Multi Round Draft, not sure what that means… Focus on Fantasy Football.

22.09

GEORGIA: five minutes left, who’s going to die?!

22.08

GEORGE: BENJEN? WAITAMINUTE what are the Wildlings’ still DOING in Castle Black?

22.08

MATT: I…I wouldn’t trust that kid Jon Snow.

22.08

NATALIE: Olly you prick!

22.08

NATALIE: I will kill you for this Thorne! Jsnow

22.07

NATALIE: Oh no! No, Jon Snow!

22.07

HELEN: THE MOUNTAIN!!!!

22.06

GEORGE: YAY DAVOS! My favourite. He’s like a cannier, commoner version of Ned Stark.

22.06

HELEN: she held on pretty well not crying

22.06

NATALIE: Melissandre is back at the wall. Jon Snow’s f***ed!

22.05

MATT: Just your ordinary, 8 foot tall, blue-skinned, red-eyed soldier. Nothing unusual to see here…

22.05

GEORGIA: Lena Headley is one amazing women to be able to walk all that way naked in front of thousands of extras so are shouting vulgar and abusing things about her body. #Andtheemmygoesto…

22.05

TOM: February 23rd 2016!! That’s a lot earlier than I expected!

22.05

GEORGE: Excellent work, desexualising Cersei’s body and focussing on Lena’s class facial expressions. Doing her best to remain impassive and stare straight ahead, you can see it get to her. Even when you HATE her, Lena Headey helps makes Cersei one of the msot watchable characters on the show, but it’s usually when she’s interacting with someone else. This is all her, and she’s KILLING it.

22.05

ALEX: Coming February 23rd 2016. Now trailer time.

22.05

MATT: Jeez how long will it last. This is grim. I don’t like Cersei and this is still just hard to watch.

22.04

NATALIE: is the mountain alive still?

22.04

ALEX: No levels or loading screens? Interesting promise…

22.04

ALEX: M.E looking pretty and stylized as the first.

22.03

NATALIE: She’s home!

22.03

HELEN: She is an evil, vindictive bitch so she probably deserves this

22.03

NATALIE: Don’t let them see you cry Cersei!

22.03

GEORGE: Shame? Shame you don’t have Cersei’s killer pixie do and body you mean #Envy #UglyEnvy #NotAsUglyAsYourRobes

22.03

ALEX: The origin story of Faith? Really?

22.03

MATT: Vulgar and humiliating as it is, some of the crowd stuff is a little bit funny.

22.03

HELEN: Favourite jibe has to be ‘all hail the royal tits’

22.02

ALEX: MIRRORS EDGE: CATALYST!!

22.02

GEORGE: WOAH I was not expecting that to happen on TV. This was supposed to be so expensive because a Croatian church took ‘offense’ at it… Because of the nudity or the portrayal of systemic misogyny?

22.02

GEORGIA: this is so uncomfortable and for once I feel heartbroken for Cersei. The former Queen forced to walk her Kingdom’s streets naked and abused just to be deemed as ‘pure’. It cruel.

22.01

NATALIE: Cersei still oozes class.

22.01

TOM: Another trailer showing of the new features, and of course more slow-mo.

22.01

GEORGE: It always begins with someone saying c**t.

22.01

MATT: First thing Cersei’s going to do when she gets back to the  Red Keep is kill that “shame” lady.

22.00

GEORGE: Jon Pryce gives A+++ stink eye.

22.00

TOM: Loan Messi and Loan Legend Pele now it everyone’s Ultimate Team accounts.

22.00

NATALIE: If she says shame one more time i’m going to watch Michael Fassbender.

22.00

HELEN: But where’s Margary?

22.00

MATT: This is some powerful stuff – Cersei has fallen oh so far.

22.00

TOM: No touch dribbling. Fifa Trainer, an on screen aid that helps you play better. Also, women’s teams, a great and long awaited addition.

21.59

GEORGE: The High Sparrow’s aims are so singular and simple that it’s hard not to like him.

21.59

HELEN: Do the really not have a pair of scissors between them?

21.59

NATALIE: Lena Headley’s got a great bod tough!

21.59

GEORGIA: okay, now I sympathise with Cersei. This is just humiliation.

21.58

GEORGE: Think about it: her feeling shame whilst being naked will in some way purify her and make her much better, putting her back to as she was at birth – pure. Yet all the other sparrows (the women) cover themselves up in ugly unflattering robes, and claim superiority like the zealous monotonous bitches they are.

21.58

HELEN: Ooo I wouldn’t want to sit on that chair with a naked tooshy

21.58

TOM: ‘The most balanced Fifa yet’. It can’t be any less balanced than now… Defensive intelligence and agility- so defenders will be able to actually defend now. This looks promising.

21.58

NATALIE: Do you think she’ll be even worse if she gets back to the Red Keep?

21.57

GEORGE: Lena Headey getting her clothes off for GOT for the first time ever, and not in a scene of sexposition. This is very uncomfortable. And totally ironic for the religious zealots.

21.57

MATT: Luxury church spa for Cersei.

21.56

NATALIE: Goodbye Cersei wig!

21.56

TOM: They’re talking about what makes football ‘the beautiful game’. Pele departs and they start showing the game itself.

21.56

NATALIE: Atonement for Cersei? That’s a good film!

21.55

MATT: Well this isn’t quite working out how Cersei planned.

21.55

GEORGE: Cersei taking a huge gamble to get back to her boy. She is far too concerned for their ‘safety’ (read: her part in their lives) that in her efforts to “protect” Tommen from Margaery, she created her greatest ever obstacle and challenge.

21.55

NATALIE: She slept with Lancel and Jamie. It’s one vat of incest!

21.54

GEORGIA: lancel?! Lying to the bitter end, Cersei.

21.54

HELEN: Cersei does not look good in prison

21.54

MATT: Jonathan Pryce killing it as usual.

21.54

TOM: I wonder if Pele is good at Fifa? I hope they let him do the demo onstage.

21.54

NATALIE: She’s still protecting Jamie. How cute.

21.53

MATT: What’s Cersei doing? Will it all come out?

21.53

GEORGE: I don’t like Cersei. But against religious zealots, and with her hair looking like that, I’ll always side with her.

21.53

GEORGIA: Cersei, you kind of deserve this for being a monumental bitch to literally everyone is Westeros!

21.53

GEORGE: This marks the first time since the end of Season 1 that Dany has been in a situation where her name, money, or title, will have literally no effect. How will she deal without her assets?

21.52

Natalie: Cersei admitting she’s sinner? What’s she after?

21.52

GEORGIA: oh god, what is going to happen to poor Daney?

21.52

TOM: Pele is thanking everyone and talking about football. I have a feeling not a huge amount of people in the crowd are aware of who he is…

21.52

GEORGE: THE DOTHRAKI HAVE RETURNED! At last.

21.52

GEORGE: Proper motherly talk from Dany. Love her. But like all teenagers, Drogon will lock himself away for an eternity of sleep after his dinner. Except, you know he ate more humans than your standard teen.

21.51

MATT: Drogon’s looking kinda peaky.

21.51

GEORGE: Dany should really pick up a copy of How To Train Your Dragon.

21.51

TOM: Pele is onstage. Wow! Didn’t expect that!

21.50

NATALIE: Oh No, Daenerys is surrounded by weird men on horses.

21.50

HELEN: Plot twist, Daenery’s gets eaten by her dragon, series ends

21.50

TOM: Pele showing off about how good he is at football, presumably before FIFA 16 is shown.

21.49

NATALIE: Sleepy Drogon!

21.49

TOM: Minions mobile game simply seems to be making your minions do things on an island.

21.48

ALEX: Your standard sim game here…the presenter just loves it!

21.47

TOM: NBA Live 16 is out September 29th. I missed that…

21.47

NATALIE: They’ve suddenly got a limited budget or run out of ideas?

21.46

ALEX: Minion game…..*sigh*.

21.46

GEORGIA: why does Daeny look like she’s in the Eerie or the Iron Isle…

21.46

GEORGE: IS DANY IN WESTEROS ALREADY, THAT WOULD BE A TWIST

21.46

ALEX: Tick your bingo sheets kids! Mobiles, apple watch, and exploitation of the Star Wars franchise…just in time for the movie!

21.46

GEORGE: If season 6 is all Daario and Jorah banter, I will be very happy.

21.45

TOM: Some popular games playable on the Apple Watch, including Fifa Ultimate Team.

21.45

HELEN: I  love Vary’s and Tyrion together! Dream team

21.45

GEORGE: Varion. Tyrs. Whatever <3

21.45

GEORGE: Daario is probably the most heroic sell sword of all time.

21.45

MATT: Ah yeah, Varys and Tyrion – the Dynamic Duo reunited at last.

21.44

GEORGIA: Varys, the sass Queen is back.

21.44

NATALIE: VARYS!

21.44

HELEN: Grey Worm, the most unchatty character, is going to talk to the people of Meeren. Hmmmm

21.44

ALEX: I just have to commend EA’s consistent use of classic R’n’B tunes.

21.43

TOM: They are committed to providing a ‘reliable and stable’ place to play online. Shouldn’t that be a given?

21.43

GEORGE: The toughest man with no balls, tougher than Varys. Were there any others?

21.43

GEORGIA: so Tyrion is basically given temporary rule of Myreen?!

21.42

NATALIE: Tyrion’s going to run Myreen!

21.42

GEORGE: Oh Jorah, we all know you will never lay Dany.
Glad to see Daario get to be the unlikely voice of reason once more. Great character.

21.42

TOM: Free flow movement and passing. Something that has been in the 2K basketball games for years.

21.42

MATT: Oh Tyrion, saying “nostril” when you shouldn’t you joker.

21.41

GEORGIA: This is why I came, Daenerys and Tyrion are such a team. I really hope Dario doesn’t die

21.41

ALEX: You can”up your swag” In NBA 16…apparently…

21.41

NATALIE: Tyrion never ceases to surprise me! He speaks Valyrian!

21.41

GEORGE: My Valyrian too is a little fingernail.

21.40

MATT: Off to Mereen. Surely no-one will die here too?

21.40

GEORGE: I don’t think there is anyone in this Meereen scene that could die at the moment. THAT’S A CHANGE

21.40

HELEN: Got to admit, I didn’t see that coming! Poor Marsella

21.39

NATALIE: The three stooges in Mereen about to cut a record for Daenerys!

21.39

TOM: Now for NBA Live 16. They focus on ‘listening to the fans’ and the ‘individual’. New game face technology demoed by ‘The Hoop God’.

21.39

GEORGIA: them Dornish bitches!!!

21.39

GEORGE: IT’S STARTING, NOOOO!

21.38

ALEX: EA Sports is just racing through its games.

21.38

GEORGE: Jaime is my favourite.

21.38

MATT: Natalie called it, another one bites the dust. So long Myrcella.

21.38

TOM: Now a focus on all Ultimate Team modes. Surely they can’t add any new features, unless they remove the trade prices..

21.38

GEORGIA: Aww that is a sweet moment, Jamie has changed so much since season 1

21.38

GEORGE: Myrcella is the sweetest. Much better than Tommen. Aww.

21.37

NATALIE: Jamie’s a DADDY! and his daughter’s GLAD?!?!

21.37

ALEX: Wonder what happened with Tiger Woods?…..

21.37

GEORGIA: is Jamie having ‘the talk’ with his daughter/niece ?

21.37

MATT: Hey so I’m your Uncle. And your Dad. That’s not awkward, is it?

21.37

TOM: That was quick.. now to Rory McIllroy PGA Tour (not Tiger Woods anymore).

21.36

TOM: NHL 16 is next. Good slow-mo footage, very EA.

21.36

HELEN: Ooo these Dornish women are sassy!

21.35

GEORGE: Dornish girls are babes. And quite possibly pull Poison Ivy’s all the time, HOW DARE YOU ELLARIA!

21.35

MATT: So, who dies in Dorne?

21.35

NATALIE: Marcella gon’ die!

21.34

TOM: All owners of the previous game can transfer their characters to the new one. At least I don’t have to try to reach level 50 again.. There was also a hint towards a single player, something that the first game didn’t have.

21.32

NATALIE: And now we’re off to Dorne. Who will die in this scene?

21.32

TOM: Graveyard Ops, not Garden Ops..

21.31

MATT: Wasn’t expecting that. Bye cool faceless dude.

21.31

GEORGIA: Only half way through the episode and nearly everyone is dead,

21.31

MATT: Wasn’t expecting that. Hey cool faceless dude.

21.31

TOM: New ‘Garden Ops’ enemy is essentially a huge fire breathing tree…

21.30

GEORGE: Sorry Arya, you were supposed to kill the corrupt merchant, not the monster. AND NOW, DORNE!

21.30

HELEN: Blinded for her naivety, what a metaphor!

21.29

MATT: This scene is weird. So weird. And now Arya’s blind. What???

21.29

GEORGE: Jaqen is just the best.

21.29

GEORGIA: she’s blinded like the man she killed? Harsh

21.29

NATALIE: Jaqen Ha’gar you bastard!

21.29

TOM: It all looks rather identical to the first one. Awesome noises though!

21.28

GEORGE: As Trant was a pedophile and a brute, I’m certain the Faceless God wouldn’t object to him being killed.

21.28

GEORGE: That look of rage and determination on Arya’s face when she removed her mask though #BAMF

21.28

GEORGE: You aren’t Arya, you’re supposed to be NO-ONE!

21.27

NATALIE: Best line ever! “You’re no one! You’re nothing.”

21.27

TOM: A city made by zombies, of course it’s called ‘Zomburbia’.

21.27

MATT: Characters are dropping like flies so far…

21.27

GEORGIA: okay them masks freak me out so much. Sooo creepy

21.27

TOM: 6 new character classes- some new, some from the mobile game.

21.26

NATALIE: Arya is my girl. Literally amazing!

21.26

HELEN: The Stark daughters are dominating in this episode! I love it!

21.26

ALEX: Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare 2 is announced. One person claps…awkward.

21.26

GEORGE: Oh Meryn is so dead. GOOD! Deserves it for what he did to Sansa in season 2.

21.26

MATT: Arya you magnificent, psychotic bastard! This is why you’re the best character.

21.26

TOM: Plants vs Zombies: Garden Warfare 2, sequel to one of my favourite games of last year.

21.25

NATALIE: No wonder Trant and Joffrey got on so well.

21.25

ALEX: Oh god, it gets worse….

21.25

TOM: It looks pretty and there is some emotional music. Looks like they’re going for the Ori and the Blind Forest style.

21.25

HELEN: Man this guy is a shithead

21.25

GEORGIA: Arya? I literally gasped. She has become the woman of many faces and is KILLING that list of hers!

21.25

MATT: Meryn Trant is dark, even for GoT.

21.24

ALEX: Very Limbo inspired. Very unEA-ish .

21.24

MATT: I take it all back. YES THEON!!!!

21.24

TOM: It’s a puzzle platformer and you play as a character called ‘yarnie’ that is made from string that unravels as you move. Apparently it represents love and life. Now the presenter is making his little toy talk…

21.24

GEORGE: OH DEATH, WE HAVE A DEFINITE DEATH (Stannis is totally still alive).

21.24

ALEX: Unravel sure looks pretty.

21.24

NATALIE: Myranda’s dead! Everyone’s dead!

21.23

GEORGE: Myranda is so pretty when she’s smiling like a sadistic little cow.

21.23

GEORGE: I TOLD YOU YOU SHOULD HAVE KEPT THE CORKSCREW

21.23

HELEN: Yessss Reek/Theon/whoever you are in this scene

21.23

GEORGIA: THEON!!! where did that come from? I’m kinda weirdly proud of you.

21.23

ALEX: He was playing with Yarnie two months ago? Oh dear….

21.22

GEORGE: Women, and bow and arrows. I blame The Hunger Games.

21.22

GEORGE: Stannis and Brienne could see eye-to-eye on a lot of things like honour, and bitchy resting face.

21.22

MATT: Looking at Theon (or Reek, you have to remember his name) hurts every time. He’s so broken and pitiful.

21.22

GEORGE: Every time a Ramsay Bolton smiles, a fairy loses its wings and dies.

21.21

ALEX: HIS HAS HIS OWN LITTLE TOY! This is almost uncomfortable.

21.21

GEORGE: Hands up, who can’t wait  to see Gwendoline Christie in Star Wars 7 as a BAD GUY? *hands shoot out of cannon*

21.21

MATT: Ramsay’s so pleasant.

21.21

NATALIE: Well Stannis is now back with his daughter. Ramsay is still horrible.

21.21

HELEN: Come on Sansa!!

21.21

TOM: Unravel… no idea what it is yet. From a Swedish studio

21.20

ALEX: Bless his heart, the creative director for Ravel is just adorable!

21.20

NATALIE: You’ve been kingsguard to everyone….just saying!

21.19

TOM: Here come two new IPs.

21.19

ALEX: New IPs!

21.19

NATALIE: Brienne needs her own song.

21.18

GEORGIA: Brienne is such a babe, such a powerful and headstrong woman

21.18

MATT: Dammit Brienne, save Sansa! Stannis ain’t worth your time.

21.17

ALEX: Trailer for the new content shows some interesting scenes and some new faces.

21.16

ALEX: Mentions of Bioware and Free content. That’s nice.

21.16

ALEX: oooooo, mentions of Bioware and free content to subscribers. That’s nice.

21.16

GEORGIA: is this the end of Stannis Barathron?!

21.15

GEORGE: Stannis is tired, wonder how long the battle was raging for…

21.15

ALEX: EA announces expansion pack for Old republic,  Star Wars: Old Republic, Knights of the fallen empire.

21.15

HELEN: ‘Im Brienne of Tarth’ is GOT for ‘bitch get out my way’

21.15

GEORGE: HOW did that one soldier lose his legs? This isn’t Saving Private Ryan, they don’t get blown off?

21.15

MATT: So I’m guessing Stannis lost, then? That was a fast battle.

21.14

Natalie: Is anyone still alive?! Stannis is bad ass!

21.14

HELEN: Stannis casually breaking into the robot. He’s got style. Poor battle skills but style!

21.13

GEORGE: You have more important duties than the attempted vengeance upon the rightful king of Westeros.

21.13

TOM: Another trailer quickly follows, showing the ease and depth of the car customisation. Now we see actual gameplay (with a bit of Chemical Brothers in the background). This looks very much like a mix of all the previous games, and the multiplying from Rivals returns.

21.13

MATT: Stannis is beyond screwed. That is an awful lot of Boltons.

21.13

Natalie: Oh Shit. The Ramsay’s prepared.

21.12

GEORGIA: Stannis has got his game face on *and pout*

21.12

ALEX: And the voice-acting and script, it’s truly magical.

21.12

MATT: Sansa’s actually doing stuff? Hell yeah!!

21.12

GEORGE: DAMMIT BRIENNE!

21.11

NATALIE: Brienne is just brilliant, always.

21.11

GEORGE: I don’t care that she used a CORKSCREW to pick a lock, why didn’t she bring it with her to stab *someone* in the eye?

21.11

ALEX: Oh god, live-action cut-scenes. The cheese is real.

21.10

NATALIE: Is Sansa making a break for it?

21.10

TOM: We’re introduced to 5 play styles, including Speed and Style. Released November 3rd.

21.10

GEORGE: Citadel sounds awesome from book’s descriptions. But Gilly doesn’t want to go really. AND Sam is so thirsty. AND when he did make his sexual debut it was SUPER inappropriate. But never mind.

21.09

NATALIE: and there goes Jon Snow’s only ally.

21.09

HELEN: Looks like Melisandre didn’t know everything then…

21.09

TOM: The presenter says the game is influenced by a number of the series’ famous games, including Carbon and Underground. It reminds me a lot of Blur from a few years ago.

21.08

GEORGE: Sam is being a selfish weiner. I really used to like him until he had his first shag.

21.08

GEORGIA: I love Samwell Tarley, he’s the sweetest man on the wall. Him and Gilley need to get away and save that poor baby!

21.07

TOM: The first game being introduced is the Need for Speed reboot.

21.06

NATALIE: I still love you Jon Snow! Even if no one else does!

21.06

He’s talking up through what we can expect to see: Mirror’s Edge, Battlefront and a famous sportsman (no idea who)…

21.05

NATALIE: Oh Stannis has lost everyone now! Shireen’s dead, his wife’s dead, melissandre’s gone. He’s doomed!

21.04

GEORGE: I don’t think Melisandre is very good at interpreting prophecy through flames. Murderous Shadow Queefs are one thing, prophecy another entirely.

21.04

The conference opens with a teaser for Mass Effect Andromeda by Bioware.

21.03

MATT: Here we go!!

21.03

NATALIE: It’s all lies Stannis!

21.03

ALEX: Fancy cars, are fancy.

21.02

GEORGIA: AND SO IT BEGINS!!!

21.02

GEORGE: DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN DUN

21.01

ALEX: The conference has started. Cue silly music.

21.01

NATALIE: I’ve only just realised in the credits Winterfell has been rebuilt.

21.00

ALEX: The conference is almost underway. The hosts decide that wasting time talking about tattoos is a good way to go.

20.55

TOM HOPKINS: From 9 o’clock myself and Alex will be live-blogging EA’s E3 press conference, hoping to see new information on many of our favourite franchises, and maybe a new Mass effect game!

19.08

CHRIS: With a final Trailer involving all of the new titles for the Xbox One, that brings the Microsoft conference to an end. Lots of exciting stuff has been demonstrated, we look forward to what’s to come from Microsoft and the XBOX One. Join us at 9PM tonight for the EA conference, Goodbye for now!

19.03

CHRIS: Phil Spencer closes the conference with a speech about Xbox One, the upcoming games, new technology, and player experiences coming in the next few months and early 2016

19.01

CHRIS: The Gears Of War remake was small news as gameplay for the next Gears Of War game, Gears 4, is shown.

18.54

CHRIS: Rod Fergusson announces a remake of the original Gears Of War.

18.52

CHRIS: A demonstration of Microsoft’s Hololens working with Minecraft with 2 players using Hololens and a PC, the technology seems impressive, displaying the Minecraft world in 3D on a table.

18.46

CHRIS: Kudo Tsunoda of Microsoft introduces Fable Legends following a trailer for the title.

18.43

CHRIS: Craig Duncan of Rare announces a new multiplayer game Sea Of Thieves with a gameplay trailer.

18.38

CHRIS: Rise Of The Tomb Raider will be available November 10th.

18.34

CHRIS: Brian Horton has introduced Tomb Raider with a gameplay demonstration.

18.29

CHRIS: Chris Charla has announced a new Xbox service, Xbox Game Preview, which seems to be a concept similar to Steam’s Early Access system, the service will allow you to try game demos and play games during development.

18.27

CHRIS: Several Independant developers talk about their upcoming titles, including Tacoma, Ashen, Beyond Eyes, and Cuphead.

18.22

CHRIS: The makers of Gone Home announce their new game Tacoma.

18.21

CHRIS: Chris Charla discusses third-party developers and the ID@Xbox program.

18.19

CHRIS: A trailer for the Xbox and windows 10 exclusive Gigantic shows hectic gameplay with a number of unique characters in a cartoon-like art style.

18.15

CHRIS: Laurent Detoc of Ubisoft announces a beta of The Division available to Xbox One players in december, as well as Rainbow six Siege coming out in October.

18.11

CHRIS: A new trailer for the Tom Clancy’s: The Division sets the background for the game.

18.10

CHRIS: A teaser trailer for Dark Souls 3, coming early 2016, shows dark ruins, and a very large knight-like monster.

18.07

CHRIS: Henry Ford III and Dan Greenawalt Introduce Forza Motorsport 6

18.02

CHRIS: Moore has announced Plants Vs Zombies: Garden Warfare 2, coming out in spring.

18.00

CHRIS: Peter Moore from EA discusses the EA Access service for Xbox One.

17.58

CHRIS: Mods available on PC for Fallout 4 will be able to be played on Xbox One versions of the game

17.55

CHRIS: The next Fallout game is now being discussed, with a gameplay trailer, and introductions of the new features of the game and its engine.

17.52

CHRIS: The Xbox Elite Controller with more precise controls, new buttons, and modular features was introduced with a trailer showing its performance in a number of games.

17.50

CHRIS: The original Mass Effect was just demonstrated running on the Xbox One with access to all the features available to the console

17.48

CHRIS: Backwards compatibility for the Xbox One to play Xbox 360 games was just announced, a great change many gamers have wanted fromt he start for the console.

17.46

CHRIS: The second game shown in the conference is a new game’Recore’

17.42

CHRIS: Halo 5 will be out near the end of October this year.

17.40

CHRIS: Bonnie Ross from 343 industries has started the talk of with a trailer for Halo 5: Guardians, and some gameplay.

17.36

CHRIS: After a trailer for Halo 5 we get to see some co-op gameplay with a team of players searching for Master Chief.

17.34

CHRIS: Bonnie Ross from 343 Industries has begun the talk discussing the next installment for the Halo series, Halo 5: Guardians.

17.32

CHRIS: The Microsoft press conference is kicking off with a trailer for many upcoming games for Xbox One, including titles such as Halo and Gears of War.

17.27

CHRIS: Just under 5 minutes to go until the start of the E3 Microsoft press conference.

15.53

(15:53) THOMAS: E3 should kick off properly tonight at 2:30AM (GMT) with Bethesda’s conference!

(02:35) THOMAS: Just ten minutes until Bethesda’s conference! Was mistaken with the time earlier, should start at 2:45AM (GMT)! Be sure to check here for more updates, as the conference unfolds!

(2:45) THOMAS: This is the last time I’ll be wrong, I swear! Start time is actually 3:00AM (GMT)! See you all then!

(2:55) THOMAS: Five minutes to go!

(3:02) THOMAS: We seem to be waiting on the typical conference delays that E3 usually faces. Sounds like it’s going to be starting pretty soon now, though

(3:05) THOMAS: We’re ready!

(3:07) THOMAS: And we’re beginning with an awesome montage of what to expect!

(3:08) THOMAS: Pete Hynes has taken the stage, to the familiar Skyrim theme! This is going to be some good stuff

(3:09) THOMAS: “Blood, and guts and a bunch of stuff blowing up” – I like you Pete. You understand me.

(3:10) THOMAS: And we’re getting straight into this! DOOM 4 already being shown off!

(3:11) THOMAS: Marty Stratton here to talk up DOOM 4

(3:12) THOMAS: And we’re now getting a look at the game itself!

(3:15) THOMAS: Getting to blow up demons with the DOOM-standard double-barrelled shotguns? Uh… Yes. Yes please…

(3:18) THOMAS: This game looks like it’s going to be fast-paced, high-octane beauty, and I think I’m an agreement with everybody when I say that we cannot get this fast enough!

(3:21) THOMAS: DOOM 4 definitely looks like something else. Seems like a  shooter with blood-pumping, adrenaline-fuelled combat, and not just the generic cover-based stuff that’s dominating the scene at the moment

(3:22) THOMAS: And now a look at the multiplayer! An important part of any DOOM game

(3:23) THOMAS: Reveal DOOM Snapmap! Players are going to be able to create their own levels and gameplay, and play it with others, as well as share it online! This should be able to keep the game from growing stale, years down the line!

(3:26) THOMAS: And to conclude Bethesda’s presentation of DOOM? A glance into Hell itself!

(3:32) THOMAS: DOOM is coming in Spring 2016. Bethesda is now talking about a new feature called BethesdaNet

(3:32) THOMAS: Sounds like an attempt to get on the Steam/Origin/uPlay bandwagon, though I could be wrong about this

(3:33) THOMAS: We’re getting a quick look at Battlecry, Bethesda’s upcoming IP!

(3:34) THOMAS: Looks like a lot of fun. Probably not going to dethrone Team Fortress 2, in the cartoon-shooter department, but looks good!

(3:35) THOMAS: Arkane Studios are on stage! Presumably to talk about Dishonored 2, news of which was leaked earlier this week

(3:37) THOMAS: Yes! It looks like we have a Dishonored 2 trailer!

(3:38) THOMAS: Dishonored 2 seems like it’s going to feature Emily Corvo as it’s protagonist. Presumably this places it years after the events of the first game!

(3:40) THOMAS: In fact, you get to choose between playing the protagonist from the previous game, Corvo, or Emily

(3:41) THOMAS: Arkane have also announced Dishonored: Definitive Edition! Updated graphics for the new generation of consoles, and comes packaged with all the DLC

(3:41) THOMAS: Elder Scrolls Online now, and what people have to look forward to with Bethesda’s foray into the world of MMOs

(3:44) THOMAS: Uh… this bit on tablet gaming feels like something he was paid to do…

(3:46) THOMAS: Warcraft: Hearthsto– Uh… I mean… Elder Scrolls: Legends, an Elder Scrolls-based card game, coming to tablets and PC within the coming months has just been announced!

(3:47) THOMAS: One more presentation… This is feeling kind of a short showcase, but we all know what’s coming up…

(3:48) THOMAS: Todd Howard has taken to the stage, I wonder what it could possibly be for? (But, seriously, Fallout 4 is coming)

(3:50) THOMAS: This has apparently been in development since they made Fallout 3. Gearing up for a trailer now!

(3:51) THOMAS: Showing off some concept art. This game seems like it’s going to be rich in detail!

(3:53) THOMAS: Fallout 4 is going to start in the world before the wastes! We’re getting a look at the opening cutscene and character creation now!

(3:55) THOMAS: Dialogue trees seem Mass Effect/Telltale inspired

(3:56) THOMAS: Characters will actually address you by names, based on what name you type in!

(4:00) THOMAS: The dog! The dog is here!

(4:02) THOMAS: Fallout 4 is looking exciting. I’m fairly certain everybody is already excited for it, but these gameplay trailers are looking good!

(4:04) THOMAS: You can play games within the game

(4:04) THOMAS: Followed by an announcement of the Fallout: Collector’s Edition. Comes with a real Pip-Boy, that you can put your phone in, and there will be an app for!

(4:07) THOMAS: Was a bit bored when I heard that they made a Fallout mobile game, but Fallout Shelter actually sounds very interesting. Colour me interested, Bethesda. You will get to create and run your own vault, and be the Overseer of that vault!

(4:09) THOMAS: Game will be free, no paywall timers, no internet connection required. Bethesda just ‘won’ mobile gaming, with those three promises.

(4:10) THOMAS: Holy crap! Game will be coming out tonight!

(4:11) THOMAS: Back to Fallout 4! You will be able to rebuild the world as you go. Personally not so keen on this mechanic, but I can see how people could enjoy it!

(4:15) THOMAS: Game will have 50 base weapons and over 700 modifications

(4:20) THOMAS: Fallout 4 will be coming November 10th THIS YEAR!!

(4:23) THOMAS: Very successful conference! Thank you for joining us for our liveblog of Bethesda’s E3 conference! We hope you enjoyed it, as much as we did. Join us at 5:30PM tonight, for our liveblog of Microsoft’s conference! Goodnight!

00.45

VIRGINIE: Lars von Trier has managed something that none of the other directors did previously; the team has been fully and truly captivated for the last 20min of screening. We’re all divided and fascinated by this ending scene. Hope you were too! Thanks for reading, see you next time.

00.42

CHRIS: 4 and a half hours later, and there you have it. All I can say is…williams

00.42

BARNABY: Lars’s feminist manifesto is complete! The rapist has been shot by our female lead with James Bond’s gun. We are now entering a phase of new femininity.
With that, I shall bid you all goodnight!

00.41

LEWIS: The Nymphomaniac marathon has finished and I already want to do it again to lap up everything I missed the first time round.

00.26

VIRGINIE: The end of the film is now slowly reaching our screen. How plausible is that last chapter? Actually, how plausible is the whole film? Is this last sequence a sign that Lars von Trier might be getting lost within too much provocation?

00.04

VIRGINIE: Charlotte is talking about her soul tree, remembering much of Antichrist, once again?

00.03

BARNABY: I really love how Von Trier has graded and artificially grained some of the footage. Some scenes could pass for celluloid.

23.52

LEWIS: We’re now discussing/debating our one-star ratings on Letterboxd.

23.45

CHRIS: Back to the film, anyway.

23.45

Ed

23.43

CHRIS: Shaun of the Dead came out 10 years ago, we’ve just established.

23.39

VIRGINIE: Charlotte is wounded again.

23.32

CHRIS: The Cat-o-nine-tails…

23.27

VIRGINIE: There is no primal scene in Nymphomaniac, no reason for Marcel/Nick to fall down.

23.26

VIRGINIE: Chris Pate has just shouted the F- word, Lascia Ch’io Pianga is playing. Yes, here it is…

23.19

LEWIS: Seeing Billy Elliot spank a tied-up woman has ruined my childhood slightly.

23.11

VIRGINIE: A bit of Wiki never hurt anyone: Fido (1941 – June 9, 1958) was an Italian street dog that came to public attention in 1943 because of his demonstration of unswerving loyalty to his dead master.

23.11

VIRGINIE: The darkest stuffs are getting on screen. We’re watching Charlotte Gainsbourg being slapped. Note sure Mary would be able to deal with it.

23.04

BARNABY: I don’t know why, but I would really like to see this remade with Skarsgard’s character played by Victoria Coren.

23.00

LEWIS: If there is ever to be a third volume…

22.59

CHRIS: We don’t want any soggy bottoms, do we?

BerryLars

22.53

BARNABY: Shia has been asked, and I quote, to fill “all her holes”.

22.51

VIRGINIE: Bringing the maternity to Nymphomaniac, is, once again, referring to Antichrist, and especially its opening scene, causing the drama we all know about.

22.50

BARNABY: Shia is getting girls to put spoons inside their vaginas. You wouldn’t get this in Pizza Hut.

22.49

LEWIS: The term ‘spooning’ has taken a more sexual meaning here…

22.41

VIRGINIE: Is there such a thing as a fair juge? A virgin ready to listen without prejudice? Seligman thinks he is.

22.39

LEWIS:

22.37

BARNABY: The vagina slapping with a tea-towel is making me think uncomfortably of Mary Berry.

22.37

VIRGINIE: And here is the reference to Melancholia! The three (four?) opus work together within Lars von Trier’s trilogy on depression. Nymphomaniac is the ultimate link.

22.36

CHRIS: Interesting that Joe blames epilepsy for her vision. It is often said that the religious experience of traditional saints can be explained via seizures.

22.34

VIRGINIE: “I’m afraid of grass”, said Charlotte Gainsbourg in Antichrist. Same shot, years earlier, it was an orgasm.

22.32

CHRIS: Pizza break over. Here’s Vol.II of the Danish debauchery.

22.28

CHRIS: We’re having a short break whilst Virginie has some pizza and Barnaby indulges in some Garlic & Herb dip. We’ll be back shortly with Nymphomaniac Vol.II….

22.04

BARNABY: I really like the conflation between personality and music in this. Many people working together in harmony.

22.04

VIRGINIE: Chris is Instagram-ing his dinner. We’re also discussing the different names existing for vaginas. They’re quite a few, if you wondered.

22.00

LEWIS: The abrupt sound changes are enrapturing.

21.59

LEWIS:

download

21.57

LEWIS: And Freudian theory appears once more…

21.47

VIRGINIE: Believe in love much? You just wait, it’s going downhill fairly soon.

21.39

VIRGINIE: Everyone is Snapchat-ing sequences of the film. We’re hearing Uma in stereo. Crazy? Probably.. Welcome to the New Age.

21.33

CHRIS: Umaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhhh.

21.32

LEWIS: So much open-mouthed Uma…

21.32

VIRGINIE: It is too good not to be brought to you visually:

Uma-Thurman-Nymphomaniac

21.24

LEWIS: UMA UMA UMA

actresses-without-teeth-08

21.24

CHRIS: I won’t! It’s not happening!

21.23

VIRGINIE: I will remain silent towards Barnaby’s previous comment.

21.21

LEWIS:

sangeh-monkey-forest-101

21.21

VIRGINIE: Any Kill Bill fans reading us right now? Uma is joining us pretty soon.

21.18

BARNABY: Let’s take this to a vote – those who think Chris should get a Penis piercing, post a picture of a monkey above this message..

image
 

21.14

LEWIS: Parts of the dialogue are almost masterfully literary.

21.13

CHRIS: Stylistically, this is exceptionally different from any other von Trier film. Strikingly so.

21.09

BARNABY:

Melancholic music, dogs, weirdness. I’m getting flashbacks to…

image

21.08

VIRGINIE: The cleverness of Lars von Trier’s dialogues is bitting. First subject to be tackled: Eroticism versus Love, with a magnificent reference to The Dangerous Liaisons. “It’s beyond my control”, she said.

21.03

CHRIS: All seems a long time ago now doesn’t it?

Even-Stevens

21.02

BARNABY:

This guy has problems.

image

21.01

LEWIS: ‘She cleaned up. ‘re ya completely Mum and Dad?’

20.59

CHRIS: “Cor blimey, Joe! We should’ve taken the bladdy apples and pears!”

20.58

CHRIS: I haven’t heard such a bad English accent since…

Dick van Dyke as Bert the chimney sweep in Mary Poppins

20.57

BARNABY: Shia is back! Dust down those paper bags, cut some eyeholes and get on your twitter-feed to plagiarise some shit from Yahoo Answers! SHIA IS BACK!!!

20.57

LEWIS: Did Shia just shimmy?

20.56

VIRGINIE: Don’t you worry Chris, your mate Shia is back! Feeling better?

20.54

VIRGINIE: Anyone fancies a trip to Scotland?

20.53

CHRIS: What happened to making jam and singing “Land of Hope and Glory”?

20.51

BARNABY: Chanting. Weird outfits. Sex obsessions. This is clearly the Soton Tab Christmas Party.

20.51

CHRIS: Jesus, the WI has gone downhill, hasn’t it?

20.50

BARNABY: More loud sex scenes. This is when I worry that we are watching this a room with windows that open onto the street.

20.49

LEWIS: It sounds like fried eggs crackling…

20.48

VIRGINIE: Could this parable of nail cutting be a metaphor for the two films themselves?

20.46

BARNABY: Getting onto the subject of Jews. Step away from the topic, Lars. Step away.

20.43

BARNABY: You guys clearly need to try out Abellio Greater Anglia. That’s where the blowjobs can be found party’s at.

20.43

VIRGINIE: Lewis, you just wait another 10 min, you won’t be disappointed!

20.42

CHRIS: She won the sweeties! Well done indeed.

20.41

LEWIS: Okay… So… I knew this film was sexual but I’m now practically watching porn with three friends.

20.41

CHRIS: For the record…. oh never mind.

20.40

BARNABY: read between the lines, people

20.40

BARNABY: Chris is now moaning about his lack of sex on First Great Western trains.

20.39

CHRIS: This does seem a little unrealistic. I mean, I’ve never been on a First Great Western train that actually has empty seats. If they were crammed in the aisle next to the catering trolley, I’d be more inclined to believe it.

20.39

LEWIS:

20289256

20.38

BARNABY: I love this film is set in an England populated by Scandanavians of various nationalities.

20.35

LEWIS: This train is becoming extremely busy…

20.34

VIRGINIE: The more I watch this film, the sooner in the narration Stellan Skarsgård’s character gets on my nerves.

20.32

BARNABY: I need to get some water.

20.30

BARNABY : I really like the use of ‘Born to the Wild’ in this train scene.

20.29

VIRGINIE: The red shorts, part of Joe’s ‘Fuck me now’ outfit, is the same one that Beth wears in Breaking the Waves.

20.28

CHRIS: I quite like his tank top, actually.

20.27

CHRIS: “I’M NOT FAMOUS ANYMORE” …I’m not surprised with such a terrible attempt at a British accent, Shia.

20.25

VIRGINIE: Shia is wearing a tank top. Just pointing it out.

20.24

LEWIS: Where is LaBeouf’s brown bag?

20.24

BARNABY: Shia enters, sporting the worst English accent the world has ever seen.

20.22

BARNABY: Christian Slater, trying to sound like he knows stuff.

20.20

BARNABY: “I’ve always demanded more from the sunset”. I love that line.

20.19

BARNABY: I really like the Arri Alexa-captured cinematography, particularly how Lars has pushed it to be extremely crisp and clear in some scenes and filmic and grainy in others.

20.18

LEWIS: The c-bomb has already been dropped.

20.14

VIRGINIE: Of course you want a cup of tea.

20.12

LEWIS: Talk about a sound dichotomy…

20.12

VIRGINIE: Rammstein hitting (heating?) the place. The words are strong, Charlotte Gainsbourg is lying. What happened in that street?

20.11

BARNABY: Virginie loves this first seen. She is getting excited. If you know what I mean.

20.09

CHRIS: Latecomer? Pfft. I’m here now, and that’s what matters.

20.09

BARNABY: We have two Nymphomaniac virgins here to night, Chris and Lewis. We hope they enjoy themselves. 😉

20.09

VIRGINIE: The screen is black, the sound, creepy. Nymphomaniac has started.

20.02

VIRGINIE: We have a latecomer, our writer Chris Pate is delaying our gratification.

23.52

VIRGINIE: Well, this is it for the Return of the Live-Blogging! Hope you had fun, thanks for reading, and don’t forget to water your plants.

23.50

“And the Lord spoke to Terence Malick,
He saw that it was beautiful, but still asked,
‘U wot m8?”

-Job, 40:24

23.47

BARNABY: Don’t love the film, but had fun. 🙂 Dominos whilst watching helped.

23.46

LEWIS:

tumblr_loawa11piq1qkr1woo1_500

23.46

CHRIS: The final image is also the first image: God, constant and ever-present.

23.46

LEWIS: The fusion of binaries in this film is carried from the beginning to the end.

23.45

BARNABY: And Sean is wandering around thinking “that’s the last time I try acid after a workout”.

23.44

VIRGINIE: There was tree, and there was life. Great title, indeed!

23.44

BARNABY: And there we have it: A multimillion dollar art installation-cum-epic screensaver. From the studio that brought us Alvin and the Chipmunks and The Devil Wears Prada.

23.43

CHRIS: Whatever your opinion of the film, you cannot deny that The Tree of Life is the most perfect title.

23.43

VIRGINIE: UPDATE: Actually, the fish eye was used earlier in the dinner scene.

23.41

VIRGINIE: There are no antichrist in Malick’s end, no fight, no purgatory. Just men and women walking along side by side, getting back to darkness and water.

23.41

BARNABY: This film is crying out for some Charlotte Gainsbourg  scissor action.

23.41

CHRIS: I like this portrayal of the afterlife.

23.38

VIRGINIE: The fish eye in this scene is impressive, first time use in the film as well, if I’m correct.

23.38

BARNABY: I think Terrence has found God.

23.38

CHRIS: Fun fact- legendary special effects artist and sci-fi director Douglas Trumbull contributed to the special effects. It’s a very different film to Trumbull’s canon (Blade Runner, Star Trek: The Motion Picture, Close Encounters of the Third Kind, Silent Running) yet he still manages to inject a ineffable majesty to the visuals.

23.37

BARNABY: I would say this upcoming ending is audacious, but to be honsest, everything that came before it wasn’t exactly run of the mill.

23.35

LEWIS: Sean Penn is back after 495309805943 hours of absence.

23.34

BARNABY: I think Jessica Chastain and Paul McKenna should join up and do an audiobook.

23.32

LEWIS: I’m mildly concerned about their feral dogs.

23.32

BARNABY: The boy, barely a teenager, is wearing a man’s shirt that is too big for him. He’s having manliness thrust upon him: a weight and responsibility that goes beyond what his young years can handle.

23.31

LEWIS: The screenplay of this film is so minimal but synchronously speaks so loud.

23.31

BARNABY: I really don’t like seeing children crying.

23.30

VIRGINIE: Osborne Cox?

23.27

LEWIS: I can’t help but look at Brad Pitt in this film and see Stanley Tucci in The Lovely Bones (2009).

23.27

VIRGINIE: Nature has been there for years, it’s been observing, knowing, silently. The biblical words have no entity of their own, they are uttered by character.

23.26

BARNABY: Alexandre Desplat’s score is beyond glorious. He is one of the greatest composers working in cinema today.

23.15

CHRIS: We’re in a cave. More Herzog flashbacks… “In a forbidden recess of the cave, there’s a footprint of an eight-year-old boy next to the footprint of a wolf. Did a hungry wolf stalk the boy? Or did they walk together as friends? Or were their tracks made thousands of years apart? We’ll never know…” 

23.13

CHRIS: More young boys with deep Southern accents than Stand By Me (1986).

23.10

BARNABY: I think the boy has conjunctivitus. 48 hours off from school, that is.

23.02

BARNABY: Dad is gone (control, order). Everything is fun but rules break down. So perhaps, though it is harsh, the control of god and ordered religion can save us from a harsher alternative. Is that what Malick’s going for?

22.58

CHRIS: Clowns. We’ve entered a Rob Zombie film.

22.58

BARNABY: I too love that scene. The most emotionally intuitive scene in the film.

22.57

LEWIS: Such an intense, stripped-back scene with Chastain and Pitt.

22.56

CHRIS: Their house is huge, but we’ve never seen either of them work. Obviously there’s a lot of money to be made in chasing butterflies and staring at leaves.

22.55

VIRGINIE: I don’t think drinking squash whilst having dinner is really healthy.

22.50

CHRIS: The Tree of Life is actually a sequel to The Curious Case of Benjamin Button (2008). Brad Pitt getting younger and younger.

22.48

VIRGINIE: Barney’s got him.

22.48

LEWIS: Where’s Sean Penn gone? Is he okay?

22.46

VIRGINIE: Trees predominantly occupy the screen, the church is not in the front row. Nature over Religion.

22.45

CHRIS: Water is central to this film. It’s both birth and death, ever present.

22.37

BARNABY: Music update: Brad Pitt playing Bach’s Fugue isn’t actually performed by Brad Pitt. It’s actually Helmut Walcha. Say hello to Helmut:

Helmu

22.36

CHRIS: The film thus far has been so colourful that being thrust into the plain, stark white church is really quite overwhelming.

22.35

CHRIS: The vicar looks like an old Matt Smith.

22.33

LEWIS: Agreed. The high-angled camera shots really seize the film’s exploration of the overwhelming world that surrounds us.

22.31

CHRIS: The high-angled camera shots in this scene make it all seem quite scary, which really captures the idea of young children trying to understand the strange world around them.

22.29

LEWIS: Some people just go for the conventional alarm clock to wake someone up, but…

22.28

BARNABY: The loud noise of the machines here remind me of the steelworks in Malick’s Days of Heaven.

22.28

CHRIS: The flashbacks and flashforwards are seamless. It’s like this film is one giant time-tapestry.

22.27

BARNABY: Wonderful use of music there: My Country – Vltava (The Moldau) by Bedrich Smetana.

22.25

VIRGINIE: It’s really strange how the music is tightening up the few shots of nature and the development of the son’s life within the family circle.

22.23

CHRIS: His kids may have just aged 10 years, but timeless Brad Pitt remains 34.

22.23

LEWIS: The vivid green colour in this film is striking.

22.20

CHRIS: The film’s been fairly intense so far, so here’s a picture of a monkey to help keep spirits up…

Monkey

22.17

BARNABY: I love the child’s face when confronted with the baby: “RADA didn’t prepare me for this…..”

22.16

CHRIS: That baby looks pissed off.

22.13

LEWIS: Have we got to the Freudian stage of the evening?

22.12

VIRGINIE: What is there before we are born? Is it the void? Or do we have some kind of pre-conscience?

22.11

BARNABY:

FUCK YOU TERRENCE

22.09

VIRGINIE: Oh yes, yes he is. And so are all of them. Tension again as the rock hits.

22.08

LEWIS: I made that Solar System earlier on Paint.

22.08

CHRIS: Malick channelling Kubrick.

22.07

CHRIS: Barney the Purple Dinosaur was deemed too “aesthetically unattractive” to appear in the film. It may be a wonderful film, but it ain’t no supporter of equal opportunities.

22.07

VIRGINIE: The tension is palpable – is the dinosaur going to die?

22.07

BARNABY: That looks like abuse. Does PETA know about this shit?

22.06

BARNABY: The CGI is so bad. They look like something out of Dora the Explorer.

22.06

LEWIS:
oh-you-really-enjoyed-tree-of-life-tell-me-more-about-the-dinosa

22.04

LEWIS:
trolloflife

22.04

CHRIS: “Welcome… to Jurassic Park!”

Jurassic

22.01

BARNABY: I’m pleased I upgraded my DVD copy of this to Blu-ray today.

22.00

LEWIS: I cannot comprehend how a film can be so aesthetically-pleasing as this. Visually faultless.

22.00

This is clearly a remake of…

Land Before Time

21.58

VIRGINIE: Do you think Godzilla is going to come out?

21.58

BARNABY: Bring on the Dinosaurs!!!

21.58

LEWIS: BAZINGA!

21.57

VIRGINIE: Big Bang. I somehow would rather have had one of Sheldon’s jokes.

21.56

BARNABY: I went to a Proms concert like this once.

21.55

LEWIS: The screensaver looks a little bit like sperm now.

21.55

VIRGINIE: Coming back to the source, muttering to themselves, accessing the entrails of creation. Re-creating Men’s lost, and embodying them into purely aesthetics.

21.55

BARNABY: Someone please answer Jessica. Please.

21.54

CHRIS: Thinking about it, a lot of the shots of nature are actually quite Herzogian. Reminiscent of films like Encounters at the End of the World (2007).

21.53

BARNABY: Here we go. The world’s most pretentious screensaver.

21.51

CHRIS: Perhaps the most impressive aspect of the film is how some of these shots of nature were actually captured. To think that these ethereal, alien images were actually filmed by someone with a camera is quite awe-inspiring.

21.50

LEWIS: The dichotomy of the urban and the rural being placed together creates an incredible weirdness which I kind of adore.

21.48

LEWIS: The camerawork is so jarring and disturbing but utterly mesmerising all at once.

21.46

VIRGINIE: The house is amazing, I feel like I will need a glass house like this at some point in my life.

21.45

CHRIS: “Philosophy is radical questioning, but to really question – to push one’s questioning to the brink of the abyss – one must be an atheist, for faith gives answers too soon. … Faith and philosophy are mortal enemies.” (from The Fall of Interpretation)

21.45

BARNABY: It’s Harvey Milk!!

21.45

CHRIS: It’s interesting that this film is so heavily focused on the nature of faith and belief. Malick was both a student and a teacher of Philosophy, concentrating on the work of Martin Heidegger and Søren Kiekegaard. It is clear that this film is heavily based on their writings, however neither scholar had a conventional view of religion. In fact, Heidegger was an atheist.

21.44

LEWIS: Watching this film on Blu-ray allows me to see Brad Pitt’s ear-hair. I’m okay with this.

21.43

BARNABY:Fuck, Brad’s glasses. What happened there?

21.42

LEWIS: Petunia! I can’t stop thinking about Vernon and his marvellous tash.

21.42

BARNABY: Aunt Petunia!!!! Love Fiona Shaw!!

21.42

VIRGINIE: There’s something obsessive about all of these quotes, characters muttering to themselves, trying to go through their trauma.

21.40

LEWIS: Does Brad Pitt age or?

21.40

BARNABY: Paints and brushes and stuff. Rolf Harris would like those.

21.40

CHRIS: Every scene so far has been during sunset. We assume that time has passed, yet somehow we’re trapped in this twilight hour.

21.39

VIRGINIE: I think what happened Barnaby, is that Chastain doesn’t have a Blu-Ray player.

21.39

BARNABY: I approve of Chris’s comment about Blu-ray. And that’s not elitist. It is not elitist to demand oxygen.

21.39

LEWIS: We’re less than five minutes in and it’s already clear that the use of sound in this film is astonishingly great.

21.38

CHRIS: This is elitist, I know, but this is a film that has to be watched on Blu-ray. It’s beautiful.

21.38

BARNABY: Chastain is looking sad. Something bad has happened.

21.37

BARNABY: It’s all been shot at ‘magic hour’, the moment just before the sun goes down so it all looks beautiful. And it really does look beautiful.

21.35

BARNABY: Everyone in this movie talks like a fortune cookie.

21.35

VIRGINIE: The music is fantastic – giving me goosebumps, as it did the first time around at the cinema.

21.35

CHRIS: An opening shot reminiscent of Jonathan Glazer’s Under The Skin, released earlier this year.

21.34

BARNABY: And we’re off with a pretentious interesting quote from the book of Job and some wanky etherial whisperings from Brad Pitt.

21.33

VIRGINIE: Apparently we need to play the film ‘loudly.’ Wonderful recommendation by 20th Century.

21.32

BARNABY: Alexandre Desplat’s score is filling the room! It must mean it’s time to begin!

21.31

LEWIS: Testing, testing. 1, 2, 3.

21.28

CHRIS: Good evening folks! We’ll shortly be starting Terrence Malick’s The Tree of Life (the arthouse sequel to Jurassic Park)- stay tuned!

22.07

BARNABY: That is all! So long, goodnight and I hope you enjoyed watching the BAFTAs with us!

22.05

REBECCA: And this is goodbye from me!

22.04

REBECCA: And that marks the end of the awards ceremony with a few shots from the red carpet

22.02

– News Coverage: ITV News at 10: Woolwich Attacks

22.02

– Single Documentary: The Murder Trial

22.02

BARNABY: In the Flesh wins. Tis upsetting, but it is very good. But I wanted The Fall to win.

22.01

– Mini Series: In The Flesh

22.01

REBECCA: And now for all the awards we missed earlier:

– Sport and Live Event: Production Team on the Ashes 2014

– Current Affairs: Syria: Across The Lines

 

22.01

BARNABY: Please let The Fall win best Mini-Series.

22.00

BARNABY: Lovely and very funny speech by Julie.

21.56

REBECCA: Another standing ovation for an outstanding actress

21.56

BARNABY: Great compilation of Julie Walters material! Although where was Calendar Girls and Ahead of the Class?! Two of her best.

21.56

REBECCA: The BAFTA Fellowship goes to Julie Walters

21.52

BARNABY: So annoyed Best Mini-Series is being cramped in as one of the ‘Also awarded earlier’, when trash like Ant and Dec got to glory in full.

21.52

REBECCA: Academy Fellowship presented by Celia Imrie

21.51

REBECCA: Now surely its time to hear all about Julie Walters

21.50

BARNABY: Right Sean, it’s time for you to go now. Please.

21.49

REBECCA: No wonder his agent was worried about him making a speech

21.49

REBECCA: This is getting a little weird now….

21.49

BARNABY: The main mumbler in Jamaica Inn is mumbling in his awards speech.

21.47

BARNABY: What the hell is Sean Harris wearing?!

21.47

REBECCA: What is he wearing. Worse than the open necked shirt!

21.47

REBECCA: The BAFTA goes to Sean Harris

21.46

BARNABY: Sean Harris might win this. He is also chilling.

21.46

BARNABY: Jamie Dornan needs to win this. His performance was chilling.

21.45

REBECCA: Sherridan Smith presents Leading Actor

21.44

REBECCA: That’ll be the headlines tomorrow

21.43

REBECCA: Her very emotional reaction is very sweet

21.43

BARNABY: Oliva wins for the best drama series of the twenty first century so far. My night is made.

21.42

REBECCA: The BAFTA goes to Olivia Coleman

21.41

BARNABY: I want this to go to Olivia, but Maxine might get it (and she is amazing).

21.40

BARNABY: Amazing speech from Sam Neil. He is right, where are the awards for Peaky Blinders!!!?

21.39

BARNABY: Now the award for Best FEMALE ACTOR (not actress, #sexistBAFTA). This should go to Olivia Coleman.

21.39

REBECCA: Leading Actress award presented by Sam Neal

21.38

BARNABY: Off they go to film another Morrisons commercial.

21.38

BARNABY: WHAT THE HELL?! Ant and Dec?! We’ve come to the point where we have stopped awarding things for quality.

21.37

REBECCA: and the award goes to Ant and Dec

21.37

BARNABY: He is brillaint, Graham. The Graham Norton show would also deserve this.

21.37

REBECCA: I’d like to see Graham Norton get this one

21.36

BARNABY: Sarah Millican should get this.

21.35

REBECCA: Davina McCall and Mo Farrah presenting Entertainment Performance

21.33

BARNABY: Can’t believe Doctor Who: The Day of the Doctor got it. It was like a school play (albeit with a massive budget).

21.33

REBECCA: This will just make Moffat think that he is doing a good job. And he is not

21.32

REBECCA: the award goes to Doctor Who: The Day of The Doctor

21.32

BARNABY: Broadchurch should win.

21.31

BARNABY: This is going to go to Breaking Bad again.

21.31

REBECCA: I’ve completely fallen out of love with Doctor Who. Darn you Stephen Moffat

21.30

BARNABY: The Radio Times Audience Award! #ItsNotAProperBAFTA.

21.30

REBECCA: John Bradley, Sophie Turner and Jerome Film presenting the RadioTimes Audience Award Winner

21.27

REBECCA: the BAFTA goes to Bedlam

21.27

REBECCA: Such dedicated teachers gives me faith in the education system

21.26

REBECCA: I would love this to go to Educating Yorkshire

21.26

REBECCA: Matt Baker looks uncomfortable in his suit. Maybe he should grab some wellies

21.25

BARNABY: The Farmer and the Sparkle.

21.25

REBECCA: Factual series presented by Alex Jones and Matt Baker

21.24

BARNABY: I can’t tell why this guy is supposed to be funny!

21.23

BARNABY: And the BAFTA goes to bloody Richard. He doesn’t deserve this, but at least it will make his family happy.

21.23

REBECCA: I’ve never got his humour.

21.23

REBECCA: The BAFTA goes to Richard Ayoade

21.22

BARNABY: Anyone but Richard A.

21.20

REBECCA: Laura Carmicheal and Elizabeth McGoven present best male performance in a comedy.

21.20

BARNABY: The Downton Babes.

21.20

REBECCA: Graham Norton can create humour in the smallest of movements

21.19

BARNABY: Channel 4 – born risky.

21.19

REBECCA: This is a very deep, heavy speech compared to those that came before. Torture is a serious subject to be sure

21.19

BARNABY: So glad Monica Dolan has gone up with them.

21.18

REBECCA: Seeing Joe Dempsie as a ‘proper grown up actor’ is a little confusing to someone who first saw him in Skins

21.18

BARNABY: Complicit wins!! A remarkable film.

21.17

REBECCA: The BAFTA goes to Complicit

21.17

BARNABY: Complicit should win this.

21.16

BARNABY: Now for Best Single Drama award! Oona Chaplin is presenting. She is an incredible talent.

21.16

REBECCA: Oona Chaplin and Joe Dempsie present Single Drama

21.15

REBECCA: Aaron Paul isn’t the most inspired public speaker

21.15

BARNABY: House of Cards was for me devilishly addictive. Breaking Bad I’d happily leave on pause for a month. But it’s a good show, if the weakest in that category.

21.14

BARNABY: Of course it goes to Breaking Fucking Bad. Should have been House of Cards.

21.14

REBECCA: Breaking Bad wins

21.13

BARNABY: House of Cards, Borgen… either would deserve it. Breaking Bad is good, but not up to of House of Card’s standard.

21.13

REBECCA: Here at The Edge we are big fans of Kevin Spacey and House of Cards

21.13

REBECCA: I just want House of Cards to win

21.12

BARNABY: Mr Selfridge is talking. Shut the fuck up, Hollyoaks crowd at the back.

21.12

REBECCA: Inappropriate open necked shirt

21.11

REBECCA: BAFTA for International show presented by Jeremy Piven

21.11

BARNABY: Love Ms Parkinson. She makes The IT Crowd what it is. And she makes it bearable for me (I really don’t like Richard Ayoade).

21.10

REBECCA: She is part of what makes The IT Crowd relatable

21.10

REBECCA: The award goes to Katherine Parkinson

21.08

REBECCA: Female performance in a comedy programme presented by James Corden. One of the least funny comedian’s in my opinion

21.07

BARNABY: I cannot sing Broadchurch’s praises enough.

21.06

REBECCA: I’m excited to see what they do with the second series of Broadchurch. And what the American remake looks like

21.05

BARNABY: THE BAFTA GOES TO BROADCHURCH!!!!

21.05

REBECCA: and the BAFTA goes to Broadchurch

21.04

BARNABY: Then again, Top of the Lake was stunning.

21.04

BARNABY: Broadchurch is the best television gets. This should win.

21.03

BARNABY: Drama series!!! This is a big, big award! Presented by the world’s most beautiful Goat.

21.03

REBECCA: Drama series presented by Hugh Dancy

21.01

BARNABY: Brilliant choice of music: The Piano Guys’ version of ‘The Mission’ and ‘How Great Thou Art’

20.59

REBECCA: the in memorium section for those who have left us this year

20.59

BARNABY: Bob Hoskins. Sad times.

20.57

REBECCA: And a standing ovation goes to Cilla. I can’t help but feel like I’m missing something. Maybe its my age, but I can only remember Blind Date

20.56

BARNABY: This is where Aaron Paul says to the person next to him: “Cilla who?”.

20.56

REBECCA: Paul O’Grady and Cilla Black must be good friends for him to say such things

20.55

BARNABY: John Barrowman kissing Cilla Black. That has stained my eyes.

20.55

REBECCA: More proof that John Barrowman would kiss anything that moves

20.54

BARNABY: Now Blind Date is something I really don’t miss.

20.53

BARNABY: Surprise Surprise! I remember that!

20.52

REBECCA: Cilla Black’s best moments

20.52

BARNABY: Paul O’Grady. I don’t watch his stuff but one can’t doubt his skill and professionalism.

20.51

REBECCA: BAFTA Special Award, presented by Paul O’Grady

20.51

BARNABY: So glad it won!.

20.50

BARNABY: And it wins!!

20.49

REBECCA: The BAFTA goes to Him and Her: The Wedding

20.49

BARNABY: This should go to Him and Her: The Wedding.

20.48

REBECCA: David Mitchell and Paterson Joseph present Best Situational Comedy

20.47

BARNABY: Our live blogging instant refresh is now working.

20.47

BARNABY: Test post.

20.46

REBECCA: Steph and Dom are also one of the best parts of the show

20.45

REBECCA: The show would not be the same without Leon and June

20.45

REBECCA: THE BAFTA goes to Googlebox!

20.45

BARNABY: Though GoggleBox is the exception, and is a worthy winner.

20.45

REBECCA: Googlebox is one of the things I look forward to each week.

20.44

REBECCA: The Big Reunion was car crash television at its worst

20.44

BARNABY: Award for Zero Brain Cell Reality & Constructed Reality Televsion.

20.43

REBECCA: Reality and Constructed Factual, presented by Mel and Sue from GBBO

20.42

BARNABY: Shirley Henderson is looking happy though. It would have been so funny if she was mouthing “YOU FUCKING BITCH. FUCKING BITCH”.

20.41

BARNABY: Sarah Lancashire! Well done to Last Tango in Halifax!

20.41

REBECCA: The BAFTA goes to Sarah Lancashire

20.40

BARNABY: Sarah Lancashire is also amazingly talented.

20.40

BARNABY: Shirley Henderson should win this. She was heartbreaking in Southcliffe.

20.39

BARNABY: Supporting FEMALE actor!!! (#SexistBAFTA)

20.38

REBECCA: Supporting Actress award presented by Martin Freeman

20.37

BARNABY: This devalues a BAFTA.

20.36

BARNABY: A League of Their Own? That garbage winning a BAFTA? Now I’ve seen it all.

20.36

REBECCA: and the BAFTA goes to A League of Their Own. God knows why

20.36

REBECCA: The moment with Will Smith and Alfonso Rivera was one of the best moments on the Graham Norton show

20.36

BARNABY: The Graham Norton Show! Though I hate that song, whatever it is.

20.35

BARNABY: Jack Whitehall. Once talented, now awful.

20.34

BARNABY: Aaron Paul and his beard are presenting!

20.34

REBECCA: everyone loves a bit of Jesse from Breaking Bad

20.34

REBECCA: Comedy and Entertainment Programme, presented by Aaron Paul

20.32

BARNABY: David Bradley!! He is such an incredible talent and his turn in Broadchurch was incredibly emotional.

20.32

REBECCA: and the award goes to David Bradley

20.31

BARNABY: This category in itself demonstrates Britain makes some of the best television in the world.

20.31

REBECCA: This award could go to any of them. They are all fantastic

20.30

BARNABY: This should go to David Bradley. They could all win this, but he was extraordinary.

20.30

BARNABY: Rory Kinnear. Also so good. This is an incredibly strong category.

20.30

REBECCA: I like the fact that they are using longer clips than some of the other ceremonies. Gives a real sense of the actors rather than a snapshot

20.29

BARNABY: Jerome Flynn is so good.

20.29

BARNABY: Best Supporting MALE Actor!!!! (#sexistBAFTA). And here is Keeley. She is amazing!

20.29

REBECCA: Supporting actor, presented by Keeley Hawes

20.27

BARNABY: It wasn’t broadcast in 4K. There is no 4K broadcasting in the UK. Doesn’t count.

20.26

REBECCA: He is certainly a national institution, and a worthy winner

20.26

BARNABY: Ok Ross, time to go.

20.26

REBECCA: BAFTA goes to David Attenborough

20.26

BARNABY: And he wins!!

20.26

BARNABY: Love David Attenbourgh!

20.25

REBECCA: Some very diverse topics here

20.24

BARNABY: Ross Kemp! The Hovis Bread answer to Jason Statham.

20.24

REBECCA: Specialist Factual Series, presented by Ross Kemp

20.23

BARNABY: Coronation Street, in my opinion, is one of the weakest dramas. Certainly not “the Best British Drama ever”, as said by the guy who runs it.

20.23

REBECCA: That was a very predictable win after the storyline to do with assisted suicide, and choosing to die with dignity. However, I do feel that the Casulty storyline about FGM deserved the recognition

20.22

BARNABY: Of course it goes to bloody C Street. I’m upset, disappointed but not surprised.

20.22

REBECCA: BAFTA goes to Coronation Street

20.22

BARNABY: The Casualty FGM storyline was remarkable television.

20.21

BARNABY: This should go to Casualty. Please let it be Casualty.

20.21

BARNABY: Now for the award for Continuing Drama, or as everyone else calls it, Soap.

20.20

REBECCA: Continuing drama award presented by Marvin and Rochelle Humes

20.20

BARNABY: I’ve never watched Long Lost Family so I cannot comment. I have no wish to see Davina cry, though.

20.19

REBECCA: I don’t like the backdrop. It seems very cheap for the BAFTA’s

20.19

BARNABY: Was that Naomi Campbell? I’ve always heard the name but never really knew what she looked like.

20.18

REBECCA: BAFTA goes to Long Lost Families

20.18

BARNABY: And now a clip of The Great British Illegal Product Placement of Smeg Fridges Bake Off!

20.17

REBECCA: GBBO – the student’s favourite.

20.17

BARNABY: It will be a sad day when I run out of things to watch and am driven to Grand Designs.

20.17

REBECCA: Grand Designs is nominated, and I must say that its a guilty pleasure – some people are bonkers with these ideas though!

20.16

BARNABY: Finally Gareth Malone is looking older than 12.

20.16

BARNABY: And the first award goes to some shallow trash  Ant and Dec!

20.15

REBECCA: BAFTA for features up next, presented by Naomi Campbell and Luke Evans

20.14

BARNABY: I am back! Sorry for the absence.

20.14

REBECCA: I find the show entertaining, but not as compulsive as Derren Brown was

20.14

REBECCA: And the BAFTA goes to Ant and Dec’s Saturday Night Takeaway

20.13

REBECCA: The Derren Brown Great Art Robbery was a great show, and very interesting to show what we think about the elderly

20.11

REBECCA: Entertainment programme is announced by Olivia Coleman

20.09

REBECCA: And now we get a montage of the TV moments of the year

20.07

BARNABY: Graham is brilliant.

20.06

REBECCA: Some great jokes and commentary on the entertainment world this year so far

20.06

BARNABY: I am here! And I loved the joke about Jamaica Inn.

20.04

REBECCA: Apparently real normal people have been let into the hall this year

20.03

REBECCA: We are both very happy that Graeme Norton is hosting this year

20.02

REBECCA: Barnaby will join us in approximately 3 minuts, pending internet problems

20.00

REBECCA: And we are here ready to blog for you now!

18.37

Return here at 8pm for all of out commentary on the action from the awards ceremony.

23.45

BARNABY: And this is how it has all ended. With Monkeys. But we had a great night and we hope you all did too! So long, sleep well, and say hi to Catherine for us!

Catherine K

23.43

MEG: Stay strong, Virginie! Still, big props to Bollo and Jumanji Monkey Boy.

23.42

ANDY: Monkey.

23.42

CHRIS: Well who foresaw the direction that live-blog would take?

If you don’t want to read all of the posts, here are two things you need to know from tonight’s blog:

1) She kills Bill.

2) Monkeys.

Goodnight, everyone.

Jungle

23.40

VIRGINIE: I don’t even know how to close this live blogging post. I feel like it should involve monkeys somehow, and yet I just can’t get myself to that topic.

23.40

ANDY: Well I think that went as well as we could have hoped…

23.37

CHRIS: I think the film’s finished. Either way, massive respect to the Monkey-Boy from Jumanji.

Jumanji

23.34

ANDY:

23.33

CHRIS: Oh by the way, Bill’s dead.

#MonkeyMovieMadnessOnMonday

23.32

BARNABY: Have they still not killed each other yet?!

© Andy Southcott 2014

23.32

VIRGINIE: #SorryQuentin.

23.31

VIRGINIE: And then you’re going to tell me English are civilized..

23.30

CHRIS: Well this live-blog has descended into anarchy. #ChimpsInCinema

KingKong

23.28

BARNABY: There is more coming. Andy is making noises of excitement, Chris is hyperventilating and Virginie is not impressed.

23.27

VIRGINIE: Meg come back… Please do. I don’t understand this monkey nonsense. They’ve just mentioned Lilo and Stitch for some reasons.

23.25

MEG: I’m out of the room five minutes and suddenly nothing makes sense anymore

23.23

BARNABY: This film is not about monkeys at all.

23.22

CHRIS: My favourite #MonkeyMovieMadness film- Monkey Trouble (1994)

 

23.20

ANDY:

23.20

BARNABY: Quentin uses flashbacks in such a disconcerting way.

23.18

BARNABY: It wouldn’t be a live blogging night without an appearance of….

Keener

23.18

 

 

CHRIS: Big shout out to Dr. Zaius! #MonkeyMovieMadness

Zaius

23.17

VIRGINIE: Bill is not killed yet, but I might be very soon if anyone says the word ‘monkey’ again. Trust me, you don’t want to be backstage at the moment.

23.16

CHRIS: What’s your favourite on-screen monkey?

23.14

ANDY:

23.13

VIRGINIE: Whilst the boys are dealing with one of their (many) issues, isn’t it the first time there’s actually purple on the screen?

23.12

CHRIS: We’ve stopped talking about Clyde from Every Which Way But Loose. But I never stop thinking about him.

MSDEVWH EC017

23.11

ANDY:

23.06

VIRGINIE: Lovely bed time story.

22.59

VIRGINIE: The living room is clearly similar to Pulp Fiction’s one. “Bang bang baby.”

22.59

BARNABY: The violence is difused by the sudden arriaval of a child.

22.55

CHRIS: We’re currently discussing what happened to the monkey in Every Which Way But Loose. Back to Kill Bill, anyway.

22.54

Meg: Fun Fact: this is a real brothel, and all of the prostitute extras were real prostitutes!

22.53

VIRGINIE: Product placement for Sol, definitely not the beer that Bud was drinking at the beginning, though.

22.51

CHRIS: Squashes the eyeball between her toes. DID I MENTION TARANTINO LIKES FEET?

22.50

BARNABY: Eye scene!!!

22.50

MEG: Fun Fact: the eye-popping was improvised by Daryl Hannah in an attempt to make Tarantino laugh… it worked and he included it!

22.47

CHRIS: This fight is almost pantomimic- as close to a comic book as possible whilst still being live-action. Weird sound effects too.

22.47

VIRGINIE: Good old high school prank.

22.45

BARNABY: They both look slightly similar…

22.36

CHRIS: The klaxon signifying impending peril…

22.36

BARNABY: THE EYE SCENE IS COMING!

22.35

VIRGINIE: Amazing lens shot opening to a blurred western scene. Hotter than under the ground, isn’t it?

22.35

CHRIS: Odd music just there. Almost prog-rock style…

22.34

CHRIS: Chapter Nine…

22.26

CHRIS: I imagine this scene is what goes on inside the Jubilee Gym everyday. I don’t know, I’ve never been there.

22.25

VIRGINIE: The silent duck!

22.24

CHRIS: We’re still watching Kill Bill, I promise.

22.22

BARNABY:

They call me Hell
They call me Stacey
They call me her
They call me Jane

That’s not my name

22.21

BARNABY: That’s not my name. That’s not my name. That’s not my name.

22.21

VIRGINIE: Thanks Andy, just thanks.

22.20

ANDY: Barney, Virge and Piss Crate.

22.17

CHRIS: It’s been a *long* time since I last saw this film, but I seem to only remember the Western-homages. I’d forgotten all about these Asian-influenced sequences.

22.17

VIRGINIE: Doesn’t she look like the stereotype of the tourist going on an exotic hike?

22.12

ANDY: This film is sooooooooo much slower than the first.

22.11

MEG: probably my favourite chapter! Gordon Liu (Pai Mei) also played the leader of the Crazy 88 in Kill Bill vol.1.

22.10

CHRIS: Claustrophobic yet?

22.08

CHRIS: At least Ryan had a lighter and a phone. He wasn’t out of breath like Uma either!

22.06

CHRIS: Thus starts the Ryan Reynolds film Buried…

22.06

VIRGINIE: Alright, the answer to Paula Schultz, I’ve just found this.

22.03

VIRGINIE: Who’s Paula Schultz?

22.03

BARNABY: This reminds me of a CSI episode called Grave Danger….

22.00

ANDY: I’ve been told by my one and only fan to speak up. But I have nothing to say.

21.59

CHRIS: Extendable arial on his mobile phone… wait- when was this made?!

21.59

BARNABY: Splash is back!

21.58

VIRGINIE: Weirdest way to put war paints on.

21.58

BARNABY: A lot of oral ejaculations going on here.

21.58

CHRIS: Is that a razorblade hanging around his neck?

21.58

MEG: You’ve got red on you.

21.54

BARNABY: I can’t wait for the eyeball scene. Reminds me of Roth’s eye-gasm.

21.50

VIRGINIE: Really strange shot here, usually a ‘we deserve to die’ deserves a frontal shot. This profile one, with the strong lines of the wall squaring his face on the right of the image, once again, emphasizes Tarantino’s artistic touch.

21.49

CHRIS: The barman looks like a picture from the board game “Guess Who?”

21.47

VIRGINIE: I’d be curious to know the brand of the beer he’s drinking, it looks deadly.

21.46

CHRIS: Assassins in black, bride in white.

21.45

BARNABY: Back to colour! God the change really is striking once you’ve got used to the black and white.

21.45

VIRGINIE: Freud wouldn’t make anything of this shit: he would have made it, period.

21.44

BARNABY: I’d like to know what Freud would make of this shit.

21.42

BARNABY: Fun and jokes at the wedding rehearsal. All we need to do is throw in Bill Nighy and Rowan Atkinson and we’d have a Richard Curtis affair.

21.42

VIRGINIE: Daddy issues.

21.41

CHRIS: More emphasis on Bill’s boots and The Bride’s flip-flops. There’s a hierarchy of power in their shoes alone. Plus it fuels Tarantino’s foot fetish (which does exist. Next person to say that it’s just my imagination receives a sandal to the face).

21.39

BARNABY: ‘She’s got a bun in the oven’. Obligatory Gregs product placement there. Tarantino’s selling out.

21.38

VIRGINIE: Chris mentioned fetichism. We’re 8 minutes in.

21.36

CHRIS: The Bride walks ‘up’ the aisle (rather than down it) just as Bill arrives.

21.36

VIRGINIE: Do we really need an explanation on how to deal with a wedding? Seriously, it is one of the most well-rehearsed scene in the world of cinema… Clearly enhanced with Tarantino’s cinéphilie and visual games: the bride is walking up the aisle.

21.35

BARNABY: Did we mention that today we are not being powered by Union Films. But we still love them.

21.35

BARNABY: Sam L Jackson has arrived!!! The Edge’s chats with him will be published on Wednesday. Just sayin.

21.33

BARNABY: ‘A Film by Quentin Taranino’! Lark Lars Von Trier, but with faster dialogue and less clitorises.

21.31

BARNABY: A Roaring Rampage of Revenge!!!

21.31

MEG: Noir!

21.31

VIRGINIE: We’re starting. Any bets on who is going to get the most Tarantino’s references in their comments?

21.29

ANDY: Test. Testing.

19.45

VIRGINIE: Great, an hour an a half, just in time to get some tea! Mine is probably going to involve a lot of ketchup, you know, to get in the mood (I might even draw a smiley face).

19.43

CHRIS: Gearing up for another instalment of Tarantino-esque mayhem at The Edge HQ. Join in the fun at 9:30pm.

19.29

MEG: Kill Bill: Vol. 2 starts in an hour and a half, and Mommy is still angry with Daddy.

23.55

BARNABY: Well, that was cheery! Full of wounds and blood and terrible things.

23.52

CHRIS: Well, if anything, we’ve learnt that an eye for an eye doesn’t make the whole world blind. It makes them jump out in front of trains.

23.50

CHRIS: It’s interesting that Paxton keeps his leather glove on over his disfigured hand for the whole third act of the film. References to Star Wars, Evil Dead II… any others?

23.50

MEG: A justifiable revenge?

23.49

BARNABY: The foreign homosexual torturer is punished in the most grisly way possible. By the heterosexual American. (Are we supposed to agree with this?)

23.47

MEG: Sounds remarkably like the Jaws soundtrack… who’s the prey?

23.47

CHRIS: We’ve been discussing whether the gore is supposed to look realistic or not. I wonder whether wounds to that extent would look comprehendible as such. Would it just look unrealistic anyway?

23.44

BARNABY: Apparently a woman cannot cope with not being beautiful – so suicide is the only option.

23.44

ANDY: The tonal shifts are unbelievable. I’m not sure whether I mean that in a good or bad way.

23.43

BARNABY: Kids commit brutal murder for bubblegum. Apparently. But we must remember: THESE ARE FOREIGN KIDS WHO DO THAT KINDA STUFF.

23.41

BARNABY: I didn’t look at the “eye-gasm” scene.

23.38

CHRIS: Eye can’t bear to watch it.

23.34

BARNABY: The most disturbing scene in the film – where the torturer fantasises enthusastically about how he is going to kill the person that’s about to be served up to him.

23.33

BARNABY: There are still less deaths in this than an episode of Midsomer Murders. But more ethnic minorities….

23.32

CHRIS: We’re now seeing what has happened to all the bodies- their remains have been burnt and will, inevitably, rise out the massive phallic chimney as ash. It’s almost like the factory itself is ejaculating the remains of it’s victims.

23.29

MEG: Hunchbacked Igor skulking in the lab.

23.29

BARNABY: We are in a weird torture-type kitchen. It’s at times such as this I find myself thinking: What would Nigella do?

23.28

CHRIS: Paxton’s helmet making him look more like something out of Skyrim.

23.27

BARNABY: Paxton kills his torturer and because, in true horror-film style, The Final Girl.

23.25

CHRIS: It’s interesting that it’s only through Paxton’s bi-linguist capabilities that he is able to affect the torturer. Mono-linguist Westerners wouldn’t have been able to communicate with the torturer at all, making the East vs. West theme resurface.

23.24

MEG: Is the use of a ball-gag a reference to Tarantino’s Pulp Fiction? Is so, it elevates the tool-penetration to symbolic rape more explicitly.

23.24

BARNABY: Chainsaw time!! And vomit. Lovely.

23.22

BARNABY: The threat of the men being raped is entirely absent. Perhaps that would have been a step too far even for Roth (and his young-male audience)?

23.18

BARNABY: “I got a lot of money for you. And that makes you my bitch”. The man becomes the girl.

23.16

CHRIS: The pornographic film that the guard is watching is Sex Fever (2003)- a parody remake of Eli Roth’s Cabin Fever.

23.16

BARNABY: Takashi Miike cameo. Love it.

23.12

CHRIS: “You are so far from home.” We’re constantly reminded that these characters are out of place. This is why bad things are happening. It’s quite similar to Roth’s previous film, Cabin Fever (2002), in which we see a suburban vs. rural dialogue taking place (rather than East vs. West).

23.12

BARNABY: The men are slowly learning what it is like to be the girl in the room.

23.10

BARNABY: “You are so far from home”. In other words: You are in “Not America” – a very bad place to be.

23.09

MEG: FUN FACT: The slaughterhouse was filmed in a functioning mental hospital in Prague, in a wing that had been closed for over 50 years. Many of the scenes were filmed where the most psychotic patients were taken.

23.08

BARNABY: Our “hero” flirts with infanticide. Nice.

23.08

CHRIS: The phallic chimney returns…

23.06

BARNABY: In a manner reminiscent of Alfred Hitchcock’s use of violence less than half-way into Psycho, Roth allows his audience the excitement of visceral flesh-cutting relatively quickly, rather than leaving it to the climax of the movie. And the main character is dispatched, and the supporter, Paxton is brought into the limelight. Just like in Psycho.

23.05

BARNABY: We are kept from seeing the torture and suffering until the proper moment, with Roth working as a magician who keeps his audiences waiting for the final reveal. “Nobody is paying me! I’m paying them!” – nice line.

23.05

CHRIS: I think what’s most disturbing here is the costume of the torturers. Thick, almost sexual rubber gloves with a large rubber/leather apron. This could almost be found in the brothel that the characters visit earlier in the film. Quite a clever statement by Roth.

23.03

BARNABY: The way torture is used as spectacle in Hostel is integral to the narrative structure.

23.02

BARNABY: Again, Roth is surprisingly restrained with the torture. One penetration of the drill’s head is shown in close up, then we cut away to shots of the tools.

23.02

CHRIS: The torturer wearing a clinical face mask is giving me terrifying flashbacks to watching Soderbergh’s Contagion recently.

23.01

BARNABY: Josh is about to be tortured. He is stripped and bound. And the homosexual foreigner is about to penetrate him. SO MUCH STUFF GOING ON HERE.

23.00

CHRIS: The door that Paxton is trying to open has the word “DISCO” written upon it followed by what can only be described as a demon.

22.59

BARNABY: Paxton – knowledgable enough to learn multiple languages, but still holds all the stereotypical American fears of the rest of the world, or rather that country known as “Not America”.

22.58

BARNABY: Check in. Undress. Take a shower. Minus the shower part, we are going to have a big Psycho reference coming up here. Only more graphic.

22.56

BARNABY: Sexism and xenophobia right there in one whole setence from Paxton. All the anxieties are coming to the surface.

22.55

MEG: We’re not in Kansas anymore, Toto.

22.55

CHRIS: I’d forgotten how much time is devoted to the exposition stage of the film. It’s a long build up before we get to the meat (lol) of the film.

22.54

CHRIS: Wince-inducing editing with the toe sequence there.

22.54

BARNABY: The first murder of a sideline character is done off-screen. That is a big, big tease! And we just got an interesting graphic-match there.

22.53

ANDY: Bad teeth = bad man.

22.52

BARNABY: Now into the museum of torture! There was a chair there that looked rather uncomfortable.

22.52

MEG: Camera lingers on torture devices. Warnings galore.

22.51

BARNABY: BUBBLEGUM GANG ARE BACK!!

22.50

BARNABY: Another instance of homophobia from Paxton. Perhaps explains Josh’s unease.

22.50

CHRIS: FUN FACT- Eli Roth asked the President of Iceland for an official pardon for making Icelandic natives look like drunken hedonists through the character of Oli. The President granted the request, stating it was an alternative depiction of the Icelandic people.

22.47

BARNABY: Camera close-up on Josh’s face – he is uneasy with having sex. Maybe we are supposed to think this is the first time he’s had sex (or at least, with a woman).

22.46

ANDY: Roth is really milking the build-up. Even though I’m not a fan of torture porn I almost wish he’d just get on with it.

22.46

MEG: The Wicker Man’s Willow sings this song to Howie while trying to seduce him through the walls, thus testing his suitability as a pagan sacrifice (Britt Ekland being a famous Hammer Horror star at the time) *WARNING*

22.46

BARNABY: The most revealing conversation about Josh’s sexuality coming up. But he chooses the female (and as we see later, things take a turn for the worst). Watch this space.

22.45

MEG: Well I didn’t see this happening.

22.45

MEG: Apparently Eli hired real street kids to form the Bubble Gum Gang.

22.44

BARNABY: And here is the bubblegum gang! But the creepy guy saves the day.

22.44

CHRIS: Interesting- Josh is terrified of masculinity, yet it seems he meets his downfall in the female characters.

22.42

BARNABY: These guys are put-off by getting with girls who smoke, but apparently weed and Es are fair game.

22.41

CHRIS: I literally haven’t seen this film in 8 years. I’m looking at it in a different way now than I did as a 15 year old.

22.41

BARNABY: I went to a spa like this once.

22.41

BARNABY: “We’re roomates? That’s gay.” – the hetero-masculine sexual-anxieties. And some more fear of the naked male in a sauna. It continues.

22.40

MEG: I’m not sure about you but I’ve never walked into a spa like that.

22.39

BARNABY: Pulp Fiction shown onscreen. Reference by dedicated Eli to his much-loved master.

22.39

CHRIS: *cough* TARANTINO PRESENTS *cough*

22.38

MEG: if only the ominously-tinged score were diegetic.

22.38

CHRIS: First shot of the incredibly phallic chimney which will pop up again (‘scuse the euphemism) later on.

22.37

BARNABY: IT’S DISNEYLAND!!!

22.36

BARNABY: MAJOR important scene. The creepy ‘foreign’ guy gropes one of the other guys (well, Josh, the ambiguous one).

22.35

BARNABY: “I prefer to use my hands.” – Nigella would be proud.

22.35

CHRIS: I’d always thought of the three protagonists as students in their early 20s. It actually seems like they’re supposed to be far older.

22.34

BARNABY: Another scene where Josh is shown to be uncomfortable with male nudity. More questions raised about his sexuality.

22.32

BARNABY: “There are no men there…because of the war”. WHAT WAR IS THAT SUPPOSED TO BE?!

22.30

MEG: In his dissertation, Barnaby asked whether xenophobia, homophobia and misogyny is critiqued or encouraged. So far, we could argue that their representation is so negative that it critiques it. Let’s see if that changes!

22.30

CHRIS: Whenever I watch this film, a question keeps popping up: “is it serious?” Is it a serious deconstruction of capitalist ideology, or is it some cheap torture porn? Does it seriously challenge stereotypes or adhere to them? I’m not sure that there’s an answer.

22.30

BARNABY: They are now discussing the different parts of the virgina. CHRIS PATE ARE YOU HEARING THIS?!!!

22.29

BARNABY: “I hope bestiality is legal in Amsterdam because that girl is a fucking hog!” – one of the most memorable, and most repugnant

22.28

BARNABY: Nervous at the female form, impotent, gay or just respectful towards women? Who is Josh – that’s the question.

22.27

BARNABY: “You watch, you pay!” – I dedicated a whole chapter to that in my dissertation. Sorry, that is the first and last time I’ll mention the diss.

22.27

CHRIS: This brothel looks more like an area of ‘The Death Star’ than a grimy sex dungeon.

22.27

BARNABY: First instance of homophobia: “Fucking fag fest in there”. Starts the interesting discussion about whether this film is homophobic or plays with the idea of hetero-masculine axieties (and the fear of penetration).

22.25

CHRIS: It’s hard to know whether the depiction of Continental Europeans is in itself a parody or if Eli’s actually being serious…

22.23

BARNABY: Eli cameo!

22.23

BARNABY: Even in weird-crazy-Europe, it’s illegal to rape a girl apparently! Who knew!?

22.23

MEG: Disclaimer: 150 gallons of blood coming up (not sure whether real or fake).

22.22

BARNABY: Mood-juxtaposition between happy whistling and the vile cleaning up of spilled blood and gore. Apparently a nod to the music-ear-cutting in R Dogs.

22.21

CHRIS: ‘Quentin Tarantino presents:’- what’s the difference between a presenter and an executive producer?

22.21

MEG: Naturalistic sounds… because the horror of it all is, it could actually happen… to you.

22.21

BARNABY: ‘Quentin Tarantino presents’ – aiming high!

22.20

BARNABY: And we are off! And it is a bit disconcerting to get the jolly happy warm-feeling music for the Screen Gems logo!

22.05

CHRIS: Good evening, one and all. Welcome to The Edge Live-Blogs the Movies #4. We’ve got the Blu-Ray set up and ready to go at 10:20pm. The menu alone is making me feel sick.

22.01

MEG: Twenty minutes till the ‘fun’ begins…

20.45

BARNABY: The Blood begins to flow: 10.20PM right here on The Edge. Please return then.

23.12

BARNABY: Ok, that’s all folks! We will be back with Volume II in the near future!

Volume 2

23.09

VIRGINIE: Now to get ready for vol. 2 (and keep learning Japanese before that). Goodnight!

23.08

MEG: Well there you go. Tarantino is all about blood, penetration and feet. Thank you and good night!

23.07

23.06

CHRIS:つまり、キルビルの終わりです:第1巻。読書やおやすみいただきありがとうございます。
That’s the end of Kill Bill: Volume 1. Thanks for reading and goodnight.

23.04

CHRIS: “The character of The Bride created by Q & U”- referring to Quentin and Uma…obviously.

23.03

BARNABY: Catherine isn’t in Kill Bill. The Edge and its editors would like to apologise to her and her management team (which are apparently extensive) for dragging her into this.

23.02

MEG: Whey! It’s Mr Blonde!

23.02

CHRIS: Preparing us nicely for Vol. 2.

23.01

BARNABY: The truth is behind the shades.

Keener

23.01

ANDY: *Catherine Keener.

23.01

VIRGINIE: I wonder what the signs at the background mean.

23.00

CHRIS: Andy proclaiming his love for the older woman. This film is bringing out the dark side of everyone here at The Edge HQ.

22.58

MEG: You’d think Uma Thurman could write a little better than a six year old.

22.58

CHRIS: Again, Tarantino’s Postmodernism reigning supreme. The Western scalping of a Japanese villain. It’s a mixing pot of genres.

22.57

VIRGINIE: In Kill Bill, women fight each other, they kill each other, but they also apologize (and have heads that keeps talking when they’re taken off).

22.53

CHRIS: O-Ren tells The Bride that she “won’t last 5 minutes” in this fight. From first blow until the last one, this battle is exactly 4 minutes 59 seconds long.

22.53

BARNABY: This is such a brilliantly done scene.

22.53

MEG: Santa Esmeralda should have used this as a music video.

22.51

MEG: Anger. Pain. Fear. Aggression. Watercolours? No, graphic novels.

22.50

CHRIS: The Bride escapes relatively un-bloodied considering the fight she’s just had.

22.50

BARNABY: THE SNOW!!!!!

22.49

VIRGINIE: They all look like worms that would have been crushed down by a naughty kid.

22.48

CHRIS: They could now play a game of Guess Who’s (limb).

22.47

MEG: Turning the lights off brings the colours back on. Nice.

22.44

MEG: Fun fact: there are less than 88 members of the Crazy 88.

22.43

CHRIS: So why has everything just turned black & white? Well, other than the fact it looks cooler than The Bride herself, it’s actually a reference to ’70s and 80s televised Kung Fu movies. TV channels would remove the colour and turn the film black and white to reduce the significance of the blood and therefore escape the clutches of the censors. Censors also approached Tarantino about this issue, so instead of toning the violence down, he used the oldest trick in the book and removed the colour like the channels used to.

22.42

MEG: How is her sword not more bloody, and therefore impossible to use as a mirror?!

22.42

BARNABY: Don’t forget to pre-order Chris Pate’s autobiography: “Violence & Vaginas: My Life Through Wounds and Memories”, coming this summer in Doubleday hardback (RRP £18.99).

22.41

BARNABY: Here we go! The snow is coming soon!

22.40

CHRIS: Startling shot of her quite literally crying blood.

22.39

VIRGINIE: The floor should make lights.

téléchargement

22.38

MEG: Ouch.

22.38

BARNABY: That little laugh reminded me of the main woman in Audition: “Deeper, deeper, deeper”.

22.35

BARNABY: Superhuman strength from Uma.

22.35

MEG: Never noticed before that very female assassin (Gogo the Japanese school girl not included) is entirely covered up. Ironic as they make such popular Halloween costumes.

22.34

VIRGINIE: Let’s dance again.

22.34

BARNABY: Oh that’s a bit harsh.

22.34

ANDY: But it’s a pretty great scene.

22.34

CHRIS: That long tracking shot following the woman through the club is really reminiscent of films like Goodfellas and even Boogie Nights.

22.34

ANDY: Ooooooooh, more action!

22.34

BARNABY: She’s back. And she ain’t happy.

22.33

VIRGINIE: I want that haircut. What do you need to ask for it: ‘something effortless to go fighting’?

22.32

BARNABY: I hate this song. If you can call it that.

22.29

CHRIS: Looking at the band, you can’t help but think of the John Travolta/ Uma Thurman dancing scene (“You Never Can Tell”) in Pulp Fiction.

22.29

BARNABY: Getting flashbacks to The X Factor.

22.28

VIRGINIE: This wedding sequence is an obsession. The shot of Uma’s face is coming up over and over again, her eyes conveying her suffering, manifesto of the future revenge.

22.28

MEG: The cool-meter is about to explode.

22.27

CHRIS: Reservoir Dogs reference, much?

22.27

CHRIS: Lucy Liu drops the f-bomb a few times there in that last scene. But there are actually only 17 uses of the word in the whole film. At the time of making, it was the only one of Tarantino’s films to use the word fewer than 100 times.

22.26

BARNABY: It’s weird hearing the theme tune to the BBC One sitcom ‘The Worst Week of My Life’ in the middle of a Tarantino movie.

22.25

VIRGINIE: So much green in this film.

22.24

CHRIS: Did you know? Uma Thurman was given the script for Kill Bill: Vol. 1 as a 30th birthday present from Tarantino himself.

22.24

BARNABY: I like her.

22.23

VIRGINIE: That’s how every women should deal with problems. Keeping it in mind.

22.23

BARNABY: Come now, don’t lose your head.

22.21

CHRIS: At this point in the evening, I’d like to point out that we’re not powered by Union Films. But thanks for Sunday, guys.

22.21

BARNABY: God, she loves penetration…. (You should try living with her)

22.20

MEG: Penetration!

22.18

CHRIS: Only God Forgives- what a film!

22.18

MEG: “Yellow haired warrior”. Coulda said blonde, but whatever.

22.18

CHRIS: Tarantino- ever the Postmodernist- transposing Western panpipes on to Japanese cinema, blending genre like there’s no tomorrow.

22.17

BARNABY: As Chris Pate says when he’s having fun, “Time zooms past like a mother-fffer when you’re live blogging”.

22.17

VIRGINIE: No Chris, don’t do it, don’t refer to Only God Forgives.

22.16

CHRIS: Barnaby has confessed that he wouldn’t watch this film if it were called “Kill Billie”. I’d still give it a go.

22.12

CHRIS: It’s like Argos for Katana swords.

22.11

MEG: The simple vocal track, shafts of sunlight, display of swords and use of dissolves make for a very holy scene.

22.09

VIRGINIE: Are they genuinely arguing about Sake and Fish? Priceless. Do you think one of them is going to lose an arm for that?

22.07

MEG: Clarence from True Romance is a massive Sonny Chiba (Hattori) fan – also written by Tarantino!

22.06

BARNABY: She looks like a pre-Pixxi Lott cute little tourist.

22.05

MEG: Lucy Liu must be one of the only actors who, in reality, is more beautiful than her animated version.

22.05

VIRGINIE: the constant juggling between languages and genres is somehow unsettling. It’s definitely not my first viewing of the film, and yet I’m always surprised how he managed to create that visual museum.

22.02

CHRIS: The animated sequences were a little different in Mary Poppins. But then again, I don’t think Uma Therman sings “Let’s go fly a kite” at any point.

22.01

BARNABY: Oh, so we’re allowed to enjoy this scene of violence, because he’s a pervert. (This is very visual when it comes to blood).

21.59

MEG: Penetration!

21.59

CHRIS: It’s beautifully animated.

21.59

BARNABY: Amazing use of music in this animated sequence.

21.59

VIRGINIE: The interest of the cartoon in this scene is blatant: how to render the violence and cruelty of what has just happened whilst keeping the audience engaged.

21.58

MEG: Graphic novel in full swing now. A stunningly original way to express both cruelty and national heritage in such a reference-packed live feature film.

21.58

CHRIS: Stop it Quentin! I can’t keep up with the references!

21.58

ANDY: I kind of wish the whole film was animated.

21.57

CHRIS: I’d love to see a double bill of Kill Bill and Scott Pilgrim vs The World. I think it’d be really interesting to watch two excellent films that celebrate the graphic novel side by side.

21.55

BARNABY: Charlie’s Angels.

21.54

CHRIS: There’s feet shot #1… oh and #2.

21.54

CHRIS: Look who’s talking about wounds now, Barnaby?

21.52

MEG: T.J.Hooker style 80’s cop music!

21.51

CHRIS: Amazing shot panning down the guys body- the camera almost shuddering- to reveal The Bride lying at his feet.

21.50

BARNABY: So glad we didn’t see the wound.

21.49

CHRIS: Anyone else just shudder?

21.49

BARNABY: Horrible. Really horrible.

21.48

MEG: Her grief is almost unbearable to watch; Tarantino’s choice not to include music is spot on.

21.47

BARNABY: Danger = Sexy? Speak for yourself 😉

21.47

VIRGINIE: Some weird experimental shots here that Tarantino has stopped using for his last couple of films.

21.45

MEG: Bill is almost fetishized here, cut up to appear less intimidating. Danger = sexy.

21.45

CHRIS: Question of the week: How many references to feet will there be in this film? Tarantino bloody loves ’em.

21.43

BARNABY: God, look at that mobile phone!

21.43

CHRIS: Sorry- I’d just like to get something straight, on the record. I don’t “like wounds”- I just think they’re integral to psychoanalysis and they were of huge importance to Antichrist last week. So we can all stop tittering.

21.42

VIRGINIE: Alright, I know we’re all on intellectual references there. But seriously, that dressing up scene was so furiously sensual and dangerous. Strange split-screen as well.

21.41

MEG: Split-screen creates a ‘graphic novel’ effect, which will later be developed with Lucy Liu’s story.

21.41

BARNABY: Splash! Here comes Daryl.

21.40

MEG: Fantastically atmospheric use of music (Bernard Herrmann’s theme for Twisted Nerve), most recently homaged in American Horror Story: Murder House.

21.40

CHRIS:The Sheriff there looking a bit like ‘Mr Sir’ from 2003’s Holes. Although I don’t think that’s quite the reference Quentin had in mind.

21.40

BARNABY: Nikki would have made more of that crime scene than those two cops. Nikki

21.39

BARNABY: But Chris Pate does…

21.38

BARNABY: I don’t like wounds.

21.37

MEG: Nikki would know the killer by now.

21.36

MEG: First scene starting as we mean to go on. Western and martial arts genre references galore.

21.35

BARNABY: It’s the PussyWagon!!! I went in a car called that once.

21.35

CHRIS: Look at the use of the colour yellow in this film. The walls, cars, buses, The Bride’s jacket. Like 2007’s Deathproof, the use of yellow really feels like a statement. I’ve always interpreted it as a reference to the Italian Giallo films- violent, “trashy”, crime-based stories. The word Giallo quite literally meaning ‘yellow’ (referring to the front covers of the novels in the Giallo trend).

21.33

VIRGINIE: The cereals are called ‘Kaboom’. No, I promise, I won’t make that joke..

21.32

BARNABY: I am getting flashbacks to Uma’s weird and brilliant turn in Lars von Trier’s Nymphomaniac: “Shall we show the children the whoring bed?”.

21.31

MEG: There were rumours that Tarantino would make a sequel about Cobra Head’s daughter’s revenge on the Bride to form a Dollars Trilogy. Sadly not happening anymore.

21.27

BARNABY: I hope this woman has insurance.

21.27

CHRIS: It’s so wonderful watching a film by an authentic cinephile. Every punch, smash, every smear of blood feels like a reference drawn from Tarantino’s encyclopaedic knowledge of film.

21.27

VIRGINIE: The choreography of the fighting scenes are amazing. The camera moves really smoothly from one shot to the other, following knives movements.

21.27

ANDY: Are knives really that noisy?

21.26

BARNABY: Starting as we mean to go on…

21.25

BARNABY:  Colourful toys in the front garden there.

21.25

VIRGINIE: It looks like a doll house.

21.25

CHRIS: Tarantino can be relied upon to provide exceptional opening music. This is currently ‘Bang Bang (My Baby Shot Me Down)’ by Nancy Sinatra. The only superior opening I can think of is Bobby Womack’s ‘Across 110th Street’ from the significantly underrated Jackie Brown.

21.24

MEG: I think we all know Carradine has a major masochistic streak in him.

21.23

BARNABY: Daryl. lol

21.22

VIRGINIE: Blood from the first sequence on. Look at how sophisticated Tarantino makes it. Bang Bang.

21.21

BARNABY: I hate seeing people suffer.

21.20

BARNABY: Miramax logo. Shame they barely make any films now Disney doesn’t own them 🙁

21.20

BARNABY: We are go! Kill Bill has begun!

21.16

BARNABY: Ok, we are starting in 3 minutes!!

21.10

BARNABY: Chris Pate is not a creamy man. Apparently. #truestory

21.03

BARNABY: The start time has been revised to 9.20PM because we are waiting for Chris Pate (whom we all love considerably).

20.52

VIRGINIE: Just arrived with coconut flan and crème fraîche, getting ready.

20.40

MEG: Very excited!

20.39

BARNABY: We are live-blogging Kill Bill in 20 minutes!

05.02

CHRIS: That’s your lot. Thanks for reading- goodnight!

05.01

REBECCA: And that is the end, and our goodbye. But not before one last look from Alex Zane

05.01

BARNABY: That’s it!! Goodnight!

05.00

CHRIS: Mrs. McQueen at the back there.

04.58

REBECCA: Have a look at the full winners list here: http://www.theedgesusu.co.uk/film/2014/03/03/the-oscars-2014-winners/

04.58

CHRIS: 12 Years a Slave gets the Best Picture. Perhaps the most deserved award of the evening. Who else could it go to, seriously?

04.57

BARNABY: 12 Years a Slave gets Best Picture!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I didn’t like it much but there were some good things about it. Congrats to all involved!

04.56

BARNABY: Best Picture should go to Captain Phillips. But I think it will go to either 12 Years a Slave or Gravity.

04.56

REBECCA: And the most important award; Best Facial hair goes to Christian Bale

04.54

BARNABY: Matthew, ok, time to go now.

04.54

CHRIS: McConaughey is sharp. All hail the McConnaissance.

04.54

REBECCA: We want to be finished by 5am, please speed it up Matthew

04.53

BARNABY: Matthew thanks God first. This is where a lot of British people shuffle their feet feeling a bit embarrassed.

04.52

REBECCA: who will follow after Michelle Obama in presenting the Best Picture award this year? Who could?!?

04.52

CHRIS: Another year, another empty-handed Leo goes home. I think we’ll be seeing American Hustle and Wolf of Wall Street both leave without anything tonight.

04.51

BARNABY: Now for the award for Best Male Actor! And it goes to…..Matthew Mcconaughey! A nice surprise!

04.50

REBECCA: We will soon see Leo’s sad face again

04.46

BARNABY: I think Cate should clarify that Judi Dench is filming The Second Best Exotic Marigold Hotel in India and not Philomena 2: The Desert Years.

04.46

REBECCA: A nice ending -people want to see films that feature women, and they make money

04.44

BARNABY: The Oscar for Best Female Actor goes to Cate Blanchett! This speech should be….interesting.

04.43

BARNABY: Now for Best Female Actor! It should go to Cate Blanchett or Judi Dench.

04.42

CHRIS: I love Daniel Day-Lewis. He oozes charisma.

04.41

BARNABY: D D Lewis is looking nice today.

04.41

REBECCA: Hollywood should really do the awards at a more sociable hour. 5am finishes are not fun

04.39

CHRIS: Ellen’s still making me laugh at 5am. That’s quite a feat.

04.37

BARNABY: David Heyman looking happy! Don’t blame him!

04.36

CHRIS: Alfonso Cuarón wins Best Director. I’m not sure if he realises the Gravity of the situation.

04.35

BARNABY: Achievement in Directing goes to: Alfonso Cuarón for Gravity! The Mexicans are coming!

04.34

CHRIS: It’ll be interesting if Cate Blanchett wins Best Actress later on. When she won at the BAFTAs, she used a dense tribute to the late Philip Seymour Hoffman to avoid having to mention ‘you-know-who’. What will she do tonight if she wins? Will she bite the bullet and thank him? Or will she improvise a tribute to Harold Ramis?

04.33

REBECCA: There is a lot of bright silver going on tonight. I haven’t seen so much sparkle since I got lost in Claire’s Accessories

04.32

BARNABY: Two of Hollywood’s best actors!

04.29

BARNABY: I haven’t head about Sky Store before. Tell me more!

04.29

REBECCA: Can we not just power through to the end of the awards?

04.28

CHRIS: It’s great to see Spike Jonze being recognised for the screenplay of the wonderful Her. Let’s hope we see him up on the stage again this evening.

04.28

REBECCA: American Hustle may well come away from this awards show with nothing

04.27

BARNABY: The Oscar for Best Original Screenplay goes to Spike Jonze for Her! A nice surprise and an amazing film!

04.26

BARNABY: Predictably, 12 Years a Slave wins with John Ridley for Best Adapted Screenplay!

04.25

CHRIS: Come on Coogan. #aha

04.24

BARNABY: Steve Coogan should win!

04.24

BARNABY: Typewriters for the writing awards! I like it!

04.23

REBECCA: ‘She’s an actor, she’s used to being given her words, not making them up’ Barnaby Walter (c) 2014 about Emilia Fox

04.23

CHRIS: Frank Underwood tucking into a cheeky margherita…

Underwood

04.21

REBECCA: We have made it through almost 6 hours of Alex Zane and Bloody Nikki – although I am not sure how!

04.20

BARNABY: Bloody Nikki is wishing she’d agreed to do a 48-episode series of Silent Witness instead of this. Ben Miller is planning how to sack his agent.

04.18

REBECCA: An Oscar, Emmy, Grammy and Tony for the two of them – that’s incredible for two people to achieve

04.17

BARNABY: Best Original Song goes to……Frozen for ‘Let it Go’! So happy it won!

04.16

REBECCA: This better not go to U2

04.15

BLOODY: Gravity wins Best Original Score! But I wish it had gone to Saving Mr. Banks but Steven Price did extremely well.

04.15

REBECCA: It may well be good, but the word Gravity has lost all meaning for me tonight

04.14

BARNABY: I wish the original scores could have been more of a greater stage (rather than bloody Bette). Saving Mr Banks should win.

04.13

REBECCA: I think we’ve all lost it by this point

04.13

BARNABY: Jamie has lost it.

04.11

REBECCA: Surely it ‘Let It Go’ must win best song!

04.10

CHRIS: Steve Coogan should get the Best Screenplay, but I’m worried it’ll affect his wonderful bitterness and cynicism if he does.

04.09

REBECCA: Idina Menzel is such an outstanding singer, I would love to have seen her in Wicked

04.08

BARNABY: That guy who voiced Bolt is on the stage.

04.07

REBECCA: I would love to see Steve Coogan accepting an Academy Award, so much

04.07

CHRIS: A quick shot of the real Captain Phillips in the audience. Poor sod, no one knows his first name.

04.07

BARNABY: Philomena is a wonderful film. I don’t think it will win but I would love it if it did. I do like a surprise winner.

04.04

BARNABY: Alex Zane is sourcing his gossip from Twitter.

04.03

REBECCA: I wouldn’t call this exclusive, Alex

04.03

CHRIS: For anyone interested, the #EllenSelfie has reached 1,300,000 retweets.

04.03

REBECCA: I wonder if you can guess what we’ve just been informed is on the Sky store tomorrow……

04.03

BARNABY: In a minute we will join Alex Zane at good taste’s funeral.

04.00

CHRIS: A far better obituary section than the one presented by BAFTA a few weeks ago. At least they remembered James Gandolfini and Richard Griffiths. We’ve lost some incredible talent this year.

04.00

BARNABY: This is a bit cruise-ship, Bette.

03.58

REBECCA: A beautiful tribute, in memorium

03.53

BARNABY: Cruella/Patty is here!

03.53

CHRIS: Alex Zane has done his homework. He tells us that True Grit was literally nominated for “…so many” awards in 2011.

03.53

BARNABY: I’m sure Alex Zane is a nice person, but at 3.53AM I cannot think nice thoughts towards him.

03.52

BARNABY: Now wins for American Hustle. 🙁

03.50

CHRIS: Lovely clip of Ghostbusters in one of the hero montages this evening- a great tribute to the late Harold Ramis.

03.50

REBECCA: It seems that we are not alone with our hatred of Alex Zane. Twitter feels our pain

03.49

REBECCA: Showing all of the Sci-Fi and action films they don’t credit in the actual awards. Its a travesty that Harry Potter never won anything, and the fact that Alan Rickman didn’t get a supporting actor nomination is frankly appalling

03.47

REBECCA: I may have just squealed at the presence of Chris Evans. Love Captain America

03.46

CHRIS: Gatsby has won multiple awards tonight. See our live-blog from about 8 hours ago for our thoughts on the film.

03.45

BARNABY: Production Design goes to The Great Gatsby! A deserved winner.

03.44

REBECCA: I think that there was less sparkle in The Great Gatsby than on that dress

03.44

BARNABY: And no, that wasn’t a reference to Cumberbatch.

03.43

BARNABY: Garner and Cumberbatch! And Jennifer has brought her lampshade.

03.43

REBECCA: AND ELLEN COMES OUT AS GLINDA THE GOOD WITCH

03.43

BARNABY: Bloody Nikki is still smiling. Popping the caffeine pills.

03.42

REBECCA: I wonder if we tweeted the Sky people our dislike of Alex Zane if it would be read out. I doubt it somehow

03.42

CHRIS: #EllensSelfie is the most retweeted photo ever, surpassing Obama’s re-election picture. Ellen’s on over 800,000 retweets. Will it reach the million?

03.40

CHRIS: It’s nearly 4am. I do not have the patience for you, Zane. I’m not joking. Shut up.

03.40

BARNABY: This programme contains Alex Zane flashing images.

03.38

BARNABY: Pink does actually have an amazing voice! Superb!

03.37

REBECCA: And doing a darn good job with ‘Somewhere Over the Rainbow’ it must be said

03.36

BARNABY: Pink is here to sing in tribute to Judy Garland.

03.35

REBECCA: P!nk singing the tribute to Judy Garland and The Wizard of Oz

03.33

CHRIS: Whoopi Goldberg is on stage. I’d love to see her get married to Gérard Depardieu. She’d be Whoopi Depardieu.

03.32

REBECCA: Alfonso got played off, before he said a word

03.32

BARNABY: I love the fact a British film is taking nearly every award going!

03.31

CHRIS: For anyone who missed the Ellen selfie earlier:

Ellen2

03.31

BARNABY: Achievement in Film Editing goes to….Gravity! I’m spotting a pattern.

03.29

CHRIS: I would have loved to see Inside Llewyn Davis win there. The cinematography was outstanding and really suited the mood of the film.

03.28

BARNABY: Best Cinematography goes to…. Gravity! Should have gone to Prisoners.

03.28

REBECCA: Getting a bit bored of hearing the name Gravity….

03.26

REBECCA: What a mismatch – Amy Adams and Bill Murray

03.25

BARNABY: That building. Now that’s what happened to that ship that crashed in Star Trek: Into Darkness.

03.24

REBECCA: Its always nice to see the people at the awards react to something unexpected

03.24

BARNABY: Ellen can get so much more laughter out of simple Pizza handing out than Seth Macfarlane ever could from innuendo and nastiness.

03.22

CHRIS: Pizza’s here. Steve McQueen doesn’t look impressed.

03.20

REBECCA: Our repeated exhortations to rent from the Sky store make me dislike it more and more with every repetition

03.17

REBECCA: So far, no one has been played off by the music…. We shall see if this continues…

03.17

CHRIS: What a passionate, inspiring speech. Lupita Nyong’o speaks with an eloquence rarely heard in acceptance speeches. Very well deserved.

03.15

BARNABY: And Lupita Nyong’o wins the Oscar for Best Supporting Female Actor!

03.10

REBECCA: So far Gravity has been the big winner of the night

03.10

BARNABY: Achievement in Sound Editing: Gravity!

03.08

BARNABY: Best Sound Mixing Goes to Gravity.

03.08

CHRIS: Ellen takes a selfie with everyone in Hollywood. She posts it to Twitter. 30 seconds later, her Twitter profile looks like this:

Ellen

03.06

REBECCA: Best selfies ever

03.06

BARNABY: Chris Hemsworth!! He nearly drowned by iPod once. #justsayin #truestory

03.04

BARNABY: Benedict really wants to be in a photo.

03.02

BARNABY: This is soooooooo sponsored by Samsung.

03.02

BARNABY: Clearly Nikki auditioned for all these roles.

03.00

BARNABY: Blooding Nikki is looking desperate. Can someone get her an Oreo and a taxi?

02.58

BARNABY: U2. That was underwhelming.

02.58

CHRIS: U2’s ‘Ordinary Love’ sounding very… ordinary?

02.57

REBECCA: this song is nothing special, at all

02.56

REBECCA: U2 perform ‘Ordinary Love’ from Mandela: Long Walk to Freedom

02.56

BARNABY: This is screechy.

02.56

CHRIS: Ellen DeGeneres is everything a good host should be; calm, cool and casual. She’s got a minimalist- but strong- hold on tonight’s proceedings. Very commendable.

02.55

REBECCA: Ellen goes for a costume change into a white tuxedo, completely taking the mick out of the multiple costume changes that female presenters traditionally do

02.54

BARNABY: Ellen has got changed. And she is welcoming on Jesse James/Brad Pitt.

02.53

CHRIS: Here come the second part of our look at the Best Picture nominees: Nebraska, Her and Gravity.

02.52

REBECCA: Amy Adams looked thrilled there

02.51

BARNABY: Best Foreign Film goes to The Great Beauty. If the Academy had more decency it would call the category Best Film Not in the English Language.

02.51

REBECCA: its almost 3 AM, but we are still going strong in The Stags. Powered by Union Films and fizzy drinks

02.47

REBECCA: Don’t refer to yourself in the third person Alex Zane. Its unbecoming

02.44

REBECCA: The honorary Oscar winners are announced, from the cer